Mildly Amusing, Potty Training

The Bathroom Attendant

Sean is two and a half now and according to the experts and what I hear other mothers saying, I should probably be thinking about potty training. I should probably have a potty training philosophy. I should probably have settled on some potty training program. I am doing nothing. I learned that lesson when I was eleven and I’m not falling for it again. I had a training bra and my boobs trained themselves just fine. I figure this is another one of those situations that I don’t really have to manage. Without any prodding or…

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Antique Childhood, Parenting Gone Awry

Walking The Walk

When I was growing up, we didn’t have very many toys. If we got anything really special, like a bike, we usually had to save up for it or at least pay something towards it. Although I didn’t appreciate it at the time, in retrospect it was a good thing. My brothers and I took care of the few things we had because there was never a question that if we lost or destroyed something, it would just be too bad. No one was going to replace it. One time my brother left his bike unlocked…

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Papa George

A Georgeism

I love my father-in-law George. I don’t think I could love him more if he were my own daddy. George has the heart of a servant. He loves to cook and feed people and he loves to take care of people. I can’t remember a Thanksgiving meal where I didn’t look up half way through to see George loading up his car with “leftovers” – if you consider half a ham and an entire pie left over – to take to a friend who wasn’t feeling well, or an elderly shut-in or just someone he came…

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Mildly Amusing, Parenting Gone Awry, Sometimes Tart

Sean Has A Lot To Learn From His Daddy Before He Gets Married…

As I was getting Sean into the car to take him to school on Monday, I bumped him on the head with the car door as I opened it. Poor little guy. He just looked at me like “Why would you do that?” As we drove, I was multi-tasking, which is dangerous for a formerly semi-natural blonde like me. I was making a mental list of what I needed to get done (pay bills, grocery store, laundry) versus what I wanted to get done (Starbucks, Half Price Books, TJMaxx) while at the same enthusing upon command…

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Antique Crazy, Mildly Amusing

Truth in Packaging

I took a design class in college and I remember the very first day of class, the professor informed us that everything has a design, which up to that point, I hadn’t really thought about. Everything you see around you, every product, every package, every object, every everything — someone consciously made decisions about it’s size, shape, color and how it functions. I thought back to that first day of design class the other day as I struggled to tear open one of those so-called “easy open” zip-lock packages of grated cheese. According to what was…

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Always Real

Scheduling And Other Hot Buttons

Everyday Mommy tagged me with the question about putting babies on schedules. There are bookstores full of books on this issue written by people brighter than me, smart and learned people with letters after their names, so I don’t think I really have much to offer other than to tell you what worked for us here at the House of Antique. The issue of scheduling, along with breastfeeding, working moms, home schooling and co-sleeping (among others) is one where the discussion tends to divide women rather than bring them together. I’d rather tell you stories about…

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Antique Crazy, Mildly Amusing, Parenting Gone Awry

Corn – The Great Mystery of the Universe

Corn is one of the most indestructible elements on the face of the earth. At one time it was on Mohs Scale of Hardness, but was later replaced by Conundrum. Or something like that. Which is a good thing because had it stayed on the list, your birthstone might be corn. It’s true. I would not make up something as serious as that just to amuse myself. Anyway, you don’t need Moh to tell you about the properties of corn. You’ve eaten corn. You know that it can pass through the length and breadth of your…

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Snips And Snails, Sometimes Sweet

The French Have A Word For Everything.

Almost everything. This morning as I was getting Sean dressed for the day, I stood him on the changing table and helped him into his shirt. When he popped his head through, he yelled “Boo!” — like he does every morning. And I pretended to be frightened and faint dead away, like I do every morning. Is there any better way to start out the day than with a faux faint? If you haven’t tried it, you should. When I dramatically flutter my eyes open, we both laugh hysterically like we do every morning. One of…

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Antique Crazy

Excuses! Excuses!

Several years ago I was invited to someone’s home, someone whom I did not know very well. Upon entering their home, I noticed boxes stacked everywhere and furniture shoved here and there. For the sake of conversation, I remarked, “Oh, did you just move here?” And they replied, “No, we’ve been here for about 25 years.” For most people that would be a signal to shut up, but not me. No. I persisted. “Remodeling?” “No.” “Painting?” “No.” “No? “No.” “Oh.” (long awkward silence) I’ve always liked cardboard.” And then I made a mental note to shut…

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Antique Crazy, Sometimes Tart

A New Page for the Health Sciences Book

The New England Journal of Medicine recently confirmed the following scientific findings about toddlers: Toddlers are NOT wishy-washy. They know EXACTLY what they want. Unless they change their mind. Which they are entitled to do, even when you are in the process of giving them EXACTLY what they want. You should know what they want. Even if they don’t. Toddlers spontaneously burst into tears over spilled milk, or for any reason at all. Or for no reason at all. They smell peculiar. They can eat their weight in Cheetoes. In the same study, they determined that…

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