Recent Posts

  • © Antique Mommy 2005-2017
  • All rights reserved.
  • If you give a boy a Goldfish

    January 11, 2006

    If you give a boy a Goldfish he will eat it. And then he will want another. And then another. And then he will want the whole bag.

    And if you give him the whole bag, he will want you to sit down on the kitchen floor and eat Goldfish with him.

    And if you sit down on the kitchen floor with him, he will want to feed you Goldfish. But who knows where those grimy little hands have been. You do. So then you will have to make an excuse to attend to an urgent matter, like laundry.

    And as you are hiding out in the laundry room, he will want to test the laws of physics. And he will discover that Goldfish do not stay in an opened bag when held upside down above his head. And then there will be a school of Goldfish on the floor and down his shirt and in his pants.

    And then he will want to test the load bearing capacity of Goldfish by stomping them into orange gravel. And when he sees the orange gravel, it will remind him of his tiny Dirt Devil toy vacuum cleaner. And the he will want to use his tiny toy vacuum cleaner to clean up the mess. But vacuuming vigorously with a toy vacuum cleaner will only further crush the orange gravel into orange powder.

    And when he sees the orange powder the little scientist will probably want to test the unbearable lightness of Godfish-being. And so he will toss a handful of Goldfish powder into the air and marvel at how the orange sparkly loess glitters in the sunlight.

    And as he is parading through the den tossing orange dust like a flower girl, the Goldfish swimming in his pants and shirt will become uncomfortable. And then he will probably want to take off his clothes. And after he takes off his pants, then he will want to take off his diaper. And after he takes off his diaper he will announce “I’m nakee! I’m nakee!”

    And hearing those words will strike terror in your heart. So then you will follow the trail of orange foot prints into the kitchen where you will find a naked boy with orange hair and feet who is hungry and wants more Goldfish.

    And chances are…

    If you give him more Goldfish, he’ll want the whole bag.

    (Inspired by Laura Numeroff)

    No Comments »

    No comments yet.

    Leave a comment