Mildly Amusing, Parenting Gone Awry, Use Your Words

Antique Carnivore

Sean has never been much of an eater, but when he was around 18-months old eating stopped almost entirely.  Somedays we are lucky to get five calories in him.  We try not to worry about it because watching us nervously wring our hands at the dinner table has not increased his appetite.  Wise people say when he’s hungry he will eat.  Wise people are wrong.

In an effort to encourage eating, we tell Sean that if he hopes to grow up to be big, he’s going to need to eat something — specifically something not made of orange dust or coco/fruity/frosty/gummy/happy stuff – something with protein to build bones and muscle, something like meat.  

Apparently he has been giving this concept some consideration because the other day we had this conversation:

 “Mommy, I’m going to start eating MEAT like you so I can be big –  like you!” 

“You eat MEAT all the time and you are willy willy big (holding hands out in front of him in a big circle.” 

That’s fabul  ….. hey, I’m not that big.” 

“You eat sooooo much MEAT!  You eat hamboogas and pork chops and ham and wunch meat and woast beefs and chicken and hamboogas and…. (pauses to think up other varieties of meat) you are big Big BIG!” 

“Look dude, I’m not that big.  Okay?  According to the insurance charts, I’m average.” 

“Oh no mommy – you are SO big (again with the hands in the big circle) because you just eat meatmeatmeat all the time.” 

“You are big MEAT-eating BIG!” (making a circle from front to back like a hula hoop).

“Go away before I eat you.”

33 thoughts on “Antique Carnivore

  1. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA He cracks me up!! Just like his big mama lol You are both precious. I love this place. I have learned to stop drinking while reading you!!

  2. Laylee frequently talks about how she wants to be BIG like a mommy. Mommies are SOOOO big. It’s always very flattering to my giant ego.

  3. The whole world seems weely big to kids….but seeing what a cutie he is, I am sure he would be just scrumptious!

    Thanks for your comment on my new look! Just love yours!

  4. Beck, my daughter loves my squishy, soft tummy too. I better enjoy it before she figures out I’m actually fat!

  5. LOL!!! He is so adorable! But don’t worry I have a friend when her son was your son’s age and he didn’t eat much either (she actually let him drink his formula for a long time…do not remember when he stopped). Now he is 17 years old and he is slim and healthy and “strong like bull”.

  6. Just remember that his size relative to yours does make you seem “big big big” to him. And even if your child were born when you were 15, he would still perceive you as old 😉

  7. Well, even those charts are wrong because you are not BIG by any stretch of the imagination… unless the imagination is in the mind of a 3 year old, and then you’re big Big BIG.

    But consider the source, you lithe thing, you. And let him think you BIG if it will get him to do what you want him to do in the first place.

  8. A friend told me that one day her kid said, “Hey Daddy, you know how I can tell you from Mommy when I’m behind you? Because her bottom is WAAAYY bigger than yours”.

    Aren’t children helpful?

  9. Hehe. That is so funny. Evan has started getting to me on “old”.

    “Mommy, you are a good old mommy.”
    “Hey! I’m not that old!”
    “Yes you are!”

    Keep on like that and you’re not getting any older, buster!

  10. From the pictures I’ve seen, you are anything but big.
    Conversations like this make me shake my head and walk away. He obviously put a lot of thought into it, which just makes it more and more circular.

  11. LOL I love those days!
    Yesterday my 16yo dd wanted a ride to a car wash instead of walking 12 blocks in the 98 degree 200% humidity. She says to me “Mom, can you drive me? You look really skinny today. Mom, can you drive me?”
    And she swears it was just because she looked at me and noticed I look thinner, not because she wanted a ride. Uh huh, I’m not sure about that, but I think I’ll take it!

  12. Kids always say whatever they are thinking, and give no thought to how we might interpret it. Gotta love them anyway!!

  13. i heard my 3 y/o tell a friend visiting (a 12 y/o) that he was really really old….age is completely out of their understanding. he also called the 8 y/o that “BIG yellow kid” LOL they call em as they see em and we are all huge in thier lil world.

  14. I’ll top you – I was in bed half asleep laying on my side when my youngest came in and stopped in his tracks and starting singing ‘I like big butts’. Oh yeah, I’m feeling the love.

  15. HA! Kids. My son told me just tonight that he wanted to kiss my “big belly.” Before I smacked his little hands away from my shirt (which he was trying to lift), I reminded myself that it is all relative. Compared to his tiny belly, mine must seem pretty big. The little stinker.

    It’s a good thing they’re cute and we love ’em!

  16. Check out that link to see my “Aunt Cleo”.
    My nephew says that moms and grandmoms are supposed to be “fluffy”.
    Good luck with the eating.

  17. Oh he is just to cute, and the kind of big you are to him is the good kind of big! We use a similar tactic on our two youngest who are not such big eaters. My littlest is always saying “When I get big like a mama” or “Mama, when I get big like you” or “I’m gonna get big and strong like my mama” To me the funny thing is I am 5ft 2in(on a tall day) and usually weigh in at about a buck oh five on a “big” day. I kind of relish in my baby calling me big, it’s about the only time in my life I’ve been described that way. It’s usually so tiny, or very petite, or “such small bones” like I am some sort of medical oddity. Skinny and weak is how I feel I am usually physically perceived, so big and strong is good with me.

    Always love to come visit you.

  18. Oh my. That is funny. I’ve been considering giving up red meat, and this might do it for me. My butt (it was said, though not at Christmas) could use a reduction in big meat.

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