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  • Farewell Baby Bjorn – or Good Ridance

    January 21, 2006

    I looked around the house yesterday and noticed the high chair and the playpen were missing. Being reasonably large items, I knew that they probably weren’t in the sofa cushions — fairly sure anyway. Then I remembered they were hastily stashed in the garage to make way for Christmas. Christmas has come and gone and apparently so has our need for those things since it is just now that I have noticed they were missing.

    The garage has become the graveyard of forgotten and outgrown baby gear – bassinets, tubs, bouncers, jumpers, play mats, swings, slings and carriers, larger swings, bigger carriers, pushers, pullers and scooters — lots and lots of large cheerfully colored and noisy plastic things that the good people at Babies R Us convinced me that no mother could do without. Turns out that most of it I could have done without. Being the not-that-sentimental uber-organizer that I am, I decided it was time to sort through some of these things, pass them along and make way for a new shipment.

    The first item I came to was a Baby Bjorn sack that is worn like a backpack only backwards, which would make it a frontpack. I remember the day I registered for it. I remember imagining myself walking around the block with my baby pressed in close to my heart, just like the happy lady with her happy baby on the front of the box. I imagined that all the neighbors would come running out of their houses to marvel over my fabulously smart and handsome baby. I remember the first time I tried to put it on. I remember that because it took an entire day and several gymnastic moves including a roundoff. I remember my body temperature rising high enough to melt tin foil while wearing it. I remember the feeling of warm spit up sliming down into my cleavage. I remember trying to get out of it like Houdini in a straight jacket. I remember throwing it in a corner and stomping on it with both feet. Good times. I smelled it hoping that maybe the scent of Sean’s babyhood had lingered. No. At least not the good smell. I tossed it in the Goodwill box. And then I took it out.

    Maybe we’ll have another. Not very likely. Tossed it back in. Maybe… Took it out. Nnnnno. Tossed it back in. I took it out and smelled it one last time and tossed it back in. We’ll get another one if we need to. Farewell Baby Bjorn.

    Whew. That’s enough for one day. One item down. 328 left to go.

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