Always Real, Antique Crazy, Mildly Amusing

Only Because Stacy London And The Local News Would Not Approve

I have two or three boxes of maternity clothes in my closet that I can’t bear to part with or pass along.

Part of it is that my pregnancy was the most joyful time in my life and I want to hang on to that. The other part is that I had some darn cute maternity tops and dresses that I didn’t get to wear nearly enough. The pants? Not so much. Good riddance. There is no such thing as cute maternity pants.

So the other day when I was in my closet the boxes called out to me. And like Pandora, I wandered over and opened them up. The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of the mirror holding up a few of the blouses and dresses and reminiscing about when I last wore them and how fabulously pregnant I was.

And then, just for kicks, I tried on one of the tops and it fit pretty well. Yes, it was kind of loose, but isn’t that loose-peasant-y look kind of in style right now? If anyone can look like a loose peasant, it’s me. And then I tried on one of the dresses and I was thinking, this doesn’t look so much like a maternity dress. It has the little ties in the back and lots of non-maternity dresses have the little ties in the back. I could wear this to church. Who would know? And for a full minute, I gave that thought some serious consideration.

But ultimately, I put everything back in the box and stashed it away for fear that I might get into an accident on the way to church on Sunday morning and be found unconscious wearing a maternity dress. And it would be reported on the local news:

Jane: “Steve, This morning a Texas woman was found unconscious at the scene of an auto accident. She was wearing a dress with tie backs, but the label found in the collar clearly reads Motherhood Maternity (pauses to grimace). The woman was last known to be pregnant in 2003. (raises eyebrows slightly). It is also reported that she was not wearing good underwear (shakes her head). Her mother had this to say. (Video clip of Wivian) “I always told her to wear good underwear in case she was in an accident. But does she ever listen to me? No. She never listens to me. I can’t explain the maternity dress.” (she waves off the camera and closes the front door) Back to you Steve.”

Steve: “Speaking of crazy, Jane, we have had some cuh-razy weather lately. We are in for another round of showers, but apparently not baby showers! So you can put those maternity clothes away, ha ha ha…”

And then instead of dying of a concussion, I would die of embarrassment.

34 thoughts on “Only Because Stacy London And The Local News Would Not Approve

  1. hi Antique Mommy,
    I’m a lurker and a wannbe blogger. Love your blog. You have a way with words and I love hearing your tales.
    A suggestion re this post: turn your sentimental maternity clothes in to a treasured quilt. I make quilts, often commissioned by mommies who fight the tears and tantrums of little ones to hand over outgrown cherished PJs or favorite dresses. Once these tactile memories are captured, displayed and preserved in a darling, warm quilt…bright smiles all around. To be cherished once again–this time for lifelong use!

    I made my 4yo daughter a quilt from her first year’s sundresses and I’m awash with loving memories each tme we use it.

    Thanks for all the smiles and chuckles your posts give me!

  2. Wow, what a wonderful idea about the quilt. I wish I knew how to quilt because I too am hanging onto my maternity clothes. They sit in a box in my closet. Like you, I was only pregnant once and I LOVED being pregnant. I just can’t bear to part with them.

  3. I could just see the look on Stacy London’s face if she ever did see you. πŸ™‚ I’ve heard what she says to people who wear maternity when they don’t need to.
    The quilt sounds so fun!

  4. I’m guessing you could probably get away with some of those tops. I recently decided NOT to buy a shirt because I thought it looked like a maternity top. You could do the reverse. But you’d have to cut the tag out. πŸ™‚

  5. Someone needs to start a business turning maternity clothes into quilts. And scraps into scrapbooks. That’s about the only way I’d ever get any of that stuff done as much as I’d love to do it.

  6. I’m pretty sure Stacy wouldn’t approve of me continuing to wear my stretchy black maternity yoga pants either lol, but here I sit comfortably in them. πŸ˜€ I’ve gotten away with maternity tops too, I have a few that look mostly like normal tops.

  7. I used to work with a lady who had a beautiful dress…that was a altered maternity dress. Her oldest was 5 at the time. She said she paid alot of money for the dress so she had it taken in in several places and it was really a beautiful dress.

    I love the quilt idea!

  8. ROTFL !! Stacy and whoever-is-her-latest-sidekick who DIE if they saw my closet. I hate the current trend in clothes – can’t STAND things that don’t hit me @ my natural waist. All my stuff is more traditional/classic – and I have some things I WILL NOT be parted from. ( I harbor a secret desire for her to try…just so I can kick her trend-lovin butt! )

  9. Now I’d pay good money to see Boo Mama and Stacy London in fashion throw down. I’m puttin’ my money on Boo. When a southern gal kicks your butt, you just think you’ve been complimented.

  10. I’m sitting here at work laughing hysterically! I love it!

    I hung on to one of my maternity tops (from 8 years ago!), too. It was my husband’s favorite (and he’s not a big compliment-giver) and just holds so many fond memories. Definitely the most magical times of my life, being pregnant!

  11. There are so many shirts in the stores now that SCREAM maternity! I also see these young things wearing them and think HUH?

    I can’t bear to get rid of my cute maternity clothes either.

    A quilt is a great idea. If only I had the time and skill.

  12. Yeah, I gave that a try. Unfortunately, my upper arms still look pregnant, so I had to box the clothes up to rid myself of any suspicion!

  13. I love your posts!! I was actually on a stretcher in the er after a car accident (while my head swelled to ridiculous proportions – but I’m fine now – really), and I had to chuckle as I thought about the times my Mom said to always wear clean underwear just in case. Thank hevens mine were clean.

  14. Cut out the tags!! And/or carry a note of explanation on your person at all times while wearing them.

  15. I say the quilts are the best idea. I couldn’t wait to get rid of my first trimester maternity clothes. The sight of them made my morning sickness come back!

  16. I will take a ‘flowing top’ any day than to see the latest trend of ‘this is my belly won’t you all pay homage to it’.
    If you cut the tags out can you claim it’s a rare ‘antique’ that is priceless and you’ll sue if anyone damages it? Puts the focus back on them.

  17. I say wear them. You’re only young once and you could definite pull it off…

    Just make sure you wear your good underwear with them.

  18. I actually wore XXL shirts instead of maternity with the twins. It worked fine. I had the idea of wearing them again later, since after the twins I stayed XXL for quite a while, it seemed. But I was so sick of them I never wanted to see them again. Even now, 10 years later, I feel no nostalgia.
    I never dared wear maternity as a non-pg woman, for fear of the dreaded question: When are you due?

  19. Oh… too funny! The quilt thing would be cool. I would fear being asked if I was pregnant so I couldn’t wear them, but hey… I adopted my daughter… so what do I know!! LOL

  20. I too had just one pregnancy and I wish I could say I enjoyed it. But it was a long 9 months and I was in bed the last 4 months. So most of my maternity clothes were pajamas. I chucked them as soon as I could. But that’s just me. If they hold a sentimental value I say keep them.

  21. Way too funny! Who’s mother hasn’t made the underwear comment? I actually have a really cute Motherhood dress with those ties that I still wear (gasp!) because it’s so dang comfy! On second thought, maybe I should go cut out the tag.

  22. Hey, I have a few of those types of things that I have had trouble parting with, and besides, I spent darn good money on them to only wear them a little. Some of the tops you can tuck in and they look fine or lay them inside out and stitch up the side seams a little so they are more fitted. Rip out the tag to avoid complex. Have you seen the new maternity tops? They are so form fitting they don’t look maternity. I bought a couple because they are long enough to stay tucked in to my jeans.

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