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  • Learning Curve

    April 4, 2008

    When we brought Sean home from the hospital, like any new mother, I spent a lot of time just marveling over what an amazing creature he was — his tiny fingers, his itty bitty tongue, that he could pee into his own ear.

     

    Seriously.

     

    I don’t know why I’m bringing this up now, but recently it came to mind and it made me laugh — just like it did when it happened four and a half years ago. So I thought I better write it down now so I can remember to tell his prom date.

     

    Somehow, I had managed to get through four decades of life without changing a diaper and the NICU nurse was able to sense this.  Perhaps it was the wide-eyed look of terror on my face. I don’t know.  So before they let us take him home, the NICU nurse made me change his diaper while she looked on, kind of like a test of sorts.   Luckily it was not a letter grade test but a pass/fail test — otherwise I would have had to ask for an extra credit assignment like reloading the diaper genie.

     

    When we got him home, I laid him carefully on the changing table and mentally went through the checklist like a pilot getting ready to fly solo for the first time.  I had everything in place.  Fresh diaper! Check! Wipes! Check! Butt Paste! Check! Baby! Check!  In spite of my checklist, I didn’t know what I was doing and I knew I didn’t know what I was doing and I was pretty sure Sean knew I didn’t know what I was doing.  But then, unlike now, he couldn’t run away and hide. 

     

    I pulled the old diaper off but made the tactical error of not immediately covering “it” up – as any mother of a boy will tell you, it’s a mistake you only make once.  I reached for the wipes and when I turned back, there was a perfect arc of pee going straight up and almost over his head. Almost, but not quite.  With his head turned to the side, he was peeing directly into his own ear.

     

    I screamed like a little girl and then quickly covered “it” up. And then I laugh out loud because really? My kid had just pee’d into his own ear!  I decided right then that I liked him, that any boy who would pee into his own ear just to amuse his mother is worth keeping around. 

     

    Make me feel better – tell me a story about your parental learning curve.

    82 Comments »

    1. julie@love,laughter&laundry says:

      What a sweet story. As the mother of three boys I have bee peed on quite a few times. I guess I was a slow learner.

      April 4th, 2008 at 12:48 am

    2. faithful chick says:

      My son had colic and woke me up every 30 minutes wanting to nurse or be held. After a couple of weeks of no more than 20-30 minutes of sleep at a time, I was going nutty. I was in the bed and heard the baby crying. A few moments later, I’m not sure how long, my husband tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Honey, what are you doing?”

      I was sitting on the edge of our bed, rocking back and forth, patting myself on the shoulder, saying “It’s alright, baby. It’s alright.”

      I thought I had the baby in my arms. I was rocking myself and the boy was still in his crib.

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am

    3. Tami says:

      Found your blog last week and have been sucked in by your ability to magnify the ordinary, thus discovering the sacred. I’ll be peeking in on a regular basis – considering it a privilege!

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:16 am

    4. Lexi says:

      Here ya go…you’re not alone!

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:17 am

    5. Jenny says:

      Sadly, it took me several times with each of my sons (I have 3) to learn that lesson. Obviously, I’m NOT a fast learner.

      Faithful chick’s story is possibly one of the best new mom stories I have ever read. Too funny!

      A lesson that my husband and I learned pretty early on with our firstborn is that it’s best to wait a while after feeding to turn the vibrating bouncy seat on. Especially with a baby that tends to spit up anyhow.
      Wow, little people can really erupt!

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:44 am

    6. Natalie says:

      My son was born first, and I know too well about the arc of pee, which is maybe a little triumphant, too, I guess. But when my daughter was born, two years later, nobody warned me that baby girls can make their own pee arc. …so I learned to cover up my daughter, too, because while my son aimed for the sky, my daughter did not – her aim was a bit lower, and remarkably accurate.

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:46 am

    7. Jeana says:

      Ah–so you knew early on that he was exceptionally gifted.

      April 4th, 2008 at 2:16 am

    8. Jeana says:

      And…I’m back because I just got the title. Lycopene may not help your memory, but it seems to be good for the wit.

      April 4th, 2008 at 2:20 am

    9. Jenny @ a latte talk says:

      I got a boy that doesn’t do that… never has! On one of my hands, I can count the number of times he’s peed whilst the diaper was off. What kind of a boy am I raising? I need to teach him the fine art of peeing in one’s own ear!!! Who knew?

      April 4th, 2008 at 2:43 am

    10. Kilikina says:

      My son did the exact same thing, except gross…I think it was his eyes!

      April 4th, 2008 at 3:15 am

    11. Anne says:

      Wow that boy has talent!! I always remember envying my brother as a kid, because practically he could pee outside (e.g. behind a tree) whenever he wanted, but it was so much harder as a girl! I did however have the worst aim ever, and my parents now have some terrible stories that can be told of holding me in strange positions to stop me peeing on myself! Humiliation!

      April 4th, 2008 at 5:29 am

    12. Anne says:

      I’m sure I remember my Mum telling the story of how my brother peed into someone cup of tea (doctors?)! I am so glad my brother is not reading this!

      April 4th, 2008 at 5:32 am

    13. Donna W says:

      Been there, done that. It happens to the best of us.

      April 4th, 2008 at 5:37 am

    14. Damsel says:

      That is hilarious… My story is more about pee, and less about my own learning curve, unless you count that I realized my son would do things that no rational person would even *think* of doing, much less actually *do* if the thought really did cross their mind… It’s at the bottom of this post: http://damselandfamily.wordpress.com/2007/09/23/this-is-me-writing/

      April 4th, 2008 at 6:32 am

    15. Fiddledeedee (It Coulda Been Worse) says:

      My son’s trajectory wasn’t very impressive. (Shhhh, don’t tell his father) My shining moment occurred when I forgot to check the setting on the breast pump. To my surprise, it was on “MAXIMUM”. Which really kind of sucked.

      Ahem.

      April 4th, 2008 at 7:07 am

    16. misslisslee says:

      My older son was also in the NICU, so we had to do the ‘test’, only it was more extensive – we both had to take CPR, and also had to bathe him. So, when it’s the Hawkeye’s turn, he’s just come from work and has on his dress shirt and tie. He undresses the boy and picks him up, facing him, whereupon the boy promptly soaks his silk tie. All the while he’s saying “could somebody help me here?” And the nurse and I were no help — we just stood there laughing, with tears running down our faces.

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:09 am

    17. ~*~ Jennifer ~*~ says:

      Learning curve… remember when you have your first born and you sat in the back seat with them? Now I laugh when I see a mom in the back with the infant and the dad being the lone adult in the front.

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:12 am

    18. maya says:

      my newborn girl (now 2.5) went through a whole cycle of pooping as soon as the diaper came off (but before the new one was on). we called that the play-doh fun factory – that’s what it looked like!

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:34 am

    19. Johna says:

      When my oldest daughter (now 13) was an infant, she had colic and cried non-stop, so much so, that I didn’t want to leave the house with her for fear of being banned from Target b/c of she…never….stopped….crying… I hadn’t even taken her to work for all my co-workers to see (and they were NOAT happy about it).

      ANYWAY, I finally mustered up all my energy and got her all dolled up, I mean every cute baby girl accesory you can imagine, I had it on her from the stretchy headband with the big oversized bow (seriously, she looked like one of those Worle War 2 Soldiers from the movies with the big head wound wrap on) right down to the super frilly socks and shoes. I put her in her infant seat and sat her in the crib while I finished getting ready.

      Well, she fell asleep during this time, and long story short (too late) I picked up my purse, keys, coat diaper bag tc. and out the door I went.

      I was half way down the driveway before I realized that my sweet little dressed up baby girl was not in the car. Nope, she was still in her infant seat, in the crib, in the locked house, ALONE.

