Today, December 26th is Boxing Day. It is not a holiday that we celebrate here in the US, but one that I think we should, because after Christmas we need to squeeze in another Hallmark holiday before Valentine’s Day, don’t you think?
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Boxing Day, it is a holiday that originated in the Middle Ages in England. The very day after Christmas, the uppercrusties would box up all the things they got for Christmas that they didn’t want and offload it to unsuspecting people they didn’t like very much, people they called “the poor.” Or I could just be making that up, I’m not sure. Anyway, we have our own variation on that tradition here in the US, but we call it a White Elephant party.
So in an effort to get an official Boxing Day going here in the US, I’ll be boxing up some exquisite previously gifted items and passing them along to those who are far more deserving.
To the neighbor who chased my dog out of her yard with a broom, I’m giving the fruitcake that has been passed down in our family through the generations. Yes, I know that it has been three years since the broom incident. Dis me and I’ll forgive and forget, but don’t dis my kid and certainly don’t dis my dog. Never has fruitcake been a more appropriate gift.
To the clerk at Sam’s who called me Grandma two years ago I’m giving the all-time favorite Christmas novelty item – the wacky little reindeer that bops his little reindeer head while singing “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” with a charming southern accent. May this little ditty play in your head in perpetuity.
To the hairdresser who talked me into a perm in 1981, I am giving the perennial holiday favorite, the Chia head. Nothing says “thanks a lot” like a Chia head.
As you can see from my list, it’s never to late to give a gift or resurrect an insult.
To the house guest who wears so much cologne that your aura remains several days after you’ve left, I am giving you an economy-size bottle of Windsong perfume, which just like the ads say, it stays on your mind – and in your drapes, upholstery, carpet and everything else. Forever.
My box of bad gifts is a deep one, so don’t cross me unless you want to open your door the day after Christmas to find an I Love Lucy clock that cries “Waaah!” at the top of the hour. Or toe socks or a Precious Moments figurine — selected especially for you!
Happy Boxing Day!