Socializing In Tuna

The fifth installment in a series that looks at life in a small town in Texas.

Never let it be said there is nothing to do in Tuna. Between the funerals and hospitalizations, the fun just never stops. Here’s a typical day:

6am – Get up. Read newspaper and check obituaries.

7am – Drive to Whataburger and drink coffee with the cronies. Talk about a) who died this week and b) who is in the hospital and fixin’ to die. Discuss what to eat for lunch. Describe in detail what you ate for dinner last night.

9am – Go home and bake a cake to bring to the hospital for the people in group b.

10am – Arrive at the hospital with cake. Joy ride in the hospitality golf cart. Try to get free medical advice from anyone wearing scrubs who happens to pass by.

11am – Reconvene with Whataburger cronies in the hospital waiting room and enjoy cake and free hospital coffee.

12am – Break for lunch at Aunt Clydes. Talk about what you would like to eat for dinner tonight. Round table discussion on what everyone ate for breakfast.

1pm – Go home and put on funeral leisure suit with clip-on tie and dress cowboy boots.

2pm – Attend funeral and post funeral feeding with cronies.

4pm – Meet cronies for dinner at Furr’s Cafeteria. Discuss what to eat for breakfast in the morning. Reminisce about what you ate for lunch.

6pm – Get home in time for Wheel of Fortune.

7pm – Call all the cronies to make sure no one died since Wheel of Fortune.

8pm – Go to bed.

Partyanimals_3The Tuna Social Committee

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25 thoughts on “Socializing In Tuna

  1. The picture is priceless! I hope I’ll be the little lady sitting next to the handsome gentleman when I enter that decade. :-)C

  2. I guess if you didn’t already now that Furr’s is another name for Luby’s, the name would be rather unappetizing. On the other hand, Lube-y’s?? Pass the Imodium please. I guess any restaurant with cafeteria in the name is probably not going to be that good. Unless you like Jello.

  3. Oh my gosh! Just reading this stuff for the first time. All the Tuna stuff is hilarious. I am laughing out loud!
    I live in South Texas. True and funny, funny, funny. Glad to have found your blog.

  4. Hey. . .I am related to those people. . .by common experience only.

    My child–southern by birth–will be eating breakfast and asking me what’s for lunch.

  5. Okay, just where exactly in Texas is Tuna?! Because there are only about 14 people outside of MY hometown that have even heard of Furrs Cafeteria. I think that I may have spent half of my childhood in line at Furrs cafeteria. I can smell the tapioca pudding (with half a maraschino cherry nested in a dab of Cool Whip on top).

    This sounds like every day of my grandparents’ life lately. Except that you left out the part where you call you granddaughter and fill her in on all of these people who she has never, ever known who are dead or about to be!

  6. You’ve struck on a very interesting phenomena here. My 85 year old Grandma is OBSESSED with cataloging meals. She is convinced that discussing the specific dishes and ingredients of a dinner is the height of conversation. Heaven help she go to a restaurant with a group of people. The next day I’ll hear about not only her meal but the exact contents of everyone else’s meal and whether they enjoyed it or not. Amazing. How does she remember exactly how many walnuts Grandpa picked out of his salad and do I really need to know that Hazel thought her chicken was a little dry? I love her though. I’d rather hear her describe the texture of split pea soup than not be able to talk to her at all.

  7. I think the very elderly have to practice their short term memory. Thus the discussion of food. If they didn’t talk about breakfast, it would cease to exist and they would be living in WWII all over again.

  8. Oh, I’ve been to Furr’s and Luby’s and grew up getting the “dilly dish” at Picadilly’s.

    If you’re ever in Texarkana–you can stop at the local cafeteria “Bryce’s.” It’s actually pretty good. Your Tuna crowd will be waiting for you.

  9. Genius…sheer genius.

    I love Whataburger! My husband and I used to live in Albuquerque, NM and we used to stop at Whataburger for a bite. We now live in Tennessee and Tennessee has no Whataburger. Whatashame. Think I’ll move to Tuna.

  10. Well, it’s nice to be in a place where they check to see if you’re dead. Just my luck, it will be 3 days before anyone realizes I’m not there.

    Don’t worry AM, I’ll call on you to make sure you’re still taking care of Sean. And I know that you’ll be serving up chicken nuggets and corn, so we can skip that bit if you want to get to some nitty gritty stuff, like who we should call next.

  11. “..funeral leisure suit with clip-on tie and dress cowboy boots.” I am DYING here! But don’t tell anyone – I don’t need the leisure suit brigade showing up at my front door!

  12. Girl you are truly one of the funniest people on the net. I tell everyone to read your blog. Tuna sounds like your typical small town. I would love it though. I am a little tired of moving all over the place and never getting to know my neighbors, and I miss enjoying a treat at Whataburger like I used to in Lawton Oklahoma

  13. I want more Tuna! I grew up in a Tuna-like town and now live in another one. Mark and I love to go to Bob’s Grill and eavesdrop on the regulars (all men) to learn what the topic of the day is or how the political climate is. In the town I grew up in, the daily coffe-talk spot was the Bon Ton Cafe. Seriously.
    And now that I live in this Tunaville, I too check the obits almost daily. Chances are good that I will know someone, or at least know some one that knew the deceased.

    Six degress of separation? Not around here. Three, maybe.

  14. I didn’t grow up in Tuna but I did grow up in TX. We ate at Furr’s all the time but the only thing I remember eating was Salsbury Steak.

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