Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

Baby To English Translation

I came home from the hospital with my baby having read that I would instinctively know what was wrong with him by the sound of his cry. I, for one, did not believe this. I had heard babies crying before and to me it sounded like someone cleaning a chalkboard with a wire grill brush. Never once have I ever heard a baby crying that I said: “What I think I hear you saying is that you’d like to have your diaper changed.” What I have said is, “Please, someone make that noise stop!” I am…

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Antique Crazy, Wal-Mart

Advanced Grocery Shopping

The earth is inhabited by two kinds of people: Those who love to go to the grocery store and then the other 98% of the population — those who have a life. Until my son came along, I was among the 2% who rank a trip to the grocery store right up there with a day at Six Flags. Lately, however, going to the store is more like going to a friend’s Tupperware party — you are obligated to go, you’re looking for the cheapest thing to buy and you hope you don’t have to go…

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Outsmarted, Wivian

A Week at Grandma’s

Last week, we took our little boy on his first airplane ride to see Grandma and Grandpa. My parents are in their early 70s and in good health, but you don’t need a calculator to see that time is a precious and limited commodity for Sean in this regard. My hope was that in spending some lazy summer days with Grandma and Grandpa this past week, that he might plant some sweet and cherished memories that would last him a lifetime. What I didn’t anticipate was that it might take a lifetime to undo a week…

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