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  • Moving On

    February 13, 2007

    If you have been reading this blog for very long, then you already know that my pregnancy was, hands down, the most joyful season in my entire life. I loved being pregnant.

    When I was pregnant with Sean, I was deliriously (and obnoxiously) joyful. I had a Cover Girl complexion (thanks to the can of sardines and three avocados I ate every day), my hair was full and lustrous and bouncy (probably from the steady diet of Filet-O-Fish). I was never more creative or funny or witty (too bad I didn’t have a blog then) and everyone was nice to me. Oh, and my boobs were very perky too, which is saying something at my age.

    I was radiant from the inside out and everyone seemed to take notice of it, which only served to encourage the blue birds to circle around my head and the sun to shine even brighter upon me. I announced to everyone I came in contact with that !* I *! was pregnant! Would you like to touch my tummy? No? Oh go ahead, touch me! No really, touch my tummy Mr. Fed Ex! Do it or I won’t sign for the package!

    I don’t know how you would explain a non-hugger like me grabbing the hand of a complete stranger and holding it against her tummy other than wacky hormones. I just don’t know.

    I was seven weeks along when I found out I was pregnant with Sean and he came six weeks early, so I figure I got cheated out of at least three full months of fun-filled, sun shining, blue bird singing pregnancy and it still grieves me. That I ever conceived still baffles the best doctors in Dallas, doctors who are extremely nervous to give credit to God for that which is not understood. Yet they have done so.

    Up until last week, I held out hope that I would have another child, that I would enjoy another pregnancy. That I would get another miracle. That Sean would have a biological sibling to torment. That those blue birds would circle me one more time. Even though at my age and with my health issues, pregnancy is probably not ideal. But if I could, I would.

    But tomorrow, on Valentines Day, that hope is no more. I will be having a complete hysterectomy. And while hope is a good thing, the upside to having none is that you can move on. And that’s what I intend to do. I shall move on grateful for what I have rather than disappointed over what I have not. Gratitude — it’s just a better way to go people.

    So. Then. It has been said.

    In the meantime, until I’m back in the blogging saddle, I’ll be time-releasing a post or two and beyond that I may post some vintage Antique Mommy stuff from the archives. Thank you in advance to my faithful circle of cyber-sisters who lift and cover me in prayer. You comfort me.

    145 Comments »

    1. Laurel Wreath says:

      Can I cry with you? I would say about middle of last year that became a reality for me also. I sat down and had myself a good sobbing. And then I got up, thanked the Lord for my blessings and told Him I am excited about what is to come.

      I will be praying for you girl.

      February 13th, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    2. Carola says:

      Gratitude. That’s the best way to go. You got it right. I will be praying for you so that everything goes well. And get well soon, we will miss you.

      February 13th, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    3. Tamara says:

      I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I wish you and your family all the best. I read your blog frequently. Take care and Godspeed.

      February 13th, 2007 at 7:10 pm

    4. Kilikina says:

      Oh I will be praying for you, hope all goes well.
      By the way WHY was your complexion so good during pregnancy? I already have a horrible complexion, and pregnancy it is way worse…

      February 13th, 2007 at 7:47 pm

    5. Pammer says:

      Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.

      And little candy hearts sweet as Sean’s kisses to you.

      February 13th, 2007 at 7:53 pm

    6. Carrie says:

      I am so sorry! I will be thinking of you and praying for you! Hope everything goes well for you. I read your blog every day and think it is the best that I have read. Thanks for being so open and encouraging by sharing your personal struggles.

      February 13th, 2007 at 7:58 pm

    7. Marian says:

      Crying and rejoicing with you on this bittersweet day, sweet gal.

      February 13th, 2007 at 8:31 pm

    8. Laurie says:

      Antique Mommy, My prayers are with you. God is fullness to us and a willingness to move on into a new phase of life allows us to trust His goodness and wisdom.

      February 13th, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    9. gracie says:

      It’s Valentine’s day here already (Australia) and the day is beautiful… I am praying that when you arrive on this day that you will find peace in the mad pre-op moments, that you will know that you are held and that your body and heart will find deep healing.

