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  • Emily Post Never Wrote About This

    July 24, 2007

    As we were standing in line waiting for the train at the zoo this morning, I looked down to see Sean poking his index finger deeply into the fluffy behind of the grandmotherly lady who was standing in front of us, which was unfortunately, at his eye level and apparently just too much to resist.

    My eyes grew as big as saucers.

    Just then, she turned to see what was going on. Caught red handed, Sean immediately put his hands behind his back and put on his practiced expression of remorse.

    “Sean!” I admonished. “That is not nice. Keep your hands to yourself!”

    I was mortified. “I’m so sorry,” I apologized and then I pressed Sean to offer his own apology.

    “Sorry,” he said hanging his head. “It just wooked so squishy.”

    “You’re just too irresistible!” I teased her hoping to diffuse the situation with humor. Luckily she took it well and laughed.

    Then she bent over and cupped Sean’s face in her hands and said, “You my friend, are irresistible.”

    You know, I go to considerable effort to teach Sean good manners. He is quick to say please and thank you. But it never once occurred to me that I would have to TELL HIM not to poke little old ladies in the butt.


    1. Rhen says:

      LOL I have had my Ms. Banana and Ms. Independent do that recently. I know they have heard me tell the older ones not to do that yet they just cannot resist!

      July 24th, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    2. Snapshot says:


      Had a friend who had her child in Wal-Mart. A really big woman was in front of them in line. Her cell phone started beaping and he said OUT LOUD “Watch it Momma she’s backing up!”

      Sadly, the lady didn’t take it as well as your “squishy butt” lady. She blurted out that he was rude.

      July 24th, 2007 at 5:58 pm

    3. LeeAnn says:

      I’m still waiting for someone to write the book “What you don’t know to teach your kids NOT to do”.

      It never fails- you think you’ve got all your bases covered and they just add a brand new base!

      July 24th, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    4. Blog Antagonist says:

      LOL! I’m so glad you’re writing all these things down so you can remember them. That’s the kind of stuff you want to hold on to, but forget.

      He’s a character that one. Thank goodness she had a sense of humor, huh?

      July 24th, 2007 at 6:05 pm

    5. Ellen says:

      I remember when my son was small enough to ride in the shopping cart – at Christmas time. A little old lady was not quick enough for him and he stood up and yelled “BEEP BEEP!”

      July 24th, 2007 at 6:12 pm

    6. Megan says:

      I admire your ability to handle the delicate situation so adroitly! I probably would’ve pulled the ol’, “Oh my, little one, where did YOU come from? We’d better go see if we can find your mother right away!” act and beaten a hasty retreat. Tee hee.

      July 24th, 2007 at 6:21 pm

    7. Jen says:


      You get my nomination for president of Club Mortified for this week!

      July 24th, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    8. Leah says:

      Oh, that is just too funny! Of course, it wasn’t at the time, but I know you’ll look back on this and laugh for hours :).

      July 24th, 2007 at 7:12 pm

    9. Jenny says:

      Oh, that is too funny! They sure know how to keep us humble, don’t they? I’m glad that she was a sweet lady (albeit squishy)! 😀

      July 24th, 2007 at 7:37 pm

    10. Ellen says:

      I have a t-shirt “who are these children and why are they calling me mom?”

      July 24th, 2007 at 7:42 pm

    11. Marie says:


      They do have an “interesting” view of the world, no doubt!

      July 24th, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    12. Rocks In My Dryer says:

      Good for her for having a good sense of humor!

      July 24th, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    13. Ortizzle says:

      Maybe you could sign him up for Charmin toilet paper commercials, LOL.

      July 24th, 2007 at 10:41 pm

    14. Cindy says:

      I have a squishy behind as well. I hope I could be as gracious as your new best friend. I’m afraid this week I’d burst into tears and say to my husband, “See?! I told you I was fat!!”

      July 24th, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    15. Kat says:

      Very cute!


      July 25th, 2007 at 12:41 am

    16. Tara says:


      July 25th, 2007 at 2:32 am

    17. Beck says:

      Ah, Sean. I have to REPEATEDLY tell my kids not to lift up the hem of my skirt in public.
      So it’s not just him!

      July 25th, 2007 at 4:07 am

    18. Cherry Menlove says:

      Oh what a wonderful story. I used to lift my mums skirt too! Hee hee!!!!

      Cherry Menlove

      July 25th, 2007 at 6:10 am

    19. Twisted Cinderella says:

      Too funny! I have been endeavoring to teach Princess that her panties are not for public display!

      July 25th, 2007 at 8:31 am

    20. marian says:

      Even though Emily Post never wrote about it, I’d say all parties did a fine job of navigating the uncharted water. What a gracious woman to not only overlook it, but comment as she did.

      July 25th, 2007 at 8:35 am

    21. Sophie says:

      The things we parents have to teach our kids! The knot in my stomach went away when she cupped his face in her hands; shew!

      July 25th, 2007 at 8:56 am

    22. Antique Mommy says:

      He has that effect on older women, turns them into wiggly bowls of mush who will overlook nearly any offense. As an older woman who has on more than one occassion fallen under his spell, I can vouch for it.

      July 25th, 2007 at 8:59 am

    23. Tracy says:

      I’m having trouble leaving a comment….I’m laughing so hard!!! Fortunately for me, I have yet to experience being totally mortified. Although with twins, I’m sure my day is coming! “Out of the mouth of babes.” And I’m still laughing!!!

      July 25th, 2007 at 9:29 am

    24. GardenPinkie says:

      My little red head slapped an old lady on the backside at WalMart once and called her “Cookie.” Yep, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life! I feel your pain on this one!

      July 25th, 2007 at 9:49 am

    25. Steff says:

      yay, a local blogger! just found you via half the sky.

      i have a puffy behind and my 4 yr old son likes to play the drums when I bend over to pick something up. So glad I can entertain him.

      July 25th, 2007 at 10:29 am

    26. BooMom says:


      Oh, Lord….can’t stop laughing !!

      July 25th, 2007 at 10:33 am

    27. Momish says:

      LOL! They will always find some way to embarrass us! Manners fly out the window in highly tempting situations like that!

      July 25th, 2007 at 10:59 am

    28. bee says:

      When is wooks so squishy, sometimes you just gotta poke at it!

      July 25th, 2007 at 11:10 am

    29. Mama Pajama says:

      I’ve been told, that when I was four years old, I told my aunt, “I love sitting on your lap so much b/c you are sooooo much softer than my mommy. You don’t have all those poky bones.” I meant it as a compliment, she knew it, and she still loves me today…

      July 25th, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    30. Jessika says:

      I think my four yr old boy and Sean would be big trouble should they ever meet up. I read AM every day to remind me that others are experiencing these same things.

      July 25th, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    31. staci at laughing mommy says:

      Thank you for sharing this story.

      At church last weekend a lady with a very pretty lavender skirt on was sitting in front of us. Her bottom was visible between the seat and top of the chair and my little 20 month old daughter decided to give that lavender bottom quiet a bit of patting before I caught her. MORTIFIED!

      July 25th, 2007 at 1:07 pm

    32. Suzanne says:

      I can so feel your embarrassment. My most embarrassing moment with my daughter EVER was when she was a little younger than Sean, just old enough to sit in a high chair in a restaurant and eat finger foods. My mom, my sister, my niece and my daughter and I were eating out at Pizza Hut. My daughter was happily eating spaghetti while we visited. When a good looking young waiter stopped to help the table next to us and stood with his back to us, my daughter reached out and grabbed his behind then calmly went back to eating her spaghetti. He jumped, wheeled around and glared at me like I’d just pinched him on the rear end. My face turned bright red and my mom and sister laughed hysterically. I said “I didn’t do it! She did!” and I pointed to my daughter who sat there looking innocent with spaghetti sauce all over her face. I’m pretty sure he was thinking “Yeah, right. Blame it on the little kid.”

      July 25th, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    33. Amy says:

      What a great story – I think you and Squishy Butt Woman both handled that fantasticly! 🙂

      July 25th, 2007 at 1:33 pm

    34. wordgirl says:

      Hooray for the lady with a sense of humor!!! I had no idea you guys were in town. I live just up the hill from the zoo…a mere five minutes away. Next time you go, let me know. We have a family membership and can go anytime.

      July 25th, 2007 at 1:46 pm

    35. Kris says:

      HILARIOUS! I will be laughing all day about this one!

      July 25th, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    36. Misslionheart says:

      How sweet! I would have loved to have seen that…

      July 25th, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    37. Mary says:

      Have you ever thought of putting all yoru psots into a book fo the same title as your blog?
      I would buy it, and some copies for friends!

      July 25th, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    38. mcewen says:

      I dare you here in public! [but I’ll give you a few days to brew it up] Can you think of a time when you were little and were told off for doing something but had no idea why it was wrong?
      Just a thought! No Pressure.

