Always Real, Antique Crazy, Sometimes Sweet, Sometimes Tart

Shortly After 8:30am, They Lived Happily Ever After

7am. – Coffee
Pour first cup of coffee. Bump cup on edge of counter. Favorite cup breaks and splashes moderately hot coffee down the front of the cabinets and all over my feet. Do the walking on hot coals dance. Clean up mess.

7:30 – Eggs
Remove egg from carton to crack into pan. Drop egg on my foot en route. Hobble over to the sink to wipe yolk from between toes leaving a trail of egg slime from stove to sink. Clean up mess.

7:40 – Toast
Toast pops up. Reach for butter tub. Knock brand new tub of butter off counter. Splat. Falls open side down – of course – and not just on the floor, but again, on my foot. Hobble over to the sink and wipe butter from between toes. Take note that this is third time I’ve had my foot in the kitchen sink this morning. A new record. Put mostly clean glop of butter back in tub when no one is looking. Clean up mess. Spread questionable butter on cold toast to serve to my child.

7:50 – Call Sean to table to eat toast and eggs. Bump plate on the edge of the table launching scrambled eggs into centerpiece and pile of yesterday’s mail. Pick eggs off the table and put back on plate. Clean up visible mess.

8:10 – Get Dressed
Attempt to improve attitude with tube of mascara. Drop mascara brush down front of white shirt. Watch in amazement as mascara wand rolls off the vanity and – you guessed it – onto my foot. And then onto the rug. Consider kicking mascara wand across the bathroom until I see image of interested 3-year-old in mirror behind me. Make a better bad choice and mutter “damage” under my breath. Wipe mascara from between my toes. Remove rug and shirt to the laundry to join other collateral damage of the morning.

8:30 – Plan Day
Ask Sean what fun thing he’d like to do today. “The funnest thing I can think of is to play with you Mommy,” he says. Heart pops out of my chest and lands in a big sloppy mess at my feet where I splash around in it like Gene Kelly.

47 thoughts on “Shortly After 8:30am, They Lived Happily Ever After

  1. Better to have your foot in the sink than in your mouth, where mine usually is.

    I mean…mine is usually in my mouth, not yours. That would be a bit awkward.

    See? It’s amazing how effortlessly I can do it.

  2. Wow you’ve got some clean feet today! 🙂 At least one of them anyway.

    I love how you put the questionable butter on Sean’s toast. Been there, done it, now giggling about it.

  3. Well, at least you are quite washable and you did not also have to clean a SHOE, as I seem to remember you’ve done before… Thank goodness your Cole Haans were spared the grease and mascara stains! Sounds like the rest of the day was much, much better.

  4. I didn’t actually intend to scramble the eggs, it was just one a series of ridiculous events. I swear some days you just wake up under a cloud that is intent on following you around and casting a shadow of humiliation upon you.

  5. …And this is exactly why I try not to do anything at all before 830am when I can help it. The earlier in the day the clumsier I am.
    You crack me up!

  6. I think I’ve decided that Sean is either Eddie Haskell Jr. or a sincerely sweet sweet little boy with a tender heart. Either way it works on his mama who is stupid crazy about him.

  7. oh heavens, what a morning! May your weekend now be clumsy free.
    Love your blog, btw. Your writing style is great. 🙂

  8. Too funny. I woke up early the other morning, sat down to read your blog and couldn’t figure out where I was! I need some advance notice of big changes!

  9. This is hilarious and sounds like some days around here! Doesn’t it just seem that if one thing goes wrong then they all go wrong.


  10. So, you could easily make the point, a bare foot in the sink is better than a Cole Haan sandal in the toilet, don’t you think?

    “a better bad choice” made me laugh, I do that daily!

    I vote that Sean is sincerely sweet and tender hearted. There’s something about little boys…

  11. awww…doesn’t his sweet little comment just make the whole day better?!

    Look at it this way, at least you can postpone your next pedicure, seeing as how you’ve already “treated” your feet today!

    Hope you have a wonderful rest of the day!

  12. Well, at least the ending turned out perfectly…

    (And that butter is NOT questionable. Just make sure that you get all the little particles off and no one will know -says she who has a busted Shedd’s Spread container sitting on a plate in her fridge…)

    I vote that you go to IHOP tomorrow… and Sunday too since it’s your big day!

    (And I’m pretty sure that Sean is a sincerely sweet sweet little boy with a tender heart. He gets it from his momma.)

  13. What a morning! But at least you can laugh about it… and let the rest of us laugh with you!

    Now I want eggs…

  14. I seem to have had the rest of your morning. I didn’t drop anything off my foot, but I did have a quart of white paint roll off our garbage can (one of those big rolly ones) and land on the floor with a big splat. Paint everywhere. And I didn’t even say “Damage”.

  15. HILARIOUS! 🙂 At least your bad morning made the rest of us laugh until we cried! 🙂 Hope the rest of your day went better!

  16. It is so funny that those things happened to you today. I believe I am getting clumsier as I age. When I went to get gas for my husband – who was preparing to mow the lawn – I sloshed gas all over the little container and (you guessed it) my foot – and shoe. My hands still smell like gas – even after numerous washings. And I didn’t even have a sweet little boy to make the day better!!

  17. You must have the cleanest feet in town! If these random acts of clumsyness keep up, you had best hot foot it to the doctor. Sometimes there are reasons for this sort of thing. (The nurse in me is suspicious of everything) I love it that Sean think that you are the funnest way to spend a day. You can tell from the giggles in your “You Tube”.

  18. That was too funny! Don’t we all have mornings like that? Although, I don’t think I’ve ever had to wash my feet three times in one morning. 🙂 But that’s because I wear shoes and don’t bother to clean them. 🙂 You have an incredible gift with words!

  19. When I need a LOL moment – I can always count on you to make my morning brighter! And the funniest thing: I have those days at least once a week except instead of my foot, everything ends up in the dog’s food bowl or water bowl (try cleaning dog water off a salt shaker & wondering if the dog wonders why her water tastes like it came from the ocean!) Sean’s comments must make you melt all the time!

  20. I just know your Mother’s Day is going to be awesome…what with a little boy who still thinks you’re more wonderful than Big Bird.

  21. What a cutie you have! Sorry about the morning, though. Haven’t we all just wanted to crawl back into bed some days?! Happy Mother’s Day to you. I really enjoy your blog.

  22. Happy Belated Mothers Day. I have passed Sean’s video on and have gotten many thanks for making their day. I have to admit that his little laugh have stuck with me and I often find myself smiling at the oddest moments. Thank you.
    I am sure that many of us can relate to such a morning, yet you bring it to us in a refreshing manner.
    Better days ahead……

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