Antique Crazy

Cheap Sunglasses, Oh Yeah

Ever since “the incident” with the sunglasses, I have not felt the same about them.  Since that day in infamy, any time I have put them on, I involuntarily shudder, unable to forget their dark and soggy sordid history.   I lost that loving feeling towards them and decided that I should probably go ahead and splurge on another pair of cheap sunglasses.

So today, I found myself at RossDressForLess (you have to say it like that) and as luck would have it, I found a gen-u-wine pair of Ralph Lo-wren sunglasses for only $7.99!  And I even looked half way decent in them.  There are some people who look good in glasses and hats and other things on their head, Jennifer Lopez for example, but I am not one of those people. I could don a ball cap, a hair bow or an otter and look equally ridiculous.  Yes, the best I can hope for in the way of head gear is half way decent, not that bad — not terribly hideous is my fashion goal. So I excitedly headed out of the store with my new designer sunglasses anxious to remove the tags and be all uptown girl or as uptown as one can be when cruising the suburbs in a mom-mobile. 

As I left the store, I ripped the old pair of sunglasses off my head and slam dunked them into the trash can with the kind of flourish that made Michael Jordan famous.  Good riddance, so long and adios ya big losers, it’s me and Ralph now! I pulled out my cute little Swiss army knife that I keep in my car especially for tag cutting emergencies and just as I went to snip the tag, the itty bitty sissors slipped and gashed the lens right down the center, deep and long.  And I was filled with the joy of the Lord, all mirth and glee and delight as you might imagine.

So then.  After I cursed the Swiss army and Ralph Lauren, I stomped walked back into the store to buy yet another pair of sunglasses.  I paused at the garbage can where the $5 Wal-Mart flush-me-nots rested in crumpled peace and I gave a moment of consideration to pulling them out of the trash can and stomping on them with both feet for good measure but decided against digging through the garbage, because you know, I have my standards.

As I went through the checkout line for the second time in less than twenty minutes with a second pair of sunglasses, the check out girl gave me a puzzled look.  “Didn’t you just buy a pair of sunglasses?” she asked.  “Yup,” I said.  And then I put on my new not-terribly-hideous sunglasses and I wore them out of the store, tags and all because at my level of cool, price tags don’t make much difference. 

photo temporarily removed

When you wake up in the morning and the light is hurt your head
The first thing you do when you get up out of bed
Is hit that streets a-runnin’ and try to beat the masses
And go to Ross and get yourself some cheap sunglasses
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah




34 thoughts on “Cheap Sunglasses, Oh Yeah

  1. I think you should buy a few pair. They are so easy to lose or scratch. You can keep a pair in the glove box, handbag, house, etc.

    I’m just saying…

    Still missing my Kate Spade Jackie O sunglasses that I paid way too much for, lost summer of 2004. I hope they are happy, wherever they are. I replaced them with a similar KS pair, but they’re not as perfect.

    And I, too, strive for “not terrible” when it comes to sunglasses. I must have a big face, with big mannish features or something, because only the very oversized glasses look halfway decent on me. In everything else I look like one of the three blind mice.

    Yours are verrrrry cute and stylish and I also like you haircut. I have cowlicks, and thus cannot have cute bangs.

    Congrats on your bargain find!

  2. Ecch, no, the ZZtop one is the one I always think of too. I sooo miss the days I’d have 5-10 pairs of cheapo sunglasses lying around (different styles to suit my moods).

    Now I have a prescription and can’t wear contacts, so it’s one pair. Weh.

  3. I get into a hurry (just like you) and ruin whatever it is I’ve just bought. Usually it’s a blouse I want to wear and I’m hurrying to cut the tag out of the neck because they itch. And then…I accidentally cut a hole in the neck. Because I’m so good with scissors.

  4. I think we should be the judge of whether or not you look equally ridiculous in an ball cap, a hair bow or an otter.

    Most days, I strive for “won’t get arrested or scare coworkers or little children” when I get dressed.

  5. I was expecting, “My future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.” I think it’s time to retire the itty bitty swiss army knife. I’m just saying.

