Three years ago, I may have made this claim: “I am NOT going to baby-proof my house. This is my house and my things. He will learn to live in my house and he’s going to learn the meaning of the word no. Babies are capable of learning the meaning of the word no.”
Goodnight why didn’t someone slap some sense into me? Or some arrogance outta me? Hold on a minute while I slap myself.
Ok. That was refreshing.
Needless to say, we baby proofed our house. Not just to keep Sean safe, but to keep us sane. The second they learn how to roll over on their own, little babies begin plotting how they are going to tear your house apart. Studies have shown this to be true.
As it turns out, babies are capable of learning the word no, but they laugh at you every time you say it. And that’s the real reason why you lock everything up, so you don’t have to be mocked all day long by someone who does not even speak.
Some people hire those services that come in and baby-proof your home for you, but we did not do that because we are
cheapskates do-it-yourselfers. And we did a half-assed job because we not very good do-it-yourselfers.
Nonetheless, in their brief tenure, ugly though they were, the locks and gates did the job – they kept Sean safe and kept me from having to get up off the sofa 1000 times a day. From the den I would hear Sean trying to gnaw through the cabinet like some kind of hungry bear and I could rest easy and continue watching HGTV knowing I had cabinet locks from Wal-Mart to protect my little snookums.
At some point, some time after Sean’s second birthday, we just threw in the towel on the baby-proofing since we were the only ones deterred by the cabinet locks and the gates.
I had not realized until today how lax we had gotten about the locks. I was standing at the counter and Sean shoved me out of the way like a fireman rushing into a burning building. “S’cuse me!” he said, “I need to get in here.” With a serious expression, he held up the lock to show me. “This cabinet needs to be locked!” he exclaimed. He put the lock on and snapped it shut and then with his hands on his hips he admonished me, “I could get hurt!”
After that rebuke, I stopped to consider the next step in child-proofing: itty bitty handcuffs. I wonder if you can get those at Wal-Mart.