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  • My Spiff Has Gone Missing

    December 20, 2007

    Antique Daddy and I were invited to a Christmas party this past weekend.

    I’ll be honest with you. We don’t get out much. Our party circuit is not even one lap these days.

    So we got spiffed up for the party. We seem to be running low on spiff around here. Truthfully, our spiffwear no longer fits, so actually we were not all that spiffed up, mainly just cleaned up. I wore the exact same thing I wore to this party two years ago. No one noticed.

    After the babysitter arrived, off we went to mix and a’mingle and do the jingle bell rock in a house full of people roughly as tall as we are. I would say here that it was an opportunity to enjoy grown-up conversation, but hanging out with Sean all day, I get enough of that already. The food was fabulous and spirits of all variety were served. Probably even Bacardi. But I don’t know; Bacardi is not my thing.

    Later that week, I began to rethink my stance on Bacardi.

    Antique Daddy and I were lying in bed watching a little late night TV when a Bacardi commercial comes on. The scene shows great looking people, wearing beautiful well-fitting fashionable clothes at a fabulously fun party where everyone is cool. No one has food on them or spinach in their teeth. Everyone at the party can hear over the music because they are laughing and exchanging witty repartee and smoldering glances and not thinking about if their kid will like the pirate boat they just bought for Christmas. Everyone is spiffy and cool.

    “You know,” I tell AD, “If we drink Bacardi, then we would get invited to cool parties, we would automatically become great looking, wear fabulous clothes, partake in witty repartee and glance smolderingly.”

    Like Cinderella, I paused here to review our situation – we are lying in bed at 9:30pm amongst matchbox cars and stuffed animals, we are wearing flannel jammie bottoms, sweatshirts and mismatched athletic socks.

    “I guess we’d have to drink a lot of it,” I concede.

    “Yup. So would everyone at the party,” he adds.

    My spiff has gone missing and not even Bacardi can bring it back.

    38 Comments »

    1. Diane J. says:

      My pirate boat could be awash in a veritable ocean of Bacardi and I still couldn’t muster up nary a spiff myself. Move over and pass the stuffed giraffe. I’m wearing thermal jammies right now.

      And NO, that was NOT a smoldering glance. It was just a teary memory of a long gone spiff.

      December 20th, 2007 at 9:52 am

    2. Tina says:

      Too funny. Sounds like a happy marriage. 🙂

      December 20th, 2007 at 9:52 am

    3. Heather says:

      Oh, I can so relate to this. I have to choose my shirts carefully due to an over-abundance of milk, and they have to be easy access for a hungry 6 month old. And of course, nothing white because then my nursing bra would show thru! So my spiff has gone into early retirement!

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:03 am

    4. Julie says:

      Yeah, but do you really miss that spiff? I’m not sure I ever really had it, but I know I don’t miss it. Spiff is something those people who don’t have happy lives create to make those of us who do feel like we are missing out on something.

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:13 am

    5. Antique Mommy says:

      I miss the spiff a little bit. My too-small spiff clothes that hang in my closet taunt me.

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:25 am

    6. Howdy says:

      What you got – matchbook cars and all – couldn’t be traded for all the Barcardi in the world. Commercials are designed to make us think we want something we don’t have… but it’s just more stuff – they don’t sell happiness in the stores.

      Thanks so much for the laugh today…

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:30 am

    7. Quirky says:

      I think the spiff is entirely overrated. And usually requires wearing uncomfortable shoes. All those Bacardi people are laughing and smoldering on the outside, but on the inside they’re counting down the minutes before they can go home, change into their flannel pants and sweatshirts, and watch late night tv in bed. It’s one of those “grass is greener” things, I think.

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:30 am

    8. Elaine says:

      Oh, Diane! That was hilarious. AM, you do inspire.

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:32 am

    9. Missy says:

      Bacardi gave me a portable dvd player. I am all in favour of Bacardi.

      Hope you had a great time at the party.

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:32 am

    10. Beck says:

      I think that it is probably a good thing to be unspiffy, once one has little ones… we’re invited to two parties over the Christmas season. Both are on the same day. Oh, great.

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:41 am

    11. Elizabeth says:

      Spiff, like Smolder,
      is in the eye of the beholder.
      Thanks for the laugh!

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:43 am

    12. CircusKelli says:

      Methinks your spiff is just on an extended leave. It’ll come back. I promise. 🙂

      December 20th, 2007 at 10:47 am

    13. Kvetch says:

      Oh A.M., you are one of the spiffiest gals I know!

      December 20th, 2007 at 11:03 am

    14. Mrs. Who says:

      I had a hard time finding my spiff last night for a party as well. Some was too spiffy (from an office party at a fancy shmancy hotel), some was not spiffy enough, and some had inexplicably SHRUNK. I ended up with black pants (I just realized I have four pairs) and a red Xmas sweater. You can never go wrong with black pants and a red Xmas sweater. And then we came home and put on our pajamas and watched “Journeyman” on DVD. Aaaaaahhhhh. So much better than the spiff.

      December 20th, 2007 at 11:35 am

    15. Jeana says:

      Maybe you broke it, along with Baby Jesus.

      I love the comment about adult conversation with Sean. So true!

      December 20th, 2007 at 11:38 am

    16. ~*~ Jennifer ~*~ says:

      Did you put spiffy things on your Christmas List? 😉

      ME?? Oh I put canner on my list. Not spiffy… I don’t think I lost my spiff… I don’t think I ever had any.

      December 20th, 2007 at 11:45 am

    17. Shalee says:

      “…we would automatically become great looking…”

      Well from the picture on your blog from a couple of days ago, I’d say you have the good looking thing down already. And I said that with nary a drop of Bacardi!

      Spiff is overrated. I settle for normal and call it good.

      December 20th, 2007 at 11:54 am

    18. zoom says:

      I have not thought about Bacardi in years. Best I remember, most Bacardi drinks are made in a blender.

      A big batch of Pina Coladas and strawberry daiquiris sounds pretty good. Drinking them while wearing elastic waste pants sounds even better.

      December 20th, 2007 at 11:58 am

    19. Veronica Mitchell says:

      I think for spiff, you have to wear properly supportive undergarments. I’d rather take a nap.

      December 20th, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    20. Rennagayle says:

      I thank God for my recent discovery of your blog. The bible says laughter does good like a medicine, and your blog dispenses big doses. I literally LOL at your post today. I’m STILL laughing! ;-Þ

      I can so relate to the subject, too. My dh and I were watching a Glade candle commercial a couple of nights ago. The woman lighting the candles was dancing through scene after scene, twirling around with what appeared to be a drug induced smile on her face.

      I turned to my dh and said, “honey, if we buy some of those candles, maybe I’ll have that kind of energy. Of course I’d have to buy a twirly skirt like hers, but hey, I’d sacrifice and wear that hideous thing if it made me move like that!”.

      Yep, tv makes everyone look GOOD. 😉

      December 20th, 2007 at 12:56 pm

    21. shelley says:

      Spiff and all that goes with it is highly overrated. Give me flannel pj’s, hot cocoa and my favorite tv shows any night!

      December 20th, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    22. AB says:

      I, too, am “spiff-less”. Some days it makes me very sad and other days I’m okay with it. Christms is especially hard since there are so many parties and the decorations are so shiny and sparkly that one easily feels almost…um…Amish in comparison.

      December 20th, 2007 at 1:16 pm

    23. Blog Antagonist says:

      Spiffing requires the donning of pantyhose, which are a tool of the devil. We did some spiffing last Friday, and it was fun…for about an hour. Then I was ready to rip everything off.

      December 20th, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    24. mama speak says:

      Ahh! but I bet you have pix of your spif days, do you not? Spif is hard (a pain) to maintain; regular trips to the hairdresser, use of the curling/straitening iron, uncomfortable shoes and the like. But let us think what is the spif for? Finding another person to get un-spiffy with, right? You’ve just moved on from the Spif, as have I.

      I was always more of a Captain Morgan’s girl myself…

      December 20th, 2007 at 1:46 pm

    25. Antique Mommy says:

      BA, The post-spiff ripping off of clothes. Antique Daddy lives for that part of the spiffing…. 😉

      December 20th, 2007 at 2:59 pm

    26. Brigitte says:

      Sadly, back when I had spiff, I naively had no clue that I had it, and did not use it to full advantage. Now the spiff is long, LONG gone, never to return.

      December 20th, 2007 at 4:37 pm

    27. Leigh says:

      That’s okay. I never had any spiff to begin with.

      December 20th, 2007 at 4:41 pm

    28. CarmelMomSue says:

      I think my spiff went away a few years ago.

      We tried the office Christmas party spiffing a few weeks ago. I had to wear the same spiffy outfit I did last year, and hope no one noticed. I took me ten minutes when I went to the restroom to try and remove the control top gut sucker/control top pantyhose apparatus without breaking a nail.

      Then we arrive home to hysterical children because some hooligans chose the one night we left the house to play “ding dong ditchem” and leave a large, plaster goose with Mardi Gras necklaces on our front porch.

      I had not had enough to drink, nor room in my pants to accomodate the drinks, to make me feel remotely spiffed.

      R.I.P. my underappreciated former spiff.

      December 20th, 2007 at 5:31 pm

    29. jayedee says:

      oh girl! cocktails and fashionable finery is pretty much passe at the zoo or park. your spiff is still there! it’s just changed up a bit into something a bit more useable. we’ve worked hard for mommy status…..and i for one intend to glory in it!

      December 20th, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    30. Nicki says:

      I’m working hard to get it back. It’s not easy after having three kids in four years – the old bod is complaining. But I’ve found that even if the bod isn’t spiffy, clothes and hair can make a big difference. Unfortunately I have braces right now which just makes me look like Ugly Betty. I’m-a comin’ spiff, I’m-a comin’!

      December 20th, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    31. Jim says:

      We went to a spiffy party,
      and all the spiffs were there.
      Baileys, Jose’ Cuerro, Jack Daniels,
      Bacardi, and even more.
      After a drink or two with each,
      and a dance or two on the floor.
      I looked at my wife, and we agreed,
      this spiffy party was such a bore.
      So we leave for our car, and left in a roar!
      We pick up our Grandson, with the age of five,
      and can hardly wait to reach our front door.
      He tells us he loves us, and so glad we came by.
      This all made for a very long day;
      but when we get home; he just wants to play.
      Now this is the making,
      of a very fine day!
      (Who needs spiff?)

      December 20th, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    32. Heidi says:

      I was looking at some spiff today in the mall. I bought spiff in the form of an expensive purse VERY marked-down. Oh, wait. The spiff isn’t sparkly or flashy or…spiffy. It’s just olive green leather. Sigh…in my late 20s, have only had my baby girl for 4 mos. and the spiff I once had doesn’t fit anymore. And I hate Bicardi. And I’ve worn man pajamas since I was 20. What does this mean for me?

      December 21st, 2007 at 2:12 am

    33. Sue says:

      Yeah, I’m not so much on the formal and semi-formal wear these days. It’s pretty rare that I get a chance to shop – why would I want to waste time purchasing something that I’ll wear once a year? But it is so nice to feel really pretty once in a while. A good feeling.

      December 21st, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    34. Mommy Cracked says:

      Oh honey…the Bacardi is not what it is cracked up to be…trust me. I had a most unfortunate incident with it in my younger years. I can’t even look at a bottle of the stuff without wanting toss my cookies. Which is exactly what was involved in the Bacardi incident. And trust me, cookie tossing isn’t spiffy! 😛

      December 22nd, 2007 at 5:50 pm

    35. Pat Kirk says:

      LOL “No one has food on them or spinach in their teeth”. Well, I would be intimidated.

      December 22nd, 2007 at 7:11 pm

    36. Pat Kirk says:

      You people are all funny:-)

      December 22nd, 2007 at 7:21 pm

    37. Michelle says:

      Funny – my “fancy clothes” for Christmas day is a denim skirt and a red t-shirt. And boots. My “sitting” boots. Cuz, if I have to do any walking in them, my spiff is mad and have to get ladyboy to help take them off.

      Plus, spiffy is what spiffy does. Too much maintenance for me.

      December 22nd, 2007 at 9:24 pm

    38. Janean says:

      Ahhhh! ROFL! I loved the pirate boat post. And this one is too funny, too.
      I was thinking of the new Carmel flavored Bailey’s however.
      Maybe your spiff is at the back of the closet with mine.
      WAIT…I don’t think I’ve ever had any.
      and that spinach dip in the teeth remark just about made me spit coffee on my screen. Cuz it’s TOO TRUE!
      Happy Holidays, AM!

      December 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 am

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