When we brought Sean home from the hospital, like any new mother, I spent a lot of time just marveling over what an amazing creature he was — his tiny fingers, his itty bitty tongue, that he could pee into his own ear.
I don’t know why I’m bringing this up now, but recently it came to mind and it made me laugh — just like it did when it happened four and a half years ago. So I thought I better write it down now so I can remember to tell his prom date.
Somehow, I had managed to get through four decades of life without changing a diaper and the NICU nurse was able to sense this. Perhaps it was the wide-eyed look of terror on my face. I don’t know. So before they let us take him home, the NICU nurse made me change his diaper while she looked on, kind of like a test of sorts. Luckily it was not a letter grade test but a pass/fail test — otherwise I would have had to ask for an extra credit assignment like reloading the diaper genie.
When we got him home, I laid him carefully on the changing table and mentally went through the checklist like a pilot getting ready to fly solo for the first time. I had everything in place. Fresh diaper! Check! Wipes! Check! Butt Paste! Check! Baby! Check! In spite of my checklist, I didn’t know what I was doing and I knew I didn’t know what I was doing and I was pretty sure Sean knew I didn’t know what I was doing. But then, unlike now, he couldn’t run away and hide.
I pulled the old diaper off but made the tactical error of not immediately covering “it” up – as any mother of a boy will tell you, it’s a mistake you only make once. I reached for the wipes and when I turned back, there was a perfect arc of pee going straight up and almost over his head. Almost, but not quite. With his head turned to the side, he was peeing directly into his own ear.
I screamed like a little girl and then quickly covered “it” up. And then I laugh out loud because really? My kid had just pee’d into his own ear! I decided right then that I liked him, that any boy who would pee into his own ear just to amuse his mother is worth keeping around.
Make me feel better – tell me a story about your parental learning curve.