Antique Daddy, Mildly Amusing, Sometimes Tart

The Credit Card

Sometime before Christmas, as I was getting into my car, I noticed something stuck between the seat and the console. So I bravely stuck my hand into that deep dark black hole where loose change, French fries and Goldfish go to die. And lo and behold it was a credit card! It was Antique Daddy’s credit card.

At least once a week, Antique Daddy loses his money/credit cards/keys and I freak out and turn the house upside down looking for them. And while I’m busy freaking out and digging through the trash, he’s busy helping me freak out by watching the news or eating a bowl of cereal. And then later, I usually find the lost item in a coat pocket or some other unlikely place. And so then I lecture him on the benefits of being OCD and how that when you obsessively and compulsively check your wallet for your credit card four or five times before you leave a store or a restaurant you rarely lose those kind of things and clearly, it’s a better way to live. And then I invite him to sign up for a free trial.

So when I found his credit card along with an earring and a petrified tootsie roll (at least I think it was a tootsie roll), I decided I would teach him a lesson. I would stash his credit card somewhere for a while and let him freak out while I ate a bowl of cereal. So I did. I wrote a clever little note telling him exactly when and where I found his credit card and then I put it in his sock drawer. But then Christmas came and apparently he never wore socks in December and I not only forgot that I found the credit card, I forgot that I had hidden it, let alone where I had hidden it.

So then.

Earlier this week when Antique Daddy reported that he couldn’t find his credit card, I once again freaked out and turned the house upside down and dug through the trash looking for it. And I guess you probably know by now that I didn’t find it. Yes indeed, these blonde roots go clear down to the brain where they tangle up and choke the intelligence out of the logic/thinking/recalling lobe.

As I’m bent over the trash can and digging through it for the third time, Antique Daddy shows me the credit card and my oh-so-clever note that he found in his sock drawer.

Perhaps it was the coffee grounds under my fingernails or the stench of things therein that, truly, you do not want to know, but somehow the note wasn’t nearly as clever as I remembered. And the spousal object lesson wasn’t nearly as gratifying as I’d imagined either.

47 thoughts on “The Credit Card

  1. Choking back the laughter. How many times a week does Mr. Half misplace his pocket Daytimer? And the special purple-inked pen he uses with it? And his Bluetooth? I wish I had the math skills to count that high. I’m also glad I’m not the only person who finds stale french fries between the carseats.

  2. An excellent post! You made me laugh. An actual laugh. Thanks.

    If I had any skills whatsoever, I’d put a trackback on this post, but instead I’ll just have to tell you that you were wooted about on my blog. Cheers!

  3. I fear my old “This is hysterical!” remark is losing it’s meaning but nevertheless, this is hysterical!

    Does it help that I only use the phrase when I am, indeed, hysterical but for me that just happens on an extremely regular basis, especially when reading your blog?

  4. That is SO something that would happen to me!

    My thing is that I wish I had a tape recorder constantly running so I could rewind to any time in the past and point out that, “There!! You DID TOO say that, and there’s the proof!”

    And I don’t know how many times I’ve had questionable “stuff” under my nails from digging in the trash or the floorboard for lost things.

    There just ain’t no reforming those poor saps who aren’t OCD to begin with.

  5. (sigh) They never sign up for the free trial, do they? They just take the free meals and listen to the spiel and move on. (shaking head) They have no idea what they’re missing.

  6. I read this after a day when Az first stormed then sulked because I did not know where HIS checkbook was, or what the balance in his account was. Eating cereal and watching tv instead sounds like a picnic.

  7. I cannot tell you how many times my husband has lost his wallet! I have been fortunate enough to receive many phone calls from the finder of said wallet offering to return it.
    So while I can sympathize, I can’t help but laugh. Just a little!

  8. Since it’s “Delurking Week,” I’ll delurk to say this was hilarious and sounds like something I’d do, thinking I’m all cute and clever. I’ve been called Harriet the Spy around here for my penchant for finding things.

  9. OH! You poor poor thing!! That would so happen to me. Stuff like that always backfires and makes me look silly, so I feel your pain.

  10. LOL… you and I are cut out of the same cloth. 🙂 I have done a number of posts that involve coffeehusband finally admitting defeat and it kills him, but he will ask “Have you seen my ____________ ” (Insert either, keys, work keys, billfold, sunglasses or any other ‘thing’ that he really should have a handle on!).

    I’ve also ‘hidden’ something I found – although I admit I never ‘lost’ it again as you did. LOL. Too funny!

  11. That was simply laugh out loud funny!! You really must see about getting your posts published. I’m signing up for the book right now.

  12. I know this has never been mentioned, but do you know that you are a funny writer? I was laughing so hard all the way through this AND THEN I read it to my husband, who laughed all the way through it.

  13. Definitely sounds like something I would do. Except…why would you look in the garbage for his credit card?? Does he throw them away on accident?

    I bet he enjoyed laughing at you for that one.

  14. I’m notorious for putting things in a “safe place” only to never find them again. And my roots are as brown as the day is long. Thanks for making me laugh out loud today. I’ve been lurking for a while, but I thoroughly enjoy your writing.

  15. Donn is the OCD one round here (his nickname is Capt Stress) and yet when we came back after being gone for the summer, it tooks us 2 months to find everything important he’d hidden in those special hiding places. He’s good!!
    But maybe not quite as good as you 😉

  16. Mark preaches to me how everything should have its place and be in it’s place, but who is it that always looses things? I cannot tell you how many times I have called Mark’s cell phone so we could try to locate it. Ugh, that drives me crazy.

  17. I’m pretty sure that you are now on my IT guy’s hit list due to the fact that I tend to spew whatever’s in my mouth onto my computer every time I read your blog. Just lettin’ ya know.

    JennyK…honey i’ve been begging for the better part of a year for her to publish…it ain’t happened yet. Maybe we should start a petition.

  18. That is sooooo funny.

    I am like your husband and it drives mine CRAZY. He is always rambling on about my missing things, which are never really missing perse, just not where I would expect them.

  19. In my house, I’m Mommy, Finder of All Lost Things. So far, the stuff I’ve found has stayed found, but I realize my day’s a-comin’!

    Funny, funny stuff, AM!

  20. Oh, how I feel for AD. I know I’m in the minority here, but in my house, I’m the one who is always losing the credit card. I don’t bother to get all worked up about it because it is always somewhere like a pocket or in a file or between the seats of my car. My husband is Most Likely to Dig Through Trash while I Eat Cereal. Next time that happens I’m going to straight to my sock drawer first!!

  21. We bought a condo with a safe in the closet wall, — but no combination. So, I hired a safe cracker to replace the combination. We now store our valuables (17 credit cards and 4 silver dollars) in the safe, but my hubby cannot remember the combination. I have him right where I want him, since I am the only one compulsive enough to memorize things like that! It keeps me out of the garbage can and my fingernails free of coffee grounds. Fun Post!

  22. I’m the one at our house that loses keys/credit cards, etc. I never stress out. I KNOW when I lost them at a store or such. I know that if I can’t find my credit card, driver’s license or keys that they will turn up. Last time I lost my driver’s license, I waited about a week. I didn’t find it, so I went to DMV and got a new one. That same day I found the old one in the console of my car. BTW, this just makes my husband shake his head in despair.

  23. I can certainly identify.,I’m constantly putting things away, and forgetting where I put them. Glad to see I’m not the only one.

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