      Nothing makes a new mommy go into some sort of freak out the likes of man has never seen, than to FORGET YOUR OWN CHILD. I guess, I was so exhausted my mind was still asleep.

      P.S. She, also, was still asleep and never knew the difference. It also never happened again, so don’t think I am a bad mommy ha ha.

      Sorry for the typos I tried to go back and fix them but for some reason the website wouldn’t allow me to get back to them after I proof read.

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:39 am

    20. jenni says:

      My mother will never forget the evening she babysat our firstborn who was 6 months old at the time. We came home and she proceeded to tell us about the ginormous blow-out diaper our daughter had presented her with. DH and I stood wide-eyed as she laughed about the extent of the mess, but she laughed even harder when we both managed to sputter out “you changed it…ALL BY YOURSELF???”

      We were simply amazed that one didn’t actually, in fact, need four hands to do the job, as we had been convinced.

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:45 am

    21. Blog Antagonist says:

      Oh my, you’re so right. It’s a mistake you only make once. Cute, cute story.

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:47 am

    22. Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt says:

      I, too, had a son first. He only ever hit the wall, thankfully. I got pee’d on by my daughter a lot more. Go figure.

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:49 am

    23. Yvonne says:

      I can’t come up with one right now, as I am laughing much too hard…..!!! Thanks for starting my day off on the bright side!!

      April 4th, 2008 at 8:52 am

    24. Antique Mommy says:

      Oh Maya. Oh yes. I remember the play-doh poo. I guess I had forgotten that, so thanks for bringing THAT up! One time there was a sniper poo incident. I pulled those little legs up and…. well let’s just say thank heavens I got out of the way in time.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:10 am

    25. zoom says:

      You are so funny. Thanks for starting my Friday off with a chuckle.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:19 am

    26. Julie in KS says:

      OMG!! Sniper poo?! That is too funny! I have been exceptionally lucky, I guess. #1 son nailed me once, but #2 evidently thought it was more fun to lie in wait for Dad. I’m sure I’ll get my share now, though, since we’re in the very early stages of potty training.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:22 am

    27. canadacole says:

      Sniper poo! As if I wasn’t laughing enough from the pee story.

      I’m the oldest and only girl in my family with 3 little brothers. The youngest was born when I was 11. I did all my learning back then and in the subsequent years babysitting and nannying. I felt READY to become a parent. But oh, did I laugh at some of my husband’s learning curve moments! (You warn them, but they don’t seem to hear you)

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:25 am

    28. Julie at Elisharose says:

      Speaking of getting out of the way, there was the time my poor baby son was a little constipated. We gave him the obligatory suppository. My husband and I comforted him on the bed while he lay there naked and making these cute little uncomfortable sounds. (I know I’m some kind of sick mother to think my son’s discomfort is cute.) Anyway, he eventually came “unplugged” and it shot across the room. My husband caught it in his hand. It was an amazing catch.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:26 am

    29. Kelly Anne says:

      While we were still in the hospital with our first son, hubby was changing a diaper for the first time. Evidently, “it” was pointed just right and my precious newborn actually pee’d in his FATHER’S ear!!! After laughing about that, it seems it was my turn a few weeks later…baby boy coughed while I was changing him, and I somehow ended up with a shirt full of poo! (it wasn’t so funny then ;~) )

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:26 am

    30. Alli says:

      One of my best “learning curve pee stories” doesn’t have to do with a newborn, but a toddler.

      My mom and I once went to a HUGE electronics store with my kids. We made our way across the HUGE parking lot to our car which was parked at the back. It was then that my oldest son announced he needed to go potty. So I grabbed an old apple juice bottle to let him use that. He stood up in the van near the door, and I held the AJ bottle in place for him. Except “it” wasn’t pointing directly down in to the bottle and I didn’t realize it. It was actually pointing directly to the rim of the bottle. So when he started going, it created a large “fan o’ pee”. All over my shirt, