7am. – Coffee
Pour first cup of coffee. Bump cup on edge of counter. Favorite cup breaks and splashes moderately hot coffee down the front of the cabinets and all over my feet. Do the walking on hot coals dance. Clean up mess.
7:30 – Eggs
Remove egg from carton to crack into pan. Drop egg on my foot en route. Hobble over to the sink to wipe yolk from between toes leaving a trail of egg slime from stove to sink. Clean up mess.
7:40 – Toast
Toast pops up. Reach for butter tub. Knock brand new tub of butter off counter. Splat. Falls open side down – of course – and not just on the floor, but again, on my foot. Hobble over to the sink and wipe butter from between toes. Take note that this is third time I’ve had my foot in the kitchen sink this morning. A new record. Put mostly clean glop of butter back in tub when no one is looking. Clean up mess. Spread questionable butter on cold toast to serve to my child.
7:50 – Call Sean to table to eat toast and eggs. Bump plate on the edge of the table launching scrambled eggs into centerpiece and pile of yesterday’s mail. Pick eggs off the table and put back on plate. Clean up visible mess.
8:10 – Get Dressed
Attempt to improve attitude with tube of mascara. Drop mascara brush down front of white shirt. Watch in amazement as mascara wand rolls off the vanity and – you guessed it – onto my foot. And then onto the rug. Consider kicking mascara wand across the bathroom until I see image of interested 3-year-old in mirror behind me. Make a better bad choice and mutter “damage” under my breath. Wipe mascara from between my toes. Remove rug and shirt to the laundry to join other collateral damage of the morning.
8:30 – Plan Day
Ask Sean what fun thing he’d like to do today. “The funnest thing I can think of is to play with you Mommy,” he says. Heart pops out of my chest and lands in a big sloppy mess at my feet where I splash around in it like Gene Kelly.