Happy day of birth! Three years ago today you became a mother! No one prior to you had ever given birth before, you clever, verdant life-giving goddess you. Now it seems everyone is doing it.
In the past 36 months, that little boy has helped you learn how to relax the lower end of the old digestive tract and so there’s that, if nothing else. You’ve learned that it’s okay to leave a dish in the sink, okay to go out in public without earrings (gasp – I know that one has been hard) and that no one will die if the bed doesn’t get made.
You’ve learned that scotch tape is not really all that precious, your time is worth more than your money and that at the end of the day good enough is the more prudent course of action if you want to remain attached to your few remaining shreds of sanity. You have not learned how to wrap a decent present.
If the past three years are any indication of what you’re in for, you’re in big trouble sister. You better start working out. That’s all I’m saying. You’ve got a long way to go. If you’re lucky.
Enjoy the cake. All the best to ya’, good luck and God bless.