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  • The Partnership of Marriage

    April 21, 2007

    Last night, a long-time friend dropped by the house for a visit. His wife had recently decided to end their marriage of 20-some years. He was hanging in there, but as we chatted with him, heartache just seemed to fill the room clear up to the ceiling.

    Photo Temporarily Unavailable

    And so today, I find myself thinking about the partnership of marriage.

    I think of my own parents who have been married for 52 years — all of their adult lives. I’m sure there have been times on their journey when either could have come up with about 50 ways to kill the other with everyday household appliances. But they persisted for another day leaving small appliances in tact. And sometimes it’s just one more day that can make all the difference. Eventually, all those one more days add up to a lifetime.

    As a product of that union, their marriage has been a reassuring thing to behold. It has been an anchor in my life and the security it provided was perhaps the greatest blessing of my childhood.

    I hope and pray that our marriage might be a reassuring thing for Sean to behold. That it might anchor and bless him in these tender years. And I also pray that earlier in life, rather than later, he might find a Godly woman to love and who would love him in return for a lifetime — a woman who will hang in there to make the journey with him into forever one day at a time.

    Love… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

    1st Corinthians 13:7


    26 Comments »

    1. Kara says:

      Beautiful post! I’m sorry for your friend. I feel the same as you, I hope our marriage will be a good influence and reassurance to my children. 🙂

      April 21st, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    2. Linda says:

      As you pray for Sean’s future partner I think you can feel confident that the Lord will answer that prayer. The Lord gave us two of the most precious Daughters-in-law you can possibly imagine – each suited to our sons so well. God absolutely hears and answers prayer.

      April 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    3. Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) says:

      That is beautiful, A.M. I think the greatest gift we can give our children, is the stability they receive when the two most important people in their lives work through everyday problems, big and small, and see it through. That, together with faith, produces such a solid foundation for a child. The three-chord strand, not easily broken.

      I pray for that with all of my heart for my children as well.

      April 21st, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    4. Big Mama says:

      My parents divorced when I was 9 and while it didn’t turn me into a narcissistic sociopath (at least not totally) like some books will tell you, it did leave me to spend a lot of my childhood filled with conflict. I knew I’d never want that for my child if I could help it.

      Beautiful post. You captured it perfectly.

      April 21st, 2007 at 4:10 pm

    5. blog_antagonist@yahoo.com says:

      We too have friends who have recently decided to divorce. They have only been married 5 years. Thankfully they have no children. But I have to wonder about how seriously they took their marriage vows.

      I wish the same thing for my boys that you wish for Sean. Husband and I have been married 14 years, and I am very thankful to have a life partner like him. I hope our children will see how committed we are to one another and draw from that.

      That was a lovely post

      April 21st, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    6. Antique Mommy says:

      The combination of love and perserverance is powerful powerful stuff.

      April 21st, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    7. Carrie says:

      Thank you for your wonderful post! I am pregnant with my first child and thinking about how to keep our marriage strong so it will make an impact on our children’s lives, too!

      April 21st, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    8. joythruChrist says:

      It never fails. You always make me smile one way or another, be it a funny post, or a sweet one like this. For that, I thank you.

      I’ll keep your friend in prayer. Maybe reconciliation isn’t completely hopeless?

      April 21st, 2007 at 5:36 pm

    9. cce says:

      I don’t think anyone sets out to break their vows but there are some instances when staying together is just more damaging to the children then separating. It sounds like your parents have something enviable but for every perfect match there are 2 very imperfect ones and there’s nothing more damaging to a child then living in house of simmering hostility and mutual disrespect. We all want to give our children the gift of security and happiness. Some of us will accomplish this by staying married while others will achieve this goal by recognizing an unhealthy union and hastening its ending. When it comes to family and love, there’s no one size fits all.

      April 21st, 2007 at 6:14 pm

    10. Katharine Cook says:

      You and Antique Daddy have to remain joined at the hip for Sean and for your own state of mind. We, who have been married forever, are reaping the benefits of surviving various marital spats. We are in our 54th year of marriage and are appreciating each other as never before. The early years were wonderful, but these few years left at the end of life are when you appreciate the mate who has lived and loved with you throughout a lifetime. I cannot imagine a life without him … our friends are dying off and our kids are busy with their children, so we are left with each other and it is the very best place to be. Hang on and hang in there. I’m sorry your friends did not know how lonely they are going to be apart.

      April 21st, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    11. kelli says:

      My husband could have run a long time ago based on the short end of the stick he got in the sickness and health department.

      He loves ME. Scars, surgeries, dialysis and all.

      Praise God. I got a great one.

      April 21st, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    12. Beck says:

      Marriage IS hard work, but I LOVE my husband. He’s the best person I’ve ever known, completely self-sacrificial AND a lot of fun. I’d have to be pretty dopey to walk away from him, ever.
      Now let’s hope he never catches on to the raw deal he got in the marriage department….

      April 21st, 2007 at 7:28 pm

    13. Anne Glamore says:

      Well said. My parents had an unhappy marriage, and since my mom’s death I’ve learned much more about the cr*p my mom put up with. However, we’ve used it as an example of what NOT to do.
      Remember to thank each other for the small things. Be polite. It matters.

      April 21st, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    14. Deborah Li says:

      It’s good to start praying for Sean’s future wife. I know it seems early, but one comforting and assuring thing that my mom has done since I was like 4 yrs old was to pray that my future husband would be a man after God’s heart and will be a faithful and loving husband. When she told me that, it really amazed me and was just such a loving and touching thing for her to.

      April 22nd, 2007 at 12:04 am

    15. Deanna says:

      Great post! When I was growing up we rarely heard,’Wow, your parent’s are divorced?’ I don’t know if we knew what that was. Now, my daughters hear, ‘Wow! Your parents are still married?’ much too often.

      April 22nd, 2007 at 12:53 am

    16. Myrna says:

      Wonderful words! Our thirty-eight years have been a remarkable journey. We prayed that God would lead our two sons to Godly women. In HIs very special and specific way he answered that prayer for both of them. We feel truly blessed!

      April 22nd, 2007 at 1:13 am

    17. Lynn says:

      With an attitude of love, prayer and dedication like you have, I have no doubt that you and AD will withstand all storms. Mostly, because a:) you know the storms will come b:) you know the seriousness of your vows and c:) you know the Father who steps with you into each of the next days. Thanks for encouraging me into year 36! It never gets less work!

      April 22nd, 2007 at 8:36 am

    18. mcewen says:

      I have elderly parents who are still married to each other. I think it is a true sadness that our own children are unlikely to experience grandparents, and their friends, elderly and married, as being either ‘the norm’ or commonplace.
      Best wishes

      April 22nd, 2007 at 10:47 am

    19. joel says:

      I recall hearing about Ruth Graham (wife to Billy) being asked by an interviewer if she, as a Christian woman, had ever considered divorce. Her reply was something akin to “Murder, yes. But divorce? Never.”

      April 22nd, 2007 at 11:47 am

    20. Carola says:

      I also take the journey one day at a time. I hope it works!

      April 22nd, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    21. Bethany Zab says:

      I really love this…my husband and I both had parents married over 25 years and by the time we bade it to our 3rd anniversary, both marriages had dissolved. We are determined to be the exception to this pattern.

      Bless you and your union.

      April 22nd, 2007 at 10:59 pm

    22. ZOOM says:

      I work in a profession where sometimes we have to help couples navigate splitting up property etc. We have a saying in our office that just because the grass looks greener you still have to mow it.

      If there is substance abuse, mental illness, or physical/ mental abuse, the parties are usually happier apart. But many times, if it is boredom or fantasy thinking that causes the divorce there is tremendous disappointment and a sense of disillusionment that life did not magically get better after the divorce.

      April 23rd, 2007 at 9:16 am

    23. Shalee says:

      We’re going on 15 years this summer and, although that doesn’t seem like a lot of time to me, most people ask who we’ve managed to make it this long (and still love each other). I have to admit, there was a time when we were together only for the kids, but we did a lot of praying and maturing and compromising which makes us the very happy couple that we are today. Sometimes staying together for the kids is the only thing that glues you together, but with a lot of work and honesty on both sides, it doesn’t have to be the only reason you’re keeping a promise that you made to each other.

      You wrote this so beautifully, AM. It’s great to have role models not only for our kids but for us too.

      April 23rd, 2007 at 10:29 am

    24. Damselfly says:

      I hope my boy finds someone to love early on, too, who will love him with all her heart — at my age, if he waits until the same age I did to have a child, I might never be a grandma! 😉

      April 23rd, 2007 at 4:52 pm

    25. marcia says:

      What an amazing. . .amazing picture.
      Exquisite!!!

      April 24th, 2007 at 6:14 pm

    26. Antique Mommy says:

      Thanks! It was kind of a happy accident. Someone used a flash on the camera at the same time the photog snapped her picture. It ended up being my favorite one.

      April 24th, 2007 at 6:32 pm

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