Mildly Amusing, Modern Medicine

Dr. Rippy

Recently Sean had an appointment with the pediatrican for the umpteenth time this year to see about this chronic cough he’s had since 1983. I keep telling him that maybe he should consider cutting back on the cigarettes. Or breathing. The air in north Texas is constantly laden with pollens and allergens making breathing dangerous to your health.

Antique Daddy and I have always taken Sean to the pediatrician’s office together. I go in and sign in and Antique Daddy and Sean wait outside in the hall and watch the elevator go up and down until our name is called. And the reason we do this is because – think about it – the pediatrician’s office is full of sick kids. And all of those nose picking, germ spewing sick kids are putting their snotty, sticky, germy hands all over everything in sight. And if there is anything Sean wants to touch, it’s everything in sight. So it’s just better this way for germophobes like us.

As I sat there waiting, I looked around the waiting room and I realized that you can always tell the new parents with their first child. The new mother has her newborn all decked out in a matching shirt, bib overalls, sweater, hat, socks and shoes thinking that she will impress the pediatrician. Because he has never seen a cute baby before. At least not one as cute as hers. She also has a list. The list details the number of times little snookum’s has pooped, what color/shape/texture it was, and what time in military time the pooping event occurred.

I know this because I had that same list. And on the first visit, with Sean decked out head to toe in Osh Kosh, the doctor took the list from me and ripped it up. Right before my very eyes. And I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was my grocery list and that the poop list was in the diaper bag.

At any rate, as I watched Mrs. Newmom hold up the Baby Einstein book and say “Dog! Dog! Dog!” over and over, I became exhausted just thinking about getting that adorable bag of flour dressed and undressed. But — because of all that dressing and undressing, all the rest of the appointments behind her would be running 30 minutes behind. It’s very inconsiderate to dress your baby in cute matchy stuff with an 8:30 am appointment. Oh sure I did that too. Once. Then the rest of the first year of Sean’s life, I just put him in zip-up sleepers because I figured that a doctor who would rip up your grocery list isn’t worth the Osh Kosh effort, b’gosh.

29 thoughts on “Dr. Rippy

  1. oy, now I know who to curse when I have to wait a half hour a half hour past my appt. It’s those darn osh kosh jumpers and them new mommies 😉

    hope Sean is okay 🙂

  2. We can’t really wait outside at the ped’s office (the way it’s set up), but you should see me with my kids: “Sit right here (20 feet away from any potential germ-carrying patient). Keep your hands to yourself, honey. Here, put on some hand sanitizer. Here, put on some more. Yes, I realize you just used some 5 minutes ago. Please don’t argue with me. And turn this way whenever that child over there coughs.”

    I hatehatehate taking my kids to the ped’s office, especially when THEY’RE not sick!

  3. How is it that these adorable bags of flour end up as wiggly, difficult to dress bags of potatoes?

    And you STILL can’t dress them cute ’cause now they WON’T SIT STILL ALREADY?!

  4. I feel so exposed.

    I am sooo guilty of overdressing our baby girl – the FIRST time. The doctor never even saw her in all the bells and whistles as I was told to undress her before he ever came in. (Argh..)

    Guilty. Embarassing.

  5. Buh-dump-bump. . .she’s here all week, ladies and gentlemen. . .

    Great one liner there at the end.

    What I hate are newborn-12 month outfits with shirts that do not snap in the crotch. I learned this very early in dressing child #1. The CUTEST outfit is not worth the neatly typed list of poo if the shirt doesn’t snap in the crotch, people.

  6. Those lessons are often learned the hard way. Expedience is the name of the game. Get in and get out…if you can. Prepare for a wait with lots of books and distracting activities. And honestly? I can’t remember ever discussing poo colors. Lucky me.

  7. imagine: 1 baby, 1 toddler, for a 3 month checkup and an 18 month checkup. Oh the fun.. We went in early, with kids in pajamas. I got funny looks at Wal Mart afterwards though. hehehehee. After the first well baby check with # 1, I learned.

  8. He ripped up your list? That’s so… disresepectful. My kids primarily go to see the nurse-practioner – and one of the nice things about him (besides him being super cute) is that he will listen to my long list of maternal concerns with full attention.

  9. It sounds disrespectful, but that’s just his style. He’s a little laid back and goofy and a lot irreverant. He has really helped me relax a bit and not take it all so seriously.

  10. That list ripping IS a good sign! He wants to hear from you, not your paranoid you, lol. I bring lists with for ME now, lol. Because I forget everything, but I usually forget to READ the list with him, LOL.
    I’m on baby 7, so you can imagine how I dress my child… haha! Actually I’m terrible, I know that noone is going to see his cute outfit, but they ARE going to see his diapers, so I try to use his most cute embroidered cloth diapers, but so far no one is impressed, lol. Except the photographer at Walmart one time. I like him!

  11. Now admittedly having four children is generally frowned upon, but if you do, then those ‘zippy worm suits’ are the only way to go.

  12. The on-call pediatrician (not our usual ped) we saw recently checked my daughter and said she had an ear infection. Then he said, “See. She is sick. Now you won’t feel like one of those paranoid mom’s who brings their kid in for every little sniffle.”

    You mean like I usually do? Um… thanks, Dr. OnCall. I’m glad you aren’t my kids usual ped.

  13. I worked nine years in a hospital maternity ward. One group of our peds docs had two waiting rooms … one for check-ups and one for sick kids. The moms knew better than to take an openly sick kid into the well baby area. I always wondered if the kidlets in the sick room cross pollinated their infections?

  14. Kids pick their noses? Hmph. 😉

    I never would have let the doc near my list. I’d have bit off his arm if he went for it.

  15. Every time I took my babies to the doctor the nurse would insist that they be stripped down to the diaper before the doctor would come in. I thought they did that everywhere.

  16. yep, can’t beat the sleep and play zipper suits. I am on my third and this kid only wears them. Snaps are definitely for newbies.


  17. haha…our dr’s office also has a well baby room which I LOVE for checkups..nothing worse than taking a well child to the dr only to return later with them sick :0/

    Your blog gives me my daily giggle! Thanks

  18. I’m a pediatrician and I was laughing until I cried at this post. I try and comment on cute outfits for first time parents because I know they spent a lot of time picking out that “first trip to the doctor” outfit…but frankly no matter how cute your kid is they’re nowhere near as cute as MY kids at home.:)

    The list too made me laugh. Although, frankly anyone who goes into pediatrics should understand the paranoia of a first-time parent and should be able to be patient. I became much more understanding though when I had my own kids.

  19. Had to laugh at how you always wait in the hallway due to being a germophobe. (Only another germophobe could understand that!!) Here I thought I was the only one……

  20. he ripped the list – that is a great story! i will have to inform my husband….staring his peds residency in July!

  21. Okay this reminds me of our last family vacation where there was this other couple in the airport traveling with their only child. Decked out head to foot in black leather and sunglasses, with the high-end stroller and matching baby as the perfect accessory they were hysterical. It was really funny to look at their Serious Chic-ness next to our scraggly crew of four kids. It was like hillbillies-meet-Matrix.

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