Always Real

Moving On

If you have been reading this blog for very long, then you already know that my pregnancy was, hands down, the most joyful season in my entire life. I loved being pregnant.

When I was pregnant with Sean, I was deliriously (and obnoxiously) joyful. I had a Cover Girl complexion (thanks to the can of sardines and three avocados I ate every day), my hair was full and lustrous and bouncy (probably from the steady diet of Filet-O-Fish). I was never more creative or funny or witty (too bad I didn’t have a blog then) and everyone was nice to me. Oh, and my boobs were very perky too, which is saying something at my age.

I was radiant from the inside out and everyone seemed to take notice of it, which only served to encourage the blue birds to circle around my head and the sun to shine even brighter upon me. I announced to everyone I came in contact with that !* I *! was pregnant! Would you like to touch my tummy? No? Oh go ahead, touch me! No really, touch my tummy Mr. Fed Ex! Do it or I won’t sign for the package!

I don’t know how you would explain a non-hugger like me grabbing the hand of a complete stranger and holding it against her tummy other than wacky hormones. I just don’t know.

I was seven weeks along when I found out I was pregnant with Sean and he came six weeks early, so I figure I got cheated out of at least three full months of fun-filled, sun shining, blue bird singing pregnancy and it still grieves me. That I ever conceived still baffles the best doctors in Dallas, doctors who are extremely nervous to give credit to God for that which is not understood. Yet they have done so.

Up until last week, I held out hope that I would have another child, that I would enjoy another pregnancy. That I would get another miracle. That Sean would have a biological sibling to torment. That those blue birds would circle me one more time. Even though at my age and with my health issues, pregnancy is probably not ideal. But if I could, I would.

But tomorrow, on Valentines Day, that hope is no more. I will be having a complete hysterectomy. And while hope is a good thing, the upside to having none is that you can move on. And that’s what I intend to do. I shall move on grateful for what I have rather than disappointed over what I have not. Gratitude — it’s just a better way to go people.

So. Then. It has been said.

In the meantime, until I’m back in the blogging saddle, I’ll be time-releasing a post or two and beyond that I may post some vintage Antique Mommy stuff from the archives. Thank you in advance to my faithful circle of cyber-sisters who lift and cover me in prayer. You comfort me.

145 thoughts on “Moving On

  1. Can I cry with you? I would say about middle of last year that became a reality for me also. I sat down and had myself a good sobbing. And then I got up, thanked the Lord for my blessings and told Him I am excited about what is to come.

    I will be praying for you girl.

  2. Gratitude. That’s the best way to go. You got it right. I will be praying for you so that everything goes well. And get well soon, we will miss you.

  3. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I wish you and your family all the best. I read your blog frequently. Take care and Godspeed.

  4. Oh I will be praying for you, hope all goes well.
    By the way WHY was your complexion so good during pregnancy? I already have a horrible complexion, and pregnancy it is way worse…

  5. I am so sorry! I will be thinking of you and praying for you! Hope everything goes well for you. I read your blog every day and think it is the best that I have read. Thanks for being so open and encouraging by sharing your personal struggles.

  6. Antique Mommy, My prayers are with you. God is fullness to us and a willingness to move on into a new phase of life allows us to trust His goodness and wisdom.

  7. It’s Valentine’s day here already (Australia) and the day is beautiful… I am praying that when you arrive on this day that you will find peace in the mad pre-op moments, that you will know that you are held and that your body and heart will find deep healing.

  8. Hi. I’m a new reader, but I want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. May God be with you and your family.

  9. I, too, LOVED being pregnant!

    I’m sorry that your hopes have ended, thankful that you are healthy (and, of course, have precious Sean). I’ll be praying…

  10. Hopefully, you have already gone to bed to rest up for tomorrow’s adventures. I just wanted to offer some advice that I often need: Let someone else take care of that…whatever “that” may be. The people closest to you will be looking for ways to help and comfort so give in and let them do your laundry, feed your family, mow your yard, etc. etc. You sound like the kind of person that would do the same for them … and that time will come too. My prayers are with you.

  11. Recover quickly, AM! We’ll miss you in your absence. Enjoy all the upsides to having one child (and don’t rule out adoption?). We have one child and although we always planned for more, there is a special family bond that you get with one. Always look on the bright side of life!

  12. I’ve been reading your blog for some time, but I don’t think I’ve commented before. Today I want to tell you that I’m praying for you, and that I hope your recovery is smooth and quick. The Lord be with you.

  13. tears. at work.

    thanks for sharing. I hope you feel better very soon. I know that you bring me so much joy and I hope that you have friends around you that bring you the same.

    also-stay on top of the medicine. you don’t want to be playing catch-up.


  14. You can bet my prayers and thoughts are with you today and always. May your recovery be swift. I hope you can you feel everyone’s love and prayers surrounding you today.

  15. I just came by today and read this. I am certainly praying for you today that it will be an easy and quick recovery for you.
    I will ask the Lord to comfort you as well. I am so thankful you have Sean, I love coming here and watching him grow. Thankyou for sharing him.
    God Bless you today. Hope to see you soon.

  16. I missed a day of reading your blog and wasn’t aware of this news until today. My prayers are with you, my new friend. I wish you a speedy recovery.

  17. Oh Antique Mommy,

    My heart feels heavy for you. I pray you’ll recover quickly, both physically and otherwise. You are much loved!


  18. I will be praying for a swift recovery for you. I am sorry you have to have this done. Please take care of yourself.

  19. What a beautiful son you have been blessed with!

    Your surgery will have happened by now but like all the others, I am praying for you and your family. May God bless you and keep you safe during this time. May you have lots of comfort and support from those who do life with you. Hugs and love πŸ™‚

  20. Lord,

    I just pray that you would be with this special child of yours, today the day after this major surgery, I just pray that you would give her comfort, while she is recoverying, give her peace and strength. I just ask that you would send the right staff to take care of her, and that she can be an example for you like she is in this blog. I also praise you in advance for her quick recovery, as she leans on you.
    In Jesus Name,


  21. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am new to the blog world and just happened upon you today. Thanks for sharing. May the Lord give you strength for this journey.

  22. So very sorry to hear of this. Missed it until today, but trust you came through surgery well.

    I am praying today for your healing. And for you comfort. That the Lord Jesus would envelope you with His love and give you peace as only He can.

    The Lord bless you…

  23. I’m sorry you’re having to have this surgery. I had a partial hysterectomy when I was a late teen. Unfortunately, I never got to experience pregnancy and I never will. Thankfully, I’ve had many years to come to terms with this reality. And it certainly helps that I’ve been blessed with the most precious little boy through adoption.

    My friend, who adopted a baby boy after years of infertility, recently had to have a full hysterectomy. For her, being forced to give up hope of becoming pregnant was the toughest part of the ordeal. She’s coping quite well as she heals.

    Please know you’re in my thoughts and prayers as you recover from your surgery. May your healing be speedy!

  24. I’m sorry to hear this news but grateful that you got to experience your little man. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this healing process.

  25. I haven’t checked your blog in a few days, so I’m sorry this is after the surgery. I hope everything went really well, and that it turned out to be easier than you expected…at least physically.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you!

  26. You commented on my blog once…about the Moles. I read your blog from time to time and just found this one. I hope you are doing well after your surgery. If you don’t know about Hystersisters ….. take a peek. Its got great help, lots of information and an awesome community of terrific gals.

  27. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m very behind this week, so I’m here after the fact. You give that boy of yours an extra big hug; you’re blessed to have him (and we’re blessed to have you).

  28. I am a new reader and will be praying for you. I am only 28 and had a partial hysterectomy last month. Hopefully your recovery will be quick. I really expected mine to take more time but within a week or so I was feeling better physically.

    I will pray that God heals the rest. Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest.

  29. I don’t recall how I found your blog, but I’m glad I did! Finally, someone else who understands being an “antique” AND first-time parent! I became a first-time mom at 41 when we adopted our daughters who were 9 and 12 at the time. I definitely appreciate your humor–my daughters think I’m crazy most of the time!!! πŸ™‚

  30. Just read this post. I’m feeling the need to apologize for EVERY time I was sad about not getting a girl baby. I’m sorry (not sure to who) and I’ll try not to let it happen again.

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