      February 13th, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    10. Judy says:

      Hi. I’m a new reader, but I want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. May God be with you and your family.

      February 13th, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    11. Sarah S. says:

      I, too, LOVED being pregnant!

      I’m sorry that your hopes have ended, thankful that you are healthy (and, of course, have precious Sean). I’ll be praying…

      February 13th, 2007 at 8:44 pm

    12. tleaf10 says:

      Hopefully, you have already gone to bed to rest up for tomorrow’s adventures. I just wanted to offer some advice that I often need: Let someone else take care of that…whatever “that” may be. The people closest to you will be looking for ways to help and comfort so give in and let them do your laundry, feed your family, mow your yard, etc. etc. You sound like the kind of person that would do the same for them … and that time will come too. My prayers are with you.

      February 13th, 2007 at 10:21 pm

    13. owlhaven says:

      Praying for you. I am really sorry for your loss…

      Mary

      February 13th, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    14. Wendy Boucher says:

      Recover quickly, AM! We’ll miss you in your absence. Enjoy all the upsides to having one child (and don’t rule out adoption?). We have one child and although we always planned for more, there is a special family bond that you get with one. Always look on the bright side of life!

      February 14th, 2007 at 8:12 am

    15. Rabbit says:

      I’ll be holding you and your caregivers in prayer today, AM. May God’s peace and comfort and rest be upon you!

      February 14th, 2007 at 9:17 am

    16. Sarah says:

      I’ve been reading your blog for some time, but I don’t think I’ve commented before. Today I want to tell you that I’m praying for you, and that I hope your recovery is smooth and quick. The Lord be with you.

      February 14th, 2007 at 9:55 am

    17. Amy H says:

      tears. at work.

      thanks for sharing. I hope you feel better very soon. I know that you bring me so much joy and I hope that you have friends around you that bring you the same.

      also-stay on top of the medicine. you don’t want to be playing catch-up.

      Godspeed!

      February 14th, 2007 at 9:55 am

    18. tricia says:

      Praying for you today.

      February 14th, 2007 at 10:33 am

    19. Beth F. says:

      You can bet my prayers and thoughts are with you today and always. May your recovery be swift. I hope you can you feel everyone’s love and prayers surrounding you today.

      February 14th, 2007 at 11:49 am

    20. YewNorkBabe says:

      You are in my prayers. I’ve had a total hysterectomy too and I’ve never felt healthier!

      February 14th, 2007 at 2:01 pm

    21. joythruChrist says:

      You’re in my prayers, AM.

      February 14th, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    22. Janna says:

      Praying for you a full and quick recovery!

      February 14th, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    23. Paulette1958 says:

      I just came by today and read this. I am certainly praying for you today that it will be an easy and quick recovery for you.
      I will ask the Lord to comfort you as well. I am so thankful you have Sean, I love coming here and watching him grow. Thankyou for sharing him.
      God Bless you today. Hope to see you soon.

      February 14th, 2007 at 3:16 pm

    24. Sally says:

      I missed a day of reading your blog and wasn’t aware of this news until today. My prayers are with you, my new friend. I wish you a speedy recovery.

      February 14th, 2007 at 4:25 pm

    25. Deanna says:

      I’ve been out of the loop a little bit lately and just read this – I will pray for your recover!

      February 14th, 2007 at 5:14 pm

    26. chris says:

      Oh Antique Mommy,

      My heart feels heavy for you. I pray you’ll recover quickly, both physically and otherwise. You are much loved!

      Chris

      February 14th, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    27. Clare says:

      I will be praying for a swift recovery for you. I am sorry you have to have this done. Please take care of yourself.

      February 14th, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    28. Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:

      I am soooo sorry to hear. I am sending you my thoughts and prayers!

      (How wonderful that you had such a wonderful pregnancy!!! How beautiful!)

      February 15th, 2007 at 12:52 am

    29. Lindsey says:

      What a beautiful son you have been blessed with!

      Your surgery will have happened by now but like all the others, I am praying for you and your family. May God bless you and keep you safe during this time. May you have lots of comfort and support from those who do life with you. Hugs and love 🙂

      February 15th, 2007 at 3:35 am

    30. Grandma Cathy says:

      Lord,

      I just pray that you would be with this special child of yours, today the day after this major surgery, I just pray that you would give her comfort, while she is recoverying, give her peace and strength. I just ask that you would send the right staff to take care of her, and that she can be an example for you like she is in this blog. I also praise you in advance for her quick recovery, as she leans on you.
      In Jesus Name,

      Amen

      February 15th, 2007 at 8:02 am

    31. Elisa says:

      I’ll be praying for you.

      February 15th, 2007 at 8:52 am

    32. Lynn says:

      You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am new to the blog world and just happened upon you today. Thanks for sharing. May the Lord give you strength for this journey.

      February 15th, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    33. grafted branch says:

      So very sorry to hear of this. Missed it until today, but trust you came through surgery well.

      I am praying today for your healing. And for you comfort. That the Lord Jesus would envelope you with His love and give you peace as only He can.

      The Lord bless you…

      February 15th, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    34. Crazy Working Mom says:

      Prayers, well wishes, and hugs to you and your family.

      February 15th, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    35. Overwhelmed! says:

      I’m sorry you’re having to have this surgery. I had a partial hysterectomy when I was a late teen. Unfortunately, I never got to experience pregnancy and I never will. Thankfully, I’ve had many years to come to terms with this reality. And it certainly helps that I’ve been blessed with the most precious little boy through adoption.

      My friend, who adopted a baby boy after years of infertility, recently had to have a full hysterectomy. For her, being forced to give up hope of becoming pregnant was the toughest part of the ordeal. She’s coping quite well as she heals.

      Please know you’re in my thoughts and prayers as you recover from your surgery. May your healing be speedy!

      February 16th, 2007 at 11:30 am

    36. smcarney says:

      I’m sorry to hear this news but grateful that you got to experience your little man. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this healing process.

      February 16th, 2007 at 9:25 pm

    37. Jeanette says:

      I hope the surgery went well. I’m a little late checking in on you. I’m sorry… I know this is a tremendous disappointment for you.

      (hugs)

      February 16th, 2007 at 10:19 pm

    38. Jennifer says:

      I haven’t checked your blog in a few days, so I’m sorry this is after the surgery. I hope everything went really well, and that it turned out to be easier than you expected…at least physically.

      My thoughts and prayers are with you!

      February 17th, 2007 at 11:07 am

    39. Kathy Kelley says:

      You commented on my blog once…about the Moles. I read your blog from time to time and just found this one. I hope you are doing well after your surgery. If you don’t know about Hystersisters http://www.hystersisters.com ….. take a peek. Its got great help, lots of information and an awesome community of terrific gals.

      February 17th, 2007 at 7:10 pm

    40. Mommy Dearest says:

      Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m very behind this week, so I’m here after the fact. You give that boy of yours an extra big hug; you’re blessed to have him (and we’re blessed to have you).

      February 17th, 2007 at 8:17 pm

    41. Jenny Hylton says:

      I am a new reader and will be praying for you. I am only 28 and had a partial hysterectomy last month. Hopefully your recovery will be quick. I really expected mine to take more time but within a week or so I was feeling better physically.

      I will pray that God heals the rest. Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest.

      February 17th, 2007 at 9:45 pm

    42. James Kronefield says:

      I hope your hysterectomy procedure went well and you are feeling better now. I wish you all the best!

      February 18th, 2007 at 8:28 am

    43. snapshot says:

      Frequent reader. Often blessed by you. Know that many are praying God’s peace, blessings and health be granted to you.
      Bless….

      February 18th, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    44. connie says:

      I don’t recall how I found your blog, but I’m glad I did! Finally, someone else who understands being an “antique” AND first-time parent! I became a first-time mom at 41 when we adopted our daughters who were 9 and 12 at the time. I definitely appreciate your humor–my daughters think I’m crazy most of the time!!! 🙂

      February 19th, 2007 at 11:23 am

    45. Nicki says:

      Just read this post. I’m feeling the need to apologize for EVERY time I was sad about not getting a girl baby. I’m sorry (not sure to who) and I’ll try not to let it happen again.

      December 7th, 2007 at 4:57 pm

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