Antique Crazy, Mildly Amusing

PP Protocol

Overheard from the bathroom:

Antique Daddy: Okay, aim…. Very good…. No Sean, you don’t need toilet paper.

Sean: But Mommy give me toilet paper.

Antique Daddy: Yeah, but she’s a girl and she doesn’t know any better.

43 thoughts on “PP Protocol

  1. Love it.

    I’m starting to think about toilet training. Want to get ds into three year old kindy, but he needs to be potty trained.

    Don’t think he wants to though.

  2. Classic! I’ve learned all kinds of things – like it’s just not cool to drop your pants all the way to the floor. I was just happy that the kid goes. And I’m more focused on the wipe yourself phase of training now…So I’m leaving the finer points of PP protocol to the dad, too.

    Then I’ve been overhearing the 4yo “teaching” (not so patiently) the 2yo about going in the toilet. “See, it’s sooooo easy. You can do it any time. And then you won’t stink so much.”

  3. Are you throwing froot loops in for him to aim at? 🙂 That’s always fun! My boys would always want to use toilet paper too! I don’t seem the harm … less drips, less mess!

  4. Ah, yes, I remember that conversation, though ours was a little more dramatic. If I remember correctly, Hubs cautioned, “Do you want to have the kid at school who gets clobbered in the bathroom for using TP when he pees?”

    Um, noooo….

  5. Why? Why? Why do men not use toilet paper? Just more proof that we are not made the same and we will never understand each other completely.

  6. Hahaha! He’s kind of right — or at least he would be in my case. The Boy is just starting the potty training and I was lamenting to another mom that I don’t know what to do with that equipment!

  7. It is a pure thrill when they get old enough that when they have to go potty at the restaurant, *DADDY* has to take them! But on the flip side, Daddy also teaches them all the varying types of flatulence, with all the respective names…

  8. And so it begins…She doesn’t know any better?! And he can’t be the kid who gets clobbered for using TP if he uses the stall. My response to hubby would be, “So I guess you’re volunteering to do his laundry now?”

  9. I LOVE that! It kinda reminds me of what happend to me on New Years. My husband and I were driving separate cars home from my in-laws house. I had the two boys with me in the van and he had our daughter in the car with him. We were about halfway home and I get this announcement from my 4 year old, “Mom, I need to go potty.” We still had thirty minutes and I asked him if he could hold it until we got home. Of course the answer was, “I need to go REALLY bad.” Uh oh, my husband was several exits in front of me and we were in the worst possible part in all of Kansas City, not to mention I am seven and a half months pregnant at the time. So I do what any sensible mom does in this situation. I called my husband and asked him if he could pull over and wait for us, so he could take our son to the bathroom. His reply…”There is an empty water bottle in the van, pull over, make sure the doors are locked and let him pee in the bottle.” Like I would have ever thought of that!

  10. Umm, put me in the ranks of the “what is UP with the not blotting?”


    When you do dishes do you just shake off the spoons and put them back in the drawer? No. Why? Because they still wouldn’t be dry. I think you see where I’m going with this.

  11. I did the same thing when potty training my first boy. It’s a very defensible mistake, though, don’t you think? I mean, it would make sense. Yes, in my humble opinion, it wouldn’t hurt them to USE A SQUARE OR TWO! I do the laundry in our house. I see the results. In one place or another, things get wiped…

  12. I have a one-year old son so I have not dealt with this personally yet. However, my husband has an older son and one day he told me, with a roll of his eyes, that his son’s mom had taught him to use toilet paper. I was perplexed as to why that was bad. He said, “Honey, boys don’t blot. They shake.” I have been enlightened ever since.

  13. I teach the boys sitting down, and then daddy steps in later and teaches standing up peepee. I don’t like to clean the mess up! Last year we were having drips on the seat, and my youngest boy is 11! I told my husband that us girls were sick of sitting in pee! So he gathered the boys, 2 were teens, and told them if mom or the girls sit in pee again, he would start going with them and watching them pee to see who it is! LOL We have not had a single drop since then! (the boys knew who it was and I think they may have put some pressure on the little guy, like, if dad has to watch me pee, I’m gonna give you a reason to pee sitting down!)

  14. I guess that converstaion is overheard by every mommy in the world.
    Your husband left out a very important part….or at least one my 4.5 year old thinks is important. “I have to shake it, mommy.” Humm, what do I know?

  15. it always helped my sons to watch hy husband go. You know, little boys want to be just like their dads.
    I do what Tara does. we always have an empty water bottle in the car. It helps tons even though Husband is not so supportive of it.

  16. Janet, One thing I’ve learned in my short tenture as a mother is never go anywhere in the car without a recepticle in which to catch bodily fluids, from one end or the other. Oh the things Dr. Spock never told me.

  17. When my youngest nephew was training, we threw Cherrios in the potty for him to “shoot” at. It worked in that he wanted to play the game, he just didn’t want to touch “it”. He would say, “you hold it” I would come back with “I’M not going to hold it!” Then he’d say, “Well, I’M not going to hold it…” It was a standoff until somebody held it before it did some damage!

  18. there may always be a little dew left on the lilly, but, trust me when i tell you, you do not want your son to be the one to use toilet paper when he pees at school!! just put a little extra clorox in the wash ladies, it’s not that big a deal! at least not when compared to what will be said and done to him at school. listen to your husbands. the retired school counselor

  19. SO FUNNY! I thought I was the only one having this dilemma! I too am a “wiper” :). Recently, because I’ve been chided by my husband, I’ve decided to start a mantra with my son at his potty breaks….”Shake, shake, shake, to the bottom of the lake”! I don’t know that his Daddy will like this routine either 🙂

  20. If I take the boy to the potty–I blot him myself–otherwise I really don’t care ’cause little boy’s underwear are probably 50 times cleaner than little girls’ underwear any day. What cracks me up is when my little guy tries to use the fly of his undies–even his Daddy told him he needed to wait a bit before trying that one again. HA!!!

  21. Yes – for the sake of all coed public gas station bathrooms across America – blot the drip! We really need to start a revolution here, don’t ya think???

  22. Antique Mommy,

    I just found your blog by way of catching up on my reading at Everyday Mommy … you are fabulous!!! I love your blog …

    devoted follower,

  23. Hilarious! I wipe my 3 year old after he pees…I don’t think my husband even knows I do that. Wonder what his reaction would be??
    I’ve also learned (from these comments) that pulling the pants down to the ankles isn’t a good idea either?? SO…leave the pants up and no toilet paper?? The male ritual of peeing is very complicated!

  24. My 3 year old was in Sunday School one morning and had to use the bathroom. One of his teachers took him and when he was finished, handed him his toilet paper. “I don’t need any.” He said, “my daddy says we’re men, and we let it drip in our underwear.” Sigh… dh still hasn’t heard the end of this one LOL.

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