      July 25th, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    39. TheG-Ma says:

      Reply to mcewen: Second grade, group piano class, six kids, referreed by Sr. Mary Josephine. Each kid plays the week’s selected piece and then we vote on whose was best. I win with two votes. Sister sez, “Did you vote for yourself?” I say, “Yes, Sister.” She sez, “You CANNOT vote for yourself.” Who knew!

      I still got the holy card prize, but by what Sister thought was clever deception. My finest moment.

      July 25th, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    40. Antique Mommy says:

      Oooh! I loves me a good Catholic grade school story. Doesn’t every child long for a holy card as opposed to say… candy??

      July 25th, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    41. Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry says:

      That is great. Now you need to be thinking how you can use that story to embarass him on his way to the Homecoming Dance.

      July 25th, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    42. Erika says:

      Ok, I just found your site and I have to say, you are hands down the funniest person I have ever read! I will be back! :o)

      July 25th, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    43. purebillow says:

      Too funny! I have to wonder what Sean learned from this experience. The kiddo pokes someone in the booty and in return is told he’s irresistible. Sounds like you’re gonna have more work to do than teaching “please” and “thank you”!

      July 25th, 2007 at 11:07 pm

    44. bonniebeth says:

      You DO bring back so many memories and I thank you for that!
      Once many years ago my dad was a guest preacher at a revival for a small church with no AC on a hot summer night. As we stood up for a song, a very large lady with a very small son stood up. Her dress was stuck in her crack – a very nice crease indeed. Her son pulled the creased dress out of her crack as she stood there singing (and I haven’t got to the funny part yet!) After the song as the song leader said “please be seated” the little boy quickly creased the dress back into the crack before the mother sat down!
      So, AM, you better watch your backside with Sean!

      July 25th, 2007 at 11:48 pm

    45. gwen says:

      my husband is a coach and you know how players always hit each others bottoms … well my oldest son when he was little thought that is how you greeted everyone … we would be walking at the mall and he would tap all the bottoms we passed as I grinned and apologized …

      July 26th, 2007 at 1:06 am

    46. Steffj89 says:

      girls i have ya all beat in the embarrassing words from kids mouths vein….
      after C had been home one week and goofing off w/ the boys, wrestling with them, and of course being the redneck boys that they are discussing their anatomy….

      somehow or another the boys were fascinated that daddy had a “goober” just like them but his was bigger…

      my oldest went to church and during a discussion of what they were proud of their dads for announced…my daddy has a biiiiigggg goober….
      yes girls that is total mortification….could have shot me right there and i would have said thank you

      July 26th, 2007 at 1:38 am

    47. Sarah Joy says:

      You know that feeling of doom when you see the light of a question in a child’s eye, and you can’t figure out how to stop it short of sticking your sock in her mouth? I had several shopping trips like that in a row while pregnant with my last blessing. My daughters would see a lady (or in one case, a man) with a similier looking bulge in their centers, and I knew what was coming.

      (Loudly, of course.) “DOES SHE/HE HAVE A BABY IN HER/HIS TUMMY TOO??”

      It’s always refreshing when you get someone who has a sense of humor and a heart.

      July 26th, 2007 at 2:20 am

    48. Brigitte says:

      Agh, my 2-year-old has been asking me if I have a baby in my bowl-full-of-jelly-belly, she’ll start asking other people any second now!

      July 26th, 2007 at 5:48 am

    49. Christyne says:

      Oh my! That is just beyond WAY too funny! Thanks for the morning chuckle.

      July 26th, 2007 at 9:11 am

    50. Elaine says:

      It does boggle the mind…the things they do not know. I will add that to my list, right after “we do not lie in the street” and “we do not leave food for the birdies on the kitchen floor.”

      July 30th, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    51. Mycrazylife says:

      Thanks for the laugh! My entire household got quite a tickle out of reading your post. I’ll be stopping by again with hopes of more humorous stories.


      August 2nd, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    52. Lisa says:

      You have once again made me laugh out loud. I tried to play catch-up with some of your posts, and I’m looking forward to the next installment of the “Box” series!

      And BTW, even though we’ve never met or have even had a conversation, I actually thought of you last week while I was in WalMart. It was during a big thunderstorm, and just as we were headed toward the checkouts, the electricity went out, and the entire store went black for a few seconds before the generators kicked in. I just thought that you have seen so much of WalMart, but I don’t think you’ve ever had the opportunity to see it in complete darkness. It’s pretty darn scary. 😉

      August 5th, 2007 at 11:40 am

    53. edj says:

      Silly you! You should have thought to tell him that!
      When E was that age, he went through the “inappropriate compliment” stage, and used to compliment women on their legs and bottoms. Sigh.

      August 10th, 2007 at 7:49 pm

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