Mildly Amusing, Sometimes Tart

Mr. and Mrs. Newton

Everyone thinks Isaac Newton was so great and so smart and that he came up with the three laws of motion on his own. Not so. What all the scientists don’t want you to know is that Newton stole the ideas from his own wife. It was Mrs. Newton who first penned the laws of toddler motion after a long hot summer with a two-year-old and Newton later adapted them for his little science project. Isaac Newton’s First Law of Motion Objects in motion tend to stay in motion, and objects at rest tend to stay…

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Always Real, Mildly Amusing, School, Sometimes Tart

I’m Crying On The Inside

Today was Sean’s first day of school. As I walked him down the hall to his classroom, I passed some of my neighbors who had just dropped off their children. They were sniffling and dabbing at their eyes, overcome with separation anxiety. I felt like a rotten mother because I was not crying. I was having a hard time suppressing the happy dance. Although he protested the entire way to school, as soon as we got to his room he made a bee line for the Brio train set and immediately forgot that he had a…

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Modern Medicine

Seeing Dr. Larson

The third and final installment in the Dr. Larson series. Episode #1 – Waiting To See Dr. Larson Episode #2 – Still Waiting To See Dr. Larson When the nurse finally called me back to see the doctor, it took me a minute to stand up because after four hours of waiting, my legs had forgotten the fine art of locomotion.  As though I had on one 3-inch stiletto and one fluffy houseshoe, I did a Merengue (quick-step, hop, quick-step, hop) all the way across the length of the waiting room where Nurse Nohumor was waiting…

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Family Stories

Hester

The day was November 7, 1938. She had turned 39 in August and was in her twelfth year of marriage to an uneducated but hard working farmer who adored her. It was never clear if she really loved him or if at the advanced age of 26, she had just given in to the fear of becoming a spinster and finally agreed to marry him when he asked her for the sixth or seventh time. She was a tall, pretty woman with hazel eyes, a thick head of wavy auburn hair and perfect white teeth. She…

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Thank You Notes

Lookee Me!

Yesterday my blog traffic sky rocketed and so did my spirits which heretofore had been broiled, grilled, blackened and served up Cajun-style by the summer heat. After I checked my site meter referrals did some investigative research using my deductive reasoning and sleuthing skills, I discovered that I had won the prestigeous and “totally important and not-fake JCMHSGBAOE” award which is short for the John Cougar Mellencamp Hurts So Good Blog Award of Excellence given out by the fabulous Amalah over at Club Mom. And you know what the real honor is? That I was nominated…

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Always Real, Mildly Amusing, Sometimes Tart

Some Assembly (And Tequila) Required

We are officially in the dead of summer here in Texas. My flip flops have melted into the pavement like bubble gum. What the mole hasn’t destroyed of my lawn, the sun has burnt beyond recognition. I can barely stand the sight of my shorts and tank tops that I couldn’t wait to wear back in April. I have soured on summer. I am ready to break up with summer. If summer were my boyfriend, I would beat him to death with my electric bill. The thrill of summer is gone folks. Because it has been…

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Tuna

Socializing In Tuna

The fifth installment in a series that looks at life in a small town in Texas. Never let it be said there is nothing to do in Tuna. Between the funerals and hospitalizations, the fun just never stops. Here’s a typical day: 6am – Get up. Read newspaper and check obituaries. 7am – Drive to Whataburger and drink coffee with the cronies. Talk about a) who died this week and b) who is in the hospital and fixin’ to die. Discuss what to eat for lunch. Describe in detail what you ate for dinner last night.…

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Always Real, Sometimes Tart

The Broccoli Police

I am so bummed. I just figured out that motherhood is mostly about trying to get people to eat stuff they don’t want to eat. It hit me the other day when: – I overheard myself saying, “No dessert for you dude until you eat some of those vegetables.” (This from someone who ate Raspberry Zingers out of a vending machine for breakfast all through her 20s.) – I noticed broccoli and bran were where the Cheetos should have been in my shopping cart. – I found myself reading package labels for fiber content. – I…

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Makes Me Sigh

Vacation Planning Just Got Easier

This past weekend, we took a few days off and took Sean to Sea World in San Antonio. The rides! The shows! Shamu! The $3 bottled water! And Sean’s favorite attraction? The candy-cane posts! That was definitely worth the five hour drive and $50 admission. I think on our next vacation, we’ll just go to the mall parking lot and let him play with the parking blocks.

Antique Childhood

Crackers of The Rich and Famous

A while back, I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine who lived in the neighborhood where I grew up. When he said he always thought our family was rich, I nearly fell out of my chair.  I couldn’t believe it. Having grown up wearing hand-me-downs and living in a more than 75-year-old-house with one bathroom no bigger than a broom closet, I can’t think of one thing about our house or our family that would lend that impression.  But then again, he was one of nine kids, so maybe from his perspective…

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