  6. Wish I’d kept the tags on the second pair because I would return them. After I’ve had them on for a while I realize they cutting into my temple and giving me a headache. Maybe I’ll just forget about sunglasses and start going out only after dark.

  7. “not terribly hideous is my fashion goal.” This statement is exactly why I’m proud that you’re my adopted big sister. Those are goals I think I, too, can achieve.

    (I want to see the picture of you with an otter on your head, just for grins and giggles.)

  8. I found Ralph Lo wren sunglasses at TJMaxx’s as well, and let me just say, it made me happier than it really should have. I felt as if I won a prize..

  9. I’m sorry about the sunglasses and all, but they sure made for a funny story. So I guess I’m not too sorry after all. Much funnier than me cutting a hole in a new blouse yesterday.

  10. Do y’all ever do this – you get a new blouse and insteade of walking ten steps to get the sissors and cut off the tags, you do the quick pull move(or worse use your teeth) and end up ripping a hole in your brand new blouse? You’d think by the time you get to be 47, you would accumulate some sense. Still waiting.

  11. My husband is so anal about using the “proper” devices such as scissors,knives, box cutters to open things or remove tags. He cringes when I use my teeth, fingernails, paperclip, keys or just tug hard enough to do the job. He’ll even offer to run and fetch a knife or something and I’ll refuse. I get just a little to much freakish enjoyment out of seeing him squirm as I live life on the edge – possibly ruining the new socks by simply pulling on the plastic thingy that holds them together. What risk takers we are!


  12. I had a friend use her front teeth to pull off a tag and it ended up pulling a big chip out her front tooth!! KLASSY. May I recommend scissors instead of teeth for this job?

  13. Very tidy finish there with the ZZ Top reference and all. So glad you finally got some shades worthy of you. And be glad you don’t drop expensive items like iPods into the public toilet.

  14. I’ve been reading your blog since I followed a link to your Box story, but don’t think I’ve commented before..You are too funny and make me proud to stand in the ranks with those who wear cheap sunglasses. You have inspired me…where can I get an otter? (And sunglasses to fit him?)

  15. I was figuring that when you went back into RDFLess you’d find out that the first pair you bought was the only pair in existence. You were lucky to find two of the same thing at Ross!

  16. I was so happy to hear that you had new glasses since I too had involuntary shudders just thinking of your flushed shades. But then I was sad to read your comment that they are squishing your head. I feel your pain and frustration. I recently spent 30 minutes at TJMaxx trying to find the perfect pair and was thrilled with my purchase until the first time when I had them on my head, bent slightly, and they went flying.

  17. I so love a bargain!! sadly, most sunglasses make me look like a bug-eyed freak. It is worse for The Man. His (expensive, prescription) sunnies make him look like a Secret Service Guy (when shaved) or a terrorist (unshaven). This is not good. I travel separately.

  18. Yes, I am like you. Unless it is my wedding band or ring that is drop in the toilet bowl. I will not think twice about trashing it away. But the way you describe your sunglass buying adventure is so funny. I enjoy very much to read your blog and look forward to reading it too. Pamela.

  19. That happened to me a few weeks ago. i bough a decent pair of cheap ones and got home only to have the lenses fall out and my two year old bend them in half within five minutes. GRRRR

  20. I bought an $80 pair of sunglasses once..when I was young and single…and had disposable income.(or so I thought) They disappeared two days later never to be seen again. I vowed never to buy good ones again. I have pairs from the dollar tree that have been around for years. Go figure!

  21. Is that Anna Wintour? Or you? Can’t tell the difference.

    I’m a cheap sunglasses girl, too. I’m famous for sitting on them, and plastic is no match for what I have to offer.

  22. You did NOT! (Cut your new sunglasses.) I’d have been STEAMED. That’s hilarious. You sure can spin a story. And the new ones are very cute. 🙂

  23. Oh my, just let me stop giggling! Try putting the sunglasses on something big for a while, like a big ball, to stretch them out a bit. I have a big head, so I always have to “break in” sunglasses when they are new. Just bend them out a bit. Hey, they’re cheap, go ahead!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *