Antique Embarrassment, Geeky Stuff

IPOD May or May Not Increase Cool Quotient and Rhythmic Abilities

The other day I decided that my clunky 1980s Sony Walkman with cassette player and AM/FM radio was seriously dragging down my cool quotient and that I should probably make the leap into the new millennium by purchasing an IPOD.

Always one to be on the trailing edge of what’s hot, hip and happening, I didn’t really know what an IPOD was exactly. Only that it is some sort of personal music Walkman device. And if there is anything that will ratchet down your cool quotient, it’s using the phrase “Walkman device” in the year 2007.

The Apple commercials left me with the impression that as soon as I bought an IPOD I would automatically become cool, as well as be able to dance in public like nobody’s business. And then maybe get cast in a Gap commercial or something. I may have inferred the Gap commercial part. But that possibility was appealing, you know, in case my blogging career doesn’t pan out and the Gap starts looking for uncool and out of shape 47-year-old women to dance in their ads.

When I got to the electronics store, I put Sean in the cart and we went up and down the aisles looking for the IPODs. To me, everything in an electronics store looks the same — rows and rows of silver boxes and black carrying cases for the sliver boxes and then cables to plug into the silver boxes.

After wandering the store for forty years, a sales boy took pity on me and led me into the land of IPOD where he began techno-evangelizing from the book of Apple. I was impressed because I didn’t know that 13-year-olds could even get jobs! And God bless his geeky little heart. My skinny, pimply, ill-clad, shampoo-challenged sales child, he was as smart and as sweet and as earnest as he could be. But we were not speaking the same language.

I drifted in and out of consciousness while Sales Child painstakingly and thoroughly explained everything. Everything. Anyone. Including Steve Jobs. Ever. Wanted to know about IPODs. But was afraid to ask. I pretended to listen and tried not to yawn overtly. As I stood there watching him talk about gigs and megs and cylinders, I looked at Sean sitting in the cart and then I looked back at Sales Child. And then I realized that he probably wasn’t born a pimply geeky little Sales Child. No, he was probably a cute little boy at one time too. His mother probably still thinks he’s a cute little boy. And then it occurred to me that his mother is probably ten years younger than me. And has a tattoo. And she is probably on her second or third IPOD. And then that line of thinking became unpleasant so I went to my happy place until his lips stopped moving.

Then finally! He stopped talking! Amen already! And like a good car salesman, he got around to the most important question of the day — what color would the little lady like?

Maybe you’ve figured out by now that there is no real point to this post other than to report that I am the proud owner of a lime green IPOD. And I love it. Still waiting for my cool to kick in. In the meantime I’m practicing for my Gap audition. Just in case.

56 thoughts on “IPOD May or May Not Increase Cool Quotient and Rhythmic Abilities

  1. I’m repenting……I have a Sony Walkman, too. Sounds like I need to take my 40 year trek to look for a new IPOD……then have my kids show their tech-challenged mother how to use it. Love your humor!

  2. Mark got me a hot pink Ipod for my birthday. Now I am hooked. I love the thing. You can even put pictures on it. So, does this make me cool? Probably not.

  3. from one antique mommy to another: thank you for making me laugh so hard i nearly peed my pants. i know. that’s not cool, but hey, i’m an uncool, out-of-shape, antique mommy too. at least you own a cool lime green ipod. and there’s no way on this green earth that gap is ever going to even let me audition for them! lol! i guess i’d better get an ipod, too …
    🙂 M

  4. I still have my very first Walkman from 9th grade. Circa 1982. I just can’t let the thing go. I actually does work.
    But I do use my Nomad Zen. I know how to open a playlist. I do not know how to make a playslist. My Antique Daddy has to do that for me.
    It’s an IPod, I guess. I wanted one of those little bity postage stamp IPod things. But no! My husband, Mr. BiggerBetterFaster had to get the mega gigga something or other. I hardly know how to work the thing. But when I do happen to get it to work, I feel OH. SO. COOL.
    Are you up for a partner in that Gap ad?

  5. You will love the iPod! I got mine from my husband for Christmas, after we firmly agreed that there would be no gifts to each other. And to think that I was feeling guilty for breaking the deal by getting him some chocolate for his stocking….

  6. I got one last Mother’s Day and I am still waiting for the cool to kick in. But I absolutely love it and you will too. I even downloaded a couple videos. It still amazes me that all that information can be stored on such a teensy little thing.

  7. So have you figured out how to put some songs on that there gadget? I’m clueless; Scott or the kids have to do it. Not that I own an MP3 player…I surpass the MP3 coolness and am even more cool by rolling my eyes and making fun of it and then borrowing it when they’re not watching.

  8. I’m so not cool, but the iPod was my all time favorite gift from my husband – he woke me up at like 2 in the morning on Valentine’s day because he was so excited he couldn’t wait until later. I love love love my pod. You’ll love yours!

  9. Walkman? I put my antique stereo in a pram… A bit restricted by the length of the cord, but I’m chained to the kitchen sink anyway…lol

  10. I’m afraid……….my children are 17 and 14. Who is going to do all things computer and electronic when they leave for college????? My ipod has “pathetic” music on it as my 14yo puts it. But I love it!!

  11. My music genre is pathetic-eclectic: Carpenters, Moody Blues, Clapton, Jackson 5 (the early stuff), Dirty Dancing, Swing Out Sister, Etta James, No Doubt, Green Day, Pink, Phil Collins, Isreal K-something (the Hawaiaan guy), Aretha, Al Jarreau, Pink, Fleetwood Mac… Now you know. More than you wanted probably.

  12. The instant you purchased that Ipod, an alarm went off in Steve Jobs office reminding him to deploy the next round of upgrades in anticipation of release of a newer cooler machine. Planned obsolescence, you can never catch up to the cool.

  13. My husband upstaged (or forestalled, maybe) my attempts at coolness by buying an mp3 player of another brand before I even knew I wanted and needed an IPOD speficially. Now, I fear, I never will be quite as cool as I could’ve been. Oh well, I don’t dress well enough for those GAP ads anyway.

  14. You know, it’s funny; I was just thinking yesterday about the fact that I must be getting old because I hear all about these ipods etc and don’t have a clue about them, really… I think you may have inspired me to venture out into the 2007 world of techy schtuff… Possibly…

    One more thing?! Lime green rocks!! Tres cool!!

  15. Two years ago, Mr. Right got me a, Ipod shuffle for my birthday. Had I shown an ounce of interest of having one? No. Have I learned how to put music on it? No. Do I even know where the think is? Yes, but only because I’ve been cleaning up the house and saw where it had been laying, covered in dust.

    At least you made the choice to be cool. I had it forced on me and it doesn’t fit so well – like my summer shorts.

    Welcome to the world of gadgets. Maybe you can explain them to me some time. And while you’re at it, you can give me the low down on Gameboys too. I don’t get them either…

  16. I don’t have an Ipod – but I do have an MP3 player – so I am not quite as cool as you are.

    We buying my 73 yr old Mother Inlaw an MP3 player for her next birthday next month. Never too old to start being cool!

    She saw mine and fell in love with the lil arm band thingy (goes around your upper arm so you don’t need pockets AND helps to lessen the batwing jiggling! LOL).

  17. I’m getting a pink one this weekend! I can’t wait. It is my reward for six months of consistent exercise and my motivation to keep it up. I know very little about them, but am sure I can rely on the kids at church to help me out, or something like that.

  18. I married a younger man, so I was introduced to the iPOD revolution quite early in the game (after THREE other MP3 players, all gifts from my husband – can you tell he’s not a flowers kinda guy?).

    I never knew that it was possible to develop such an unnatural attachment to an electronic device. Sure, I loved it when it played music, but then I discovered and realized I could download audiobooks.

    And it was the start of a inseparable relationship…

  19. Good for you! You made a big step! I haven’t jumped yet, but got one for my daughter for Christmas. While visiting her one weekend I decided to play with it, a little research. It was hard to tell the ‘quality’ of the sound since she listens to so much cr@p! So I canned that idea. Couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. Oops! I let her know that as we were leaving…..

  20. You are going to LOOOOVE your IPod. You’re going to take it everywhere with you and it’ll be a source of constant distraction, entertainment, amusement and, yes, coolness.

    I use mine for three things:
    Music (with thousands of songs on there, you can pick a mood, any mood, and have it instantly).
    Audiobooks (imagine being able to listen to a Mary Higgins Clark book while doing dishes)
    Podcasts (I download and listen to the Dave Ramsey and Flylady Podcasts religiously).

  21. LOL at the little Sales Geek! I’m still giggling. I’d LOVE an Ipod, but can’t bring myself to spend the money yet. Maybe one day I can be cool too lol. Sadly, my 50-yr old mom has one, my Dad has one, my little sister has one. But I still don’t have one. My mom is cooler than me, that is depressing 😛

  22. My husband just got me one of those itty bitty Ipod Shuffles, lime green of course, for my birthday. So you’re asying that not only did he give the gift of music, he gave the gift of cool? Panache,might you even say? Wow! My Cool also appears to be a little delayed in coming. Maybe you have to get music onto it for the cool to kick in. When you figure out how to do it, be sure to post about that, too, ok? Just to give you something to write about, of course. Be sure to include very detailed instructions, ok? Just to give you an opportunity to review them for yourself, of course.

  23. So jealous you got lime green! I got mine when white was the only choice.

    Now, to be really cool you need the thingy that plugs into the cigarette lighter in your minivan so you can play the iPod thru your radio. I live in my van, so that’s where my iPod stays.

  24. I am soon to be 45 years old and I do not own an IPOD. In fact,I am so pathetically far behind the times that I do not even have my own cell phone and I still don’t know how to work the digital camera!!No kidding!! It took me years before I could even send an e-mail without help!! Do you think there is there any hope for me?? My teenage daughters don’t!!

  25. At 39, I think I’ve already hit the age of Can’t Teach an Old Dog New Tricks. I am afraid I may forever be stuck with the electronics of this age. FOR.EV.ER. The only time I get to experience anything new, like the wonderful new ringtone on my phone (Chicken Noodle Soup — don’t ask) is when my middle schooler downloads it for me.

    My son has an iPod, but frankly, they scare me to death. To be quite honest, I have a CD (DVD? hell, I don’t know) that I purchased in December of my daughter’s winter program and I STILL haven’t been able to view it on my computer. I try opening it up, but nothing happens.

    See why I don’t bother with an iPod? It would never actually contain music if I did.

  26. We bought my mom and ipod for her 60th birthday. We engraved it with “every little thing she does is magic” We got her a pink Kate Spade case for it. She’s always been cooler than any of us so now she has the accessory to prove it.

  27. I envy you your sales geek. I tried researching online before buying and got so confused I gave up (for some dumb reason ipods don’t play nice with audiobooks). Plus there is the small problem of no high speed internet. Ah life in rural America. Where it just snowed 30 inches!

  28. I like your music choices. My music list is equally pathetic-eclectic. My lists under “generes” includes blues, country, easy listening (Rod Stewart sings the classics), hip-hop/rap, pop, R&B, soul, and “World” (the Baha Men). Just about the only thing I don’t have is jazz. That is Mark’s department.

  29. Well, A.M…now that you have an IPod, I have a feeling I’m one of the last remaining hold-outs. Add to that, a recent post disclosing that I don’t watch American Idol…hmmm, how do you spell S-Q-U-A-R-E?
    But good for you…you hip thing, you!

  30. Too weird. I spent two playdates today talking about my imminent purchase of an iPod. No. I haven’t actually purchased it yet…just thinking about it. So, spill the beans? How many gigabytes (or whatever they’re called) do you have? (I’m liking the Kate Spade case idea.)

  31. Gee AM, Just ask Sean to program a Playlist into your IPod for you. He might not be able to make himself know as to what a “peemo boat” actually is, but I know all children today are born with an electronic chip imbedded somewhere under their arm or behind an ear. My grandkids don’t know squat about grammar, but they have whole rooms full of electronic gizmos.

  32. What exactly are you saying about moms with tattoos? huh?

    Just kidding. But I do think my husband should at least get points for his tattoo being of Max from Where The Wild Things Are. Right?

    I have yet to enter iPod world. Let me know how it goes.



  33. I am about to make you feel like the “coolest woman on earth”. I carry around a little radio (you remember those) thing when we walk. I do have a walkman, but carrying the radio allows both my husband and I to listen at the same time. I’m tempted to hide it behind my back whenever a car drives by, but they probably wouldn’t have a clue what it was anyway.

  34. I just got my first IPOD a few months ago myself – an IPOD shuffle. I got a little one so I could pin it on myself as I exercised. I find looking through music to download tedious, so I downloaded one set of songs and haven’t changed it yet. But tonight, I am completely excited to try audiobooks – it hadn’t even occurred to me until I read these posts!

  35. Just so you know, to qualify for a Gap commercial you don’t just need the lime green iPod, but also need to be wearing baggy, khaki pants with an untucked shirt and sneakers and somehow manage to not look like you’re a homeless person, but a chic urban dweller.

  36. Ahhh Yes I love my Hot pink I-pod. I never leave home without it. My kidss tell me i am more addicted to music than a teenager, and they would be correct. Best investment I have ever made.

  37. I’m still dwelling hopelessly in the land of the uncool, but if I owned an iPod, I’m sure it would be the lime green of which you speak–good choice.

    I posted a writing project on motherhood today at: If you have any ideas on the topic, I’d be interested to hear them. Also, I’m attending the birth of a friend very soon (she’s due in a week). This will be her first birth; she’s 41. I would love any insight you have concerning a first birth in your 40s.


  38. I stumbled into your blog from the comment you left a Rocks in My Dryer – Thank you for your comments. I agree with you that balance must be maintained with our kids.

    I never had a bike accident – but my brother did and he can not remember that day.

    I just wanted to thank you for saying what I wanted to say – but you said it better.

    Bleach Free Blessings!

    Now I’ll go read your original post here because it looks interesting. 😉

  39. The point of that post is making me laugh and laugh and laugh out loud. I LOVE YOU. Thanks for being on of my favorite writers ever. I want to buy you an IPOD. Every single word of that was awesome.

  40. I so relate to all of that! We bought our daughter one for Christmas. And she loves it! My husband won one and it is still sitting here. We don’t know what to do with it. AAAACKKKKK. We need help.

  41. Good choice on the lime green. If it makes you feel better you are cooler than me and I am in my 30’s. Don’t own one and have been thinking I need to get with the program, but would also be lost in the store. What a cool hip mom you must be to your little boy:)

  42. Everyone in my family has an IPOD but me. Which makes me feel even more uncool than you were feeling. My teenage daugther and son each have the first IPOD Shuffle and my younger pre-teen daughter has a new pink shuffle. My husband has the Nano. Yes, and poor me, not even a discman.

    They are all willing to ‘sell’ theirs to me when they are ready to upgrade. I am so blessed!!

  43. Love it! 🙂 Great entry! (I will definitely have to come back and visit, since I can’t seem to leave — I just keep reading! LOL)

    Hope you are enjoying your iPod. We put mine on a docking station/player thingee in our living room, and we have been practicing dancing like in the latest iPod commercial (specifically the latest commercial because that’s the music we dance to). LOL

  44. Oh, I loved this post! Had to read it aloud to my family. I’ve just discovered your writing and am enjoying it VERY much!

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