Antique Junk Drawer

Bring It Stacy!

I don’t get to watch much television these days, but occasionally at the end of the day, after I’ve put Sean to bed, I’ll flip through the channels and end up watching part of an episode of What Not To Wear. Do y’all ever watch that show? Isn’t it fascinating? Two snotty condescending people insult you, throw your clothes away, make you cry and then force you to buy uncomfortable shoes. And inevitably they jump out from behind a rack of clothes at a department store and scare the puddin’ out of you. Fashion + Fear = Fun! 

I am fascinated by this show for many reasons, but mostly because I do not understand these people who are emotionally attached to their sorry clothes. I  don’t know how many times I’ve seen Stacy and some poor schmuck tearfully playing tug of war with a ratty sweater. My theory is that these people are the same kids who drug around their blankie until they were 11. I was not one of those kids. I never had a blankie. But then again, I may have attachment issues.  On the other hand, if a tornado came through and wiped out my entire collection of broom skirts and Brighton belts, I would be able to skip the grief counseling.

Anyway, I’m thinking about all of this because one recent Sunday morning, after I had tried on no less than four different outfits to wear to church, I was thinking about submitting my own application to What Not To Wear. Now before you go all holy roller on me, it’s not like I was trying to show off and dress to the nines or anything like that. I was aspiring to dress maybe to the twos which is one step above pajama bottoms and slippers. I am hopelessly out of step with the now generation (as evidenced by the fact that I just used the term “now generation”) and believe that you should at least be dressed to the twos when attending church – that means no pajama bottoms and no cleavage and I’m not really all that keen on blue jeans.

Anyway, like most Americans, I have a closet full of clothes. But all of my stuff a) doesn’t fit, b) is hopelessly out of date, c) was purchased when I was temporarily insane, d) is hideous, e) has been worn so much it is sad, sad, sad and f) all of the above.

So on that particular Sunday morning, I was in my closet, knee deep in a pile of a, b, c, d, e and f – and I was thinking that if Stacy London were in my closet, I would not be playing tug of war with her over a broom skirt. I would not be crying. No, I’d be standing in the trash can stomping it all down to make sure there was room for everything.

And then I’d kick her out of my closet and call in Big Mama who would preface her insults with “Bless your little ole heart” as all good southern women do.

54 thoughts on “Bring It Stacy!

  1. Every time our doorbell rings, I’m certain it’s the people from What Not To Wear. And my husband has placed the call.

    I’m with you. Good riddance. Well. Except those pink Tigger overalls are awefully cute. Not on me, of course. But on the hanger.

  2. I love that show. Probably my favorite reality TV.

    I played “WNTW” with my mom not too long after my father passed away. We got rid of dresses with bibs, pants that were two sizes too large that she was still wearing or at least saving “in case she got fat again.” She hadn’t even looked at a skirt since high school because she “couldn’t wear skirts.” Now she owns 14 of them (went on a little kick of her own after I made her buy one).

    Now every time she visits she makes me be her personal shopper. I might have created a bit of a monster.

  3. I hate buying clothes, especially dressup clothes, which is why I no longer have anything but jeans and a couple of pairs of slacks. I need someone to go shopping with me and tell me what to buy. Otherwise I’ll have to be buried in jeans or sweats.

  4. Eh, I’m kind of in the other boat. I agree you should get rid of actually RATTY items, but some people are (for example) simply more comfortable in pants, or just feel nekked if any cleavage is exposed, or just don’t have the inclination to spend an hour styling their hair in the morning.

    On every makeover I’ve seen, I theorize that if you find the “victim” a year later, the majority will have gone back to their old ways, just because it is what works for them.

  5. It took me a long time to get over the fact that my teenage boys wear jeans to church. But what’s a momma to do? Gotta choose your battles and that’s not one I’m going to fight (or win.) We’re too busy fighting the “you have to get out of bed and go to church.” That’s one I intend to win — at least while they’re still living at home.

  6. Hey, as long as I don’t have to wear pantyhose, I’m a happy woman. They could put me in a purple spandex jumpsuit with rainbow colored leg warmers and I wouldn’t complain.

  7. I haven’t been to your blog in awhile and man…am I the only one who cannot read the print on top of that busy background?

  8. I am with you on being out of step with what is out there. I lost a lot of weight in the last year and have needed to go shopping for nice clothes, but everything out right now is hideous and or clingy. Not really working for the mommy pooch that still remains …. I need Big Mama’s (or Stacy’s) help too.

  9. I think you pegged the summary of that show. What I don’t understand is why people sign themselves up for that kind of punishment. Those people are snotty and brutal, and once Clinton (is that his name?) came on the show wearing a cutesy sweater with a dog on it? He’s supposed to be a man, yes? No thank you.

    Wait, was that what you meant by holy roller?

  10. LOL! “C” cracks me up…I think most of my clothing is purchased under that condition, which leads to the obvious question of whether or not there IS any other condition for me…

    I am not attached to my ratty clothes either. But I hate those two people on that show. They’re sooooo obnoxious I want to poke them right in the nose(s).

  11. Ah! That’s my favorite show! They’re so MEAN! But who really loves their ugly old pants that much? Who is THAT ATTATCHED to some awful sweater? They are more then welcome to come and throw out all of my clothes.

  12. I’m with you, AM, on the Big Mama idea. I love her sense of style. Maybe she should have her own show?

  13. I love WNTW. Stacy is especially snotty. Clinton I don’t mind so much.
    I am no fashion plate, but I sat next to a woman in church yesterday who(m?) I wanted to turn in to the show. Seriously, this young mother had on a knee length denim skirt with a saggy t-shirt. That could have been passable except she was wearing running shoes and short white socks. Why, I ask you? Just a pair of ballet flats would have made her look sooooo much better.

  14. I watch the show and totally think one of your friends should draft you for the show! I think it would be fun for you. Plus you may get to fly to NY and shop. You are a hottie already but hey why not? They do come up with some really nice styles (minus the shoes since they do not look comfortable they just look good).

  15. The only time I ever blasted the Husband with the silent treatment, he was channel surfing and came upon WNTW. It was back in 99 or 00, not sure, and we’d never before seen it. He watched for a minute, and then called out “You HAVE to get in here.” When I took too long, he yelled again, so I moseyed in and saw …. my wardrobe on TV, being blasted by Stacey. The poor woman on the show even had my same, exact coat. I watched for 10 minutes, glared at him and then didn’t talk to him for 2 days. Mature, I know.

  16. Reality TV both reviles and captivates me at the same time. WNTW is one, but the one that really, really gets me is Trading Spaces.

    Oh. MY. WORD. Train Wreck.

    When the team starts talking about a “theme” for the den that involves sombreros or surf boards watch out it is going to be bad. Or they remove all lighting but twinkle lights, because you know that is really practical.

  17. I *LOVE* WNTW! My husband even watches it with me and he says “you’d love to be on that show wouldn’t you?”. And he’s right, I would, but then he goes on to say that my clothes aren’t bad enough – sigh. And unlike most of the commenters, I love Stacy and Clinton.

  18. I’ve never watched a full episode of WNTW, but I re-enact it almost every day with my husband. “Honey, what pants can I wear with this shirt?” “Ummm, not those!”

    But honestly, after 15 years of constant make-overs, he’s turning out pretty well. Luckily, he had no attachment issues to old clothes.

    Except for the Members Only jacket from 1984. But once we got rid of that, it was a piece of cake.

  19. I love that show too! They can be kind of snotty on it sometimes but some of those people need some serious help. I would love to have them give me a Visa to spend and personal shopping help. I don’t think my clothes look nearly that bad enough though. I do have too many things hanging in my closet that I never wear. I feel I get a little more unstylish the longer I am a SAHM.

  20. I have a closet full of f’s. You can totally borrow my stuff anyday. (You’d make any of it look better for sure.)

    And for the record, I’ve begged my coworkers to submit my name to WNTW, but they would never come to my neighborhood. We’re too midwestern for them to care about us. Plus, I would totally kabash the idea of spending $200 on a pair of shoes and head straight to DSW, even if it weren’t my money. That wouldn’t look so good on tv, I’m thinking.

  21. I’ve often thought about calling them in (or Tim Gunn), but I’ve realized that my problem isn’t my fashion sense. It’s my bank account. I should probably focus my energy on winning some sort of sweepstakes!

  22. For once I would like to see Stacy wear what she always wears while watching a bunch of kids. She might rethink the whole “of course you can wear heels to the grocery store thing”.

  23. Mary, I agree. The other line that always gets me is “By changing your shoes and jewelry, this outfit will go from day to evening” — I’ve never once needed to change my shoes and jewelry to go from day to evening, even when I was single and working. And now when days goes to evening, I go to bed. No shoes or jewelry required.

  24. I’m with Bee and Shalee…it’s not that my ratty clothes are ratty because I love them…it’s because I can’t stomach the idea of blowing $300 on a fancy new skirt. At least Ratty clothes are paid off clothes.

  25. I’d love to go on that show just to have the money for clothes! And I’d buy what they told me to…the people end up looking pretty snazzy.

    It’d be hard for me to shop in NYC, though….I can’t stomach dropping $100 on any article of clothing.

  26. I really need to get cable. Or digital whatever it is. I think I’m missing out on a lot. All I know is that my closet has some really awesome pieces in it that I got at great prices. The sad thing is that none of them match and I always end up in jeans and a t-shirt.

  27. My biggest fear is that even the stuff I think looks great on me would still wind up on Clinton and Stacy’s video for the express purpose of proving what a schlub I really am. Sadder still…I’m not even sure I could identify a Brighton belt.

  28. I love that show! But then, I used to draw “before” and “after” makeover pictures as a child. Wha..? That’s not NORMAL?

    Yes, I find myself yelling at the t.v. when it’s on: “What do you mean you don’t want to cut your hair? Have you LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY?! You can only go up from there, lady!”

    I think I might be snotty and condescending, too, now that I think about it. ‘cept I’m not nearly as thin, pretty or conceited as Stacy. Promise. 😉

  29. Oh my gosh – sooo funny! I too wish those people would come rescue me from my fashion faux paus. At this point, I celebrate matching! Haha!!
    If you know anyone who wants to toss my frump-wear and buy me some designer clothes, let me know asap!

  30. I’ve only caught small parts of the show and I don’t like it. But I love Big Mama. She really should have a show of her own.

  31. My mom threatened to turn me in to WNTW after I wore the same shirt to work two days in a row. Well, actually, it was three days in a row (she only caught me twice). I’m secretly hoping she will. Because, HELLO, $5,000!! And a new haircut by someone who really knows if bangs would look good on me or not.

  32. I don’t know. I think if she made one step towards the sufficated sweaters and demand that you wear them you would tug-a-war to wrap them around her head. And then stuff her in the box ignoring her silent screams. Gotta love plastic – they’re virtually sound proof!

  33. Your post has made my day. I can completely identify, and am sick and tired of going through the Sunday morning “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR” rants. To top it all off, I hate to go shopping.

    You are so funny, though. You are like the Erma Bombeck of blogworld. ;-Þ

  34. Great post!! I love how you ended up with a pile of a,b,c,d,e,f. That’s funny!

    What I like most about the show is that I think they help people with their self-esteem and that is SO important.

    I can’t say I don’t have my super-frumpy moments (I mean days!) that’s for sure! Let Stacy – or Clinton for that matter – try the SAHM gig and we’ll see how long they look that good! ; )

  35. You are so funny. I don’t know if I’ve commented before, but I’ve been reading your blog lately and I love it. My closet is the SAME. and I am still laughing about what you wrote the other day about Sean being in the Walmart but not of the Walmart. You are funny. Thanks for sharing!

  36. Oh, my word! This one made me laugh out loud – not good since the whole house is sleeping! I am right there with ya on the whole thing – except maybe we could add h,i,j, and k. I am gunning for the big Gunn, though ~ Tim, that is.

  37. I love that show. I have seen every episode — not kidding. Now when I go shopping I can’t help but ask everytime I’m going to purchase something “What would Stacy & Clinton say about this?” I want them to do an episode about someone who is trying to live by it, but just doesn’t have the $5,000 card!

  38. I think Stacy could use a make-over some times. She needs to cut her hair for openers! Just imagine your closet only I have x-number of years more (f) stuff in there!! Somehow “retro chic” doesn’t look chic on an older woman who is recycling her wardrobe. LOL

  39. The Diva (15) and I watch that show. I’ve learned a thing or two from it, but they would still give me a hard time.

    When you’re raising a toddler, getting out of the fuzzy slippers and bathrobe is a major accomplishment.~~Dee

  40. I think I ‘ve watched that show once while at my moms. The show I watched had a whole family get a makeover of clothes.

    I think I have one or two things that others might consider “ratty” that I would not want to let go of, but the rest-Im with you..I would be stomping it down so there was room in the trash can for EVERYTHING!

  41. Love that show! Of course, I wonder why you are holding on to all that closet clutter if you AREN’T attached to it. If WNTW doesn’t show up on your doorstep, Salvation Army just might. LOL!

  42. I have four daughters 19 and up and we love this show….and we like Jill and Clint, although they are a little snotty. What I can’t get over is how many women live in sweat pants and sweat shirts….ugh…do they ever look in a mirror?! I’ve had six children, lived on a dairy farm and I wouldn’t be caught dead in sweats….maybe I’m a little snotty too, but my husband likes me to look nice for him and if you’re wise to how sales are planned, you don’t have to spend a small fortune. Also, just plan to buy a few key items each season, and you will stay up to date.

  43. We love TNTW! My girls and I download the shows and then watch them on the internet in our pyjamas every Saturday. It’s bliss!

    As for your clothes, just trash them. It’s better to have six outfits that you feel good in than 35 that make you look horrible. You don’t need that many clothes, anyway. None of us do.

    And if you keep clothes that are too big for you in your closet, you may as well put a neon sign on the door saying, “You’re Fat”! Because everytime you open the closet that’s the accusation you’ll hear.

    Free your closet! Find the inner Stacey! And have fun!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *