Recommended Reading

Best of Antique Mommy Comments

Yay for you, my marvefabuwonderlicious readers! You made me laugh every day this year with your funny, thoughtful, kind and insightful comments. And so, to solute you and the year that was 2006, I present to you the best of your comments, taken totally out of context! * * * Pammer – I will NEVER put bologna on a pizza and try to pass it off as pepperoni. Sorry, mom. SJ – Every great once in a while you might meet other children who you approve of. But there does seem to be an extraordinary amount…

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Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

Kids Say The Darndest Things

AM: Sean, do you have poo poo pants? Sean: No. AM: Are you sure, because I smell poo poo. Come here, let me check. (Stands with his back to me and bends over slightly, a pose we call the check for poo-poo-pants stance, one I half way expect airline security personel to add to their arsenal of ways to humiliate the flying public in the coming year. I pull his diaper back to expose the cutest little plumbers crack ever.) AM: Sure enough, no poo poo, but I smell something. Sean: Must be you.

Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

Look! A Peemo Boat!

Photo Temporarily Unavailable NOT! Even though Playmobil sounds somewhat like Peemo Boat to the untrained ear, it is in fact not. Christmas is as good a time as any to crush the hearts of little children so that they should learn from the great philosopher Mick – you can’t always get what you want, yet you still have to say thank you. I give it six weeks before this non-Peemo Boat and it’s 78 parts finds its way to the trash heap goes missing. The most favored toy status has been officially conferred upon the Magna…

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Antique Daddy, Mildly Amusing, Thank You Notes

Premarital Counseling – Now Available At Home Depot!

If there is one thing that defines my relationship with Antique Daddy it is this: gutter covers.Before we were even married, we embarked upon a home improvement project together and in the process, we discovered everything we needed to know about surviving and sustaining a marriage partnership:  Never do home improvement projects together. Forget premarital counseling. Before couples are allowed to marry, they should be required by law to complete a home improvement project together. If both parties emerge with all their limbs in tact, then that’s a good indication that they can tolerate being married,…

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Antique Crazy, Parenting Gone Awry

The Contest

This morning, Sean and I were putting together a puzzle on the coffee table. We worked side-by-side together in silence for a while and I enjoyed watching him methodically choose, try and then discard ill-fitting puzzle pieces until he found the correct piece. That is so like his father – rational and systematic. Then for no apparent reason, he chuckled. And so I chuckled in return. Then he tried out another laugh, “E-e-e-eeee-ah!” (The Hi-Karate laugh) So then I responded with “Ah-ah-ahahahah!” (The Wicked Witch laugh) Sean: Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a (The Machine Gun laugh) Antique Mommy: “Hoo-hoo-hee-hee!” (The…

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Antique Childhood, Papa Ed

Because My Dad Is All That And A Gourmet Cook Too

In 1965, I was in Mrs. Kelly’s afternoon kindergarten class at Wanless Elementary School. Because my parents were young and poor, my dad worked nights and my mom worked at a bank during the day. That meant that my dad had to look after me in the morning and get me to school. My dad has never changed a diaper or gotten involved in the care and feeding of his kids. Most men of his generation just didn’t interact with their kids like they do today and that’s a shame. But that’s just the way it…

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Christmas, Reruns and Leftovers

Remember When…

I wrote this last year? No? Okay then! Enjoy! * * * The Tree It is December 3rd, 2005 in the year of our Lord, and I am kicking off the season that celebrates His birth by standing on the top step of an 8-foot-ladder, where there is a sticker that reads “Only An Idiot Would Stand Here.” And for those idiots who can’t read, this point is illustrated with a picture of a stick man falling to his death. This Norman Rockwell scene is made even more ridiculous by the fact that it’s 80 degrees…

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Sometimes Sweet

An Old Friend

Photo Temporarily Unavailable This is my old friend, Sitting Santa $1.39. I bought him the first year I moved to Texas when I was 21-years-old. I was poorer than a church mouse in those days, yet I was out coveting shopping on my lunch hour. When you’re 21, nothing has to make much sense and that’s the beauty of being 21. Anyway, I spotted him in a Tuesday Morning and I was enchanted. The box in which he came, which I carefully return him to at the end of every season, has a sticker on it…

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Use Your Words

The Well-Placed Curse Word Is At The Top Of My New Year’s Resolutions List… Again

Antique Daddy: I can’t believe the language Sean uses. GULP! I get that sickening “Called To The Principal’s Office” feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am mentally beating my breast and tearing my clothes. Where did I put my sackcloth and ashes? I am caught and I am guilty. I knew that one day it would come to this. I knew that one of these days it would come back to bite me in the…. behind. I knew that kids repeat everything. I knew that I had to overcome my love and appreciation of…

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