Sometimes Tart, Wal-Mart

Things At The Grocery Store That Make You Want To Say Darn

1. The 400-pound deaf lady in the electric cart who is memorizing the entire section of jelly and refuses to move so that you might grab your blueberry jelly and be on your merry way.

2. The unshaven out-of work single guy wearing pajamas bottoms who wants to chat you up about 2% vs skim.

3. The woman in leopard leggings who insists on putting her items on the check out conveyor belt even though you still have half a cart to unload.

4. The cashier who double scans a $20 box of diapers which you discover only after you are on your way home.

5. Getting home to find the bottle of pomegranate juice you splurged on leaked all over the back of your car.

6. The bag boy who puts the frozen turkey in with the bread.

7. Running a cart laden with $153.71 worth of groceries over your own freshly painted and pedicured toe.

8. Spending $153 on groceries instead of a nice pair of shoes.

28 thoughts on “Things At The Grocery Store That Make You Want To Say Darn

  1. I LOATHE grocery shopping for all those reasons and more.

    My favorite is the twenty something gal in high heels, no bra, and a miniskirt so short all her goodies can be seen when she bends over, which is frequently. She walks through the store with her headlights on, fully aware that she is drawing the attention of every male over 9 years old. She buys Lean Cuisine, Soy Yogurt, Tampax (slim regular)and Marlboros, then exclaims over her $20 total..”Things are so expensive these days!” Trollop.

  2. Doesn’t just walking into the store make you say darn? I learned that from my mom; my kid will learn it from me…

    How about shopping in the same aisle where the mother is letting her “precious” push the cart… into everything and everyone. Grrr.

    And Blog Antogonist: That was hilarious!

  3. You do see some interesting characters in grocery stores. BTW Blog Antagonist is right on the nose. A friend of mine used to be the frozen foods manager at our local chain of grocery stores. He would tell us about how word would get around about “those” shoppers when they walked in. By the time they hit the frozen and dairy aisles, every stock/bag boy in the place would all of a sudden find some job that needed doing in that department. :o)

  4. My biggest grocery store aggravation is the Express Aisle Nazi that counts the items before he’ll start ringing up the order. Even though I’ve never stepped into his line with more than the Express Aisle limit and even go so far as to announce the number of items in my cart, he still counts them. Out loud. Every time.

  5. I found my good Christian thoughtlife going right into the toilet whenever I ventured to the grocery store. It was 3X worse if I had to drag the children with me. So, I have a new plan. On Saturday, I arise at 5:30 am (I know it sounds insane, but bear with me), throw on sweats, and head out the door to our 24 hour Wal Mart. There’s no traffic. Bonus. Excellent parking. Bonus. No patrons to jockey for position with. Bonus. The clerks are very jovial and know me by name. Bonus bonus. No long check-out lines. Ding ding ding. Then, I’m pulling into the driveway about when everyone is up. Fiddledaddy has made my coffee. And I’m done. There you go. And my salvation is still intact. Bonus.

  6. Number 3 made my mouth drop open and I said, “No!” OMG. I can’t believe someone would be stupid enough to do that???? I hope you told her “I’m NOT done yet.” or laugh and say “Oh, I’m not going to pay for yours too!” with a smile… and made her pick them back up!

  7. Oh, I know how you feel. That’s why I never shop at grocery stores. No seriously. I give my husband a list and he goes to Sam’s. Yes, the food he brings back is dull, but it saves impulse buying and gives him something to do on a saturday!

  8. Ah yes – the joys of grocery shopping. I don’t even have children at home any more, and I still hate it. My husband has offered to do it, but I must have some sort of complex that won’t let me take the easy way out. (What is that complex any way?)
    Suffice it to say, I suffer through it (sigh), but I don’t like it.

  9. OR when you get in the line with the checkout trainEE who is scared half to death and has a trainER breathing down his/her neck and you have to say, “Don’t worry. It’s fine. We all have to start somewhere.” (Real smile fading into fake smile rapidly.) When you REALLY want to say is, “Honey. . .wake up and smell the produce–you ain’t cut out for the check-out aisle. I have ICECREAM in here. OH, THE HUMANITY!!!! STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!”

  10. No kidding…#1 actually happened to me this morning. Well, not PRECISELY what you said, but close.

  11. I personally manage to do #7 every damn time I go. I usually break the nail as well–very attractive. And I’m afraid that Darn or even Damn is not the the word I usually chooseto announce this event.

  12. I HATE it when people start unloading behind me and I still have a ton of stuff in the cart. What are they thinking? Where do they think I’m going to put my stuff? This seems to be a relatively recent phenomena, but it is happening more and more.

    I also hate getting carded at the grocery store — I’m 45 years old for crying out loud. It’s not fun anymore. I have wrinkles and teenage children, I deserve to be able to buy beer without a hassle.

  13. In my neighborhood, the worst are the senior citizens who can’t see very well but are still driving to the store. I watched an old lady bang into a minivan three times trying to park next to ti before she gave up and looked for another space. She also screamed at me when I told her to leave the van her license number.

  14. I had to laugh at the 400lb woman in the cart. Two years ago I broke my ankle quite badly, which kept me in a cast and a cam-boot for six months. I used the little life-saving electric cart when I went shopping. But, I always felt like I had to let people know that I really NEEDED to use it. See? Lookee my leg…see the big, ugly, black cam-boot? Me broky my leggy.

  15. I’m pretty sure that all of these have happened to me at some point. UGH! 😛 Number 3 cracks me up. Mine was wearing a polyester pant suit instead of leapard leggings, but the rest of the story is the same. I gave her ‘the look’, but she ignored me and my three loud children.

  16. Okay, #4 and #6 are the exact reasons I use the self checkout at Wal Mart. I scan ’em my own self to avoid those things happening. (Maybe I’m a little OCD?) And the lady in leopard pants was behind me last week. I just kept unloading my buggy and piling my stuff right up next to hers. She got the picture and apologized and removed her items! Victory!

  17. Or…….the greeter at the door that wont stop talking about the weather….these were too funny I have really enjoyed these.

  18. This is why my family refuses to go shopping with me. I pack my cart and then unload it to the conveyor in the way that I want it packed. It drives me ape-shit bananas when who ever is bagging that day insists on changing everything. And they find it irritating when I fix the bags.
    Yeah, ok. OCD, I know.

  19. To Mrs. X I can’t believe it, another person who arranges her groceries!! My husband doesn’t even attempt to unload at the check out b/c he knows I’m just going to rearrage. I get some weird looks from people behind me & the checkers but is so easy when I get home!
    Love this post!
    Our nearest big grocery store is 75 miles away. I know all the employees here by name and have a house charge; we get one big grocery bill at the end of the month! There is something to be said for tiny town life.

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