Antique Crazy

Excuses! Excuses!

Several years ago I was invited to someone’s home, someone whom I did not know very well. Upon entering their home, I noticed boxes stacked everywhere and furniture shoved here and there. For the sake of conversation, I remarked, “Oh, did you just move here?” And they replied, “No, we’ve been here for about 25 years.”

For most people that would be a signal to shut up, but not me. No. I persisted.

“Oh.” (long awkward silence) I’ve always liked cardboard.”

And then I made a mental note to shut up before I asked her when her baby was due.

The other day we had a visitor to the house, and although we don’t have boxes stacked everywhere, for some reason I was compelled to apologize for the lack of pictures we have on our walls. People falsely assume that if you are an interior designer that your house is decorated. Ha. Anyway, I lamely offered the excuse that we had just painted. Which is somewhat true. Just two months ago we did have some of the major rooms painted. But we’ve lived here nearly six years and we’ve never had pictures on the wall. So it’s not like the paint has interfered with our ability to accessorize. Our inability to agree on accessories has interfered with out ability to accessorize.

Anyway, that incident started me thinking that surely there is a shelf life on excuses. Technically, how long can I say we just painted? Obviously some excuses last longer than others, like, “I’m pregnant”. That excuse has a fairly short shelf life but carries with it a lot of mileage. Pregnant women can get away with just about anything and they should take advantage of that.

Here are some of my favorite vintage excuses:

I just graduated (in the last century).
I don’t have a job right now (don’t plan on getting one either!)
We just got back from vacation (last summer).
We just moved in (five years ago).
We just painted (five years after we moved in).
I just had a baby (two years ago).
We’re just visiting (we might move back).
I have a toddler. (That one covers just about anything.)

What out dated excuses are you using?

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