Always Real, Sometimes Tart

The Broccoli Police

BroccoliI am so bummed. I just figured out that motherhood is mostly about trying to get people to eat stuff they don’t want to eat. It hit me the other day when:

– I overheard myself saying, “No dessert for you dude until you eat some of those vegetables.” (This from someone who ate Raspberry Zingers out of a vending machine for breakfast all through her 20s.)
– I noticed broccoli and bran were where the Cheetos should have been in my shopping cart.
– I found myself reading package labels for fiber content.
– I found it interesting
– I spent half a morning devising ways to trick people into eating broccoli and bran.

And it left me with the following questions:

– When did I become the broccoli police?
– How can I hide broccoli in a Raspberry Zinger?

22 thoughts on “The Broccoli Police

  1. Dear Antique Mommy — Don’t worry —You’ll get over it as soon as you are certain that Sean is going to be okay vitamin wise. It is late and I just finished baking 12 1/2 dozen cookies. My grandson in the Air Force is going to be 23 soon and I am mailing cookies, not broccoli! Call the food police!

  2. “I spent half the morning devising ways to trick people into eating broccoli and bran.”

    That is a great line! I don’t have kids yet, but I am currently working on ways to trick myself and my hubby into eating more spinach.

  3. I’ve been watching a great cartoon with my son on vegetables. Story of a little boy and his bear friend. The little boy doesn’t like eating vegetables but in each episode he learns it can be great to eat this or that so he could become a superhero or an astronaut or…… (well, I don’t remember…) Last time I watch, it was about brocoli.:-)
    I will try to find out the name of this cartoon and I tell you if you want.

  4. The raspberry zinger thing is the whole reason why we moms have to do this. For me, it was Munchos and ice cream sandwiches, I’m embarrassed to admit. In our great wisdom, formed by hindsight, we know that when these kids reach their late teens and 20’s, they will survive on all kinds of junk food. Therefore, we must force-feed, trick, and beg in order to stuff them with vegetables and fruits now. Hopefully we can stockpile enough in their little bellies to get them through the Zinger/Munchos years.

  5. Yeah, my kids had organic quinoa hot cereal for breakfast and I snuck some raspberry chocolate swoops in the kitchen. Because MOMMY NEEDS THE CHOCOLATE FOR ENERGY.

  6. Think “vitamin police” instead of “broccoli police.” There were things my kids just weren’t going to eat so I didn’t force it. When the kids are throwing up at the dinner table, well it makes it a little difficult for the hubby and me to enjoy our dinner. The words I looked for on everything were “vitamin fortified.” And since they WOULD eat green beans we had them with everything. I’m still sick to death of green beans.

  7. Ain’t that the truth – in our twenties hee hee, I lived off of mozzarella sticks & marinara sauce…
    But us moms just want them to be healthy!
    You are so funny, I love reading your blogs about your little guys challenges!

  8. I want to know if you can hide it in the zinger? I am a total junk food junkie and hide all of it from the kids while I keep trying to push apples and carrot sticks on them. Do you think they notice?

  9. My dad once made me eat a brussel sprout. Those things stink! I gagged on it. To this day I have never and will never eat a brussel sprout. ‘Cause I don’t have to.

    When Jonathan and his friends were about 2, they called broccoli “little trees.” And they ate them, go figure.

    One more thing: Jonathan has HATED mashed potatoes all his life. The other night he helped me prepared them from start to finish. And guess what? He ate some!

  10. I still can’t get myself to eat much broccoli. I just hate veggies but try to encourage my kids to stick with it. It’s hard in today’s world to eat healthy all the time!

    I love that you’re the broccoli police : )

  11. I was just gonna tell you to tell him they are trees. My kiddo’s like “trees” and hate broccoli. GO figure…

    Also, it says in the Broccoli Police Handbook, Section 3, paragraph 6, that “Broccoli Police may drown broccoli in whatever product necessary to ensure consumption.” Velveeta to the rescue! LOL

    Our favorite drowning sauce is lots of butter and a sprinkle of Mrs Dash. ;O)

  12. Guess what! We are on the same police force! I want little man to eat better than we always have and better than I taught the older kids!

  13. Dip it, drown it, cheese it. That’s our mantra around here. When my kids were toddlers, if it couldn’t be covered in ketchup, melted cheese, or gravy, chances are, it wasn’t going in.

    My picky eater still has to drown everything in ketchup, my eldest child has become amazingly willing to try all manner of things, including ethnic cuisine.

    I am wary of creating those “food issues” all the experts warn us about by placing a higher value on some foods than others and creating a “forbidden fruit” syndrome.

    But honestly, is it wise to let a kid survive on Little Debbies and Goldfish? I don’t think so.

  14. So true. It just happens one day. Someone sneaks the badge on you while you’ve got all hands occupied or something. Due to budgetary constraints, at our house the broccoli police force has been merged with the laundry police, the crumb and wrapper police, the homework police, the tooth brushing police,sleep police, and a whole host of other departments. A big “heavy” job for one department/ person! So I am not above subterfuge! My favorite sneak attack: pumpkin. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pie… Yeah there’s a lot of sugar in those things, too, but ALL that beta carotene is still a very good thing. And they think they’re just having dessert! Heh heh. Then for a green streak every now and again, there’s always zuchinni in its many applications… What a fun blog!
    … she writes while eating a piece of leftover birthday cake that the children should not have because it would ruin their dinner.

  15. I’ll try to sneak in nutrition where I can, but I don’t ever try to force Sean to eat something. I decided long before I was pregnant that if I had a kid, I would never make food or hair an issue. We’ll see, says she who eats a steady diet of her own words. He gets a lot of milk and vitamins and mama’s prayers, so hopefully that will nourish him until he gets some taste buds or sense in his head.

  16. Eat Now! That’s what I have taken to saying to my picky eater because I’m just too weary to negotiate anymore.

  17. I just wanted to throw in a word for chocolate zingers. I had those and a Dr. Pepper every morning for mid-morning (i.e., homeroom) snack during high school.

    I’m laughing at how many closet junk-food eaters there are pushing veggies on their kids. I’m in the club!

  18. So you’re saying that it’s bad that I sneak down to the kitchen for a breakfast of leftover brownies and milk and then tell my 3yr old minutes later “No, you can’t have a Nutty Bar. That’s not breakfast food.” ???? Don’t we earn that right somewhere along the way 🙂

  19. Oh no Julie, I’m not saying it’s bad — I’m just saying I can’t believe that Zinger Girl got a job as the Broccoli Police. Someone should have checked my references.

  20. You’ve brilliantly summed up motherhood in a nutshell. I was seriously going to try to serve roasted asparagus to my 3 year old tonight. What was I thinking?!

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