Parenting Gone Awry, Use Your Words

Brought To You By The Letter “N”

(Scene: Morning. House of Antique. Sean and the crazy lady.)

Sean: (pulling a hand from behind his back) Mommy! My fingers are stee-eee.

AM: (freaking out) Your fingers are stinky?! What did you touch?! Did you touch poo poo? Because poo poo is bad! Very! Bad! You never, and I mean NEVER EVER touch poo poo. Do you hear me? Come here right now, we need to Clorox scrub your hands.

Sean looks at Antique Mommy and in an act of toddler defiance, grins wickedly and moves his spread out fingers towards his mouth.

AM: Sean! STOP! Do not put your fingers in your… DO NOT… Oh me, Sean, why would you put your fingers in your mouth? Why oh why oh why would you do that?

Sean: I got je-wee on my fingers. They stee-ee.

AM: Oh. Sticky. Well, that’s different. Carry on.

15 thoughts on “Brought To You By The Letter “N”

  1. Man I dont know how you do it with a little one, We are the same age, and I am going bonkey with a 15 year old…..
    It is a precious thing to have alittle one though. I do miss it so until I read your posts!!!!
    You are awesome.

  2. AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    I love the way you tell stories.
    I LIVE this life, and I’m still drawn in, reading about yours.
    Carry on.

  3. HaHa! Well told.

    I have a friend whose son went through a stage of sticking his fingers in his, er, buttcrack and then smelling them. Just for fun. Ew. It took them awhile to discipline him out of it. Fun times.

  4. Delurking to say, oh wow did you get me today! Been there, done that… a few times! My four year old is finally (mostly) understandable so this kind of thing doesn’t happen much anymore, but the one year old… we’re just getting started! Thanks for the laugh… 🙂

    Char

  5. One day I slammed on my car brakes with my 2 1/2 year old in the backseat. Her lunch box went flying and the next thing that flew was “Dondommit!!!” Well, I was just as shocked at though she had said “Hiehl Hitler!!!” We DO NOT CURSE in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM in my house. . .except for “southern cursing” such as: “Oh my goodness” “Great Heavenly Days” “Lord have Mercy” and the like.

    After living in mortal fear that she would let it fly in Bible class. . .I finally figured out what she was saying.

    I dropped her not-quite-closed sippy cup of milk on the floor and immediately said, “Dadgummit!” To which Victoria responded “Dondommit!” Case closed.

    Atleast she’s not wholly pagan, so hopefully some 4th graders aren’t out there buying her. 🙂

  6. je-wee is jelly. haim-poo is shampoo and for some reason that one really cracks me up, boo-ee-oh is burrito, paints is pants and paints. I feel as though I deserve a foreign language credit.

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