Antique Embarrassment, Outsmarted, Parenting Gone Awry

Motherhood 102– Exploring New Levels of Embarrassment

Sean is in his last semester of Water Babies swimming lessons where I have to accompany him in the pool. In January he will begin lessons where I get to sit fully clothed on the side of the pool along with the other fully clothed parents and cheer him on to swimming independently – that is if I can ever bring myself to show my face at the swimming school again after showing everything else last week. Unless you’ve participated in a Water Babies class, you may not really understand what’s involved. You see, there is…

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Sometimes Tart

Thanksgorging

Like most families in America, we celebrated Thanksgiving in the usual fashion – eating entirely too much and then sitting around with our pants unbuttoned under our shirts and stifling yawns while yelling over the television commercials which were loud enough to break the sound barrier so that the people trying to watch the television could hear over the people who were trying to talk by yelling over the television and the snoring. But maybe that’s just our tradition. That and making nine pies for eight people. One holiday of excess down, one to go.

Antique Crazy, Mildly Amusing

It’s Monday. Count Your Blessings.

5am – Another day of life. Thank you God for another day. Everyone will be asleep for another two hours. Yay! Two hours of uninterrupted me-time brought to me by me! Get out of bed. First stop, bathroom and not a moment too soon. Sweet relief! Oh no. Toilet paper roll has one flimsy square desperately clinging to it. Toss in waste basket. Sit and ponder for a moment the inability of the male species to replace an empty toilet paper roll but the uncanny ability to replace an empty cereal box back into the pantry.…

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Sometimes Sweet

The Moon

Every evening around dusk, Sean and I will go to the dining room windows and look for the moon. Last night, in North Texas, it was a spectacular golden orb that hung so low and heavy over the city that it looked as though it might fall right out of the sky. “Moon out!” he exclaimed in a stage whisper, then “Shhhh,” putting his finger to his lips seeming to understand that some things are best observed in silence. I watched Sean as he watched the moon, his baby profile a study in twilight. Ever the…

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Antique Daddy, Sometimes Tart

Car Talk

There is an on-going discussion at our house and it goes like this: The Car — Sacred Machine or Roving Diner? One parent believes the car is a sacred moving metal sculpture and should be revered as a mechanical temple. Into “the car” (whispered) no food nor drink shall ever pass. No Goldfish, no crackers, certainly no French fries, no nuggets, no Mcfood of any kind. The wheels of such shall never come to rest upon the unholy ground of Sonic. Verily. Those seeking to enter into the inner sanctum of “the car” must first repent…

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Parenting Gone Awry, Snips And Snails, Sometimes Sweet

It’s not the gift, but the balloon that counts.

Last year, when Sean turned one, I went all out and threw him a big party — or rather I threw a party for all those who had been with us through the pregnancy and that crazy first year. For that, those people deserve a party and a place in heaven. And is there any better way to show your appreciation than to serve cake with icing that turns your teeth blue? I think not. It’s kind of too bad that Sean won’t remember that on his first birthday the house was filled with people (with…

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Makes Me Sigh, Sometimes Sweet

Just Two Wonderful!

Dear Sean – You are two years old today — two years! You are no longer a baby, but a little boy. While Daddy and I celebrate the amazing creature that you have become and the hope of what the future holds for you, we selfishly grieve the irretrievable days that have already slipped away. Not a day passes that I don’t want to go back and do it all over again, even the day Mommy set you and the lamp you busted out on the curb in a big box addressed to Grandma. I never…

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Antique Crazy, Antique Friends

Part-Time Pet

My neighbor thinks I am trying to take over his cat. And it’s partly true. I’m not trying to take it over completely. It’s not like I want the responsibility of vet bills, flea collars and a litter box. I just want to have a fling with his cat. I just want some “no strings attached” pet affection. I just want an opportunity for my son to learn that cats do not normally kill little boys. That’s all. And if lovin’ this cat is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right. Photo Temporarily Unavailable The neighbor…

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GiGi and Poopah, Makes Me Sigh, Snips And Snails

The Hair Cut

After the 7th or 8th time someone referred to my little boy as “she” this past week, I caved in and made an appointment to have his beautiful golden curls whacked off. This event, more than any other, has made me grieve the passing of his babyhood. All of the previous mile markers were victories, and really with his DNA, growing hair is a victory, albeit probably short lived. But in spite of all that, this cutting of his baby curls just seemed to be a passing of a point of no return. And I didn’t…

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Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

Man of Many Words

As Sean approaches his second birthday, his language skills are really coming along. At the rate of about 100 words a day. And anything worth saying is worth saying 100 times. In a row. On a recent trip to the grocery store, Sean made the connection between the word “MEAT!” (all caps because a word such as that must be exclaimed with all due vigor) and cellophane clad chicken. He scrambled up a freezer case of chicken, peered inside and started pointing and hollering at the top of his lungs “MEAT! MEAT!” Only instead of just…

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