Mildly Amusing, Potty Training

The Bathroom Attendant

Sean is two and a half now and according to the experts and what I hear other mothers saying, I should probably be thinking about potty training. I should probably have a potty training philosophy. I should probably have settled on some potty training program. I am doing nothing. I learned that lesson when I was eleven and I’m not falling for it again. I had a training bra and my boobs trained themselves just fine. I figure this is another one of those situations that I don’t really have to manage.

Without any prodding or stage mothering on my part, Sean has shown an increased interest in the toilet — when I’m using it. Like a movie star, I have my own personal bathroom attendant that accompanies me everywhere I go. Literally, anytime and anywhere I go, he’s there. I might be honored if it were just me, but he enjoys a trip to the bathroom with anyone who’s going.

He’s not interested in the toilet, as some children are, as a way of disposing of cell phones or important papers. No. For Sean, the bathroom is another den — a place to take guests to hang out, be comfortable, have a drink, chat. If you’ve visited the House of Antique, and used the restroom, you’ve experienced Sean’s hospitality.

I hear some mothers lament that they never get to pee by themselves now that they have children, but honestly, when’s the last time you saw a woman go to the restroom alone? We always go in pairs at the very least. And even if you are alone, you can always make a friend in line. So, as the only female in the house, I kind of enjoy the company.

Sometimes he holds on to my arm, making sure that I won’t fall in. Other times he pats my knee and tells an engaging story with lots of big hand gestures and explosion sound effects. Usually I get praise when I’m done. Always he stands faithfully by, ready to dispense toilet paper — one square at a time.

I figure this is good practice for the day in the not so distant future when he will have to help his ancient mother to the bathroom. I just hope he remains as enthusiastic. I also hope he gets a little more free with the toilet paper.

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