Makes Me Sigh, Sometimes Sweet, Wivian


Soon after my mother arrived for a visit recently, Sean realized that by comparison, I was chopped liver, persona non grata, yesterday’s news, the other woman, what’s-her-name – not even good ole’ what’s-her-name. My feelings might have been hurt except that I was too busy taking advantage of my built-in babysitter and getting pedicures and going shopping to notice. Much. Ostensibly she was here to spend time with Sean, but I think she was here to spoil my child to pay me back for the years between 1972 and 1979 and the concrete mixing episode. Most…

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Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

The Chicken Wipes Mystery

Sean’s language skills are progressing rapidly. Even just four months ago, on his second birthday, he was only saying only a few words and phrases that we understood. The first phrase that he used that we understood was “I need that.” That phrase we understood because he said that about everything he saw about 1,000 times a day. Apparently, two-year-olds need a lot of stuff. However… there is a particular phrase that he uses and I still have no idea what it means, and it is this: “I do see chicken wipes.” Chicken wipes? One thing…

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Guest Post – By Sean

Grandma has been here visiting all week and boy has it been fun, but also I’ve learned a lot. Here are just a few things: Things I Learned From Grandma This Week By Sean 1) There IS a toy store in the mall – I didn’t know this until Grandma pointed it out. I can’t believe Mom didn’t know that – duh! And… 2) There IS a candy store in the mall too! Mom’s gotta get her eyes checked. 3) Grandma is just another name for Fairy Godmother. 4) Grandma is more fun than Mommy to…

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Makes Me Sigh


My in-laws live in a small north Texas town. When we visit them, I love to browse the junk stores antique stores that line Main Street. One of the things that I find morbidly fascinating are the personal photographs that end up in these places. I can spend all afternoon looking through a box of pictures of anonymous faces frozen in perpetual youth. Sometimes the picture will bear the imprimatur of a studio from some far away place. Sometimes a bit of personal information is hand written in antique script on the back – David, Age…

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Mildly Amusing, Outsmarted


It has been cold here in North Texas this past week, so Sean and I paid a visit to “Old MacDonald’s” as he calls it, to take advantage of their indoor play yard in an effort to burn off some toddler energy somewhere other than in my den.When we got back to the car to head home, I strapped him in his seat and handed him what was left of his iced tea. As we drove off, he immediately began to shake the cup like he was making a martini. Even though it was a cup…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Drama Club

The great tragedy of the new millennium unfolded this evening at The Cotton Patch when Antique Daddy cut Sean’s hamburger in half. Oh the humanity. What kind of a father would do such a thing? The second greatest tragedy of the new millennium occurred 30 minutes earlier when Antique Mommy had the audacity to help Sean into his car seat. It would have been less egregious if I had beaten him with a coat hanger — and made for a far more interesting story for CPS as well. Sean either has a great career in the…

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Hospitality & Manners, Use Your Words

Wise Guy

Sean: Mommy! Get me milk! AM: Get me milk? That’s not how you ask. How about “Get me milk pleeeease” maybe? Sean: Mommy get me milk pleeeease maybe!

Mildly Amusing, Snips And Snails

“Cracked” me up

I guess all kids go through a stage where mommy’s kiss can make anything better. We are in that phase right now and I don’t really want it to end. The idea that another human being thinks I’m all that is really appealing and it’s going to be a let down — for me — when he learns the awful truth about my abilities. Earlier today, Sean took a little spill with great dramatic flair and landed on his behind. From my vantage point it looked as though it might have been on purpose since he…

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Antique Childhood

My Big Brother is 50!

My mother’s first child, my brother John, turns 50 today! From the stories my mom tells about John, it’s a wonder that they had any more children after him. I guess I owe my life to the iron hand of the Catholic church and the fact that John was just so darn cute they couldn’t stop at one. John pretty much ruined it for my middle brother and me in terms of getting any perks. For example, if it weren’t for John, I could have had Beatrix Potter-style Peter Rabbit wallpaper in my bedroom. I know…

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Always Real, Antique Embarrassment

Another reason to cancel cable TV

The other night after we got Sean to bed, I gained control of the remote control in a hostile takeover maneuver. Antique Daddy had inadvertently set it down within my reach and glanced away. So I propped myself up in bed like the domestic despot that I am and in a demonstration of my she-power, I autocratically went directly to HGTV where we watched paint dry until his eyes glazed over. And then I turned to the food channel where we watched chopping and dicing and more chopping until he was nearly comatose. Then, ignoring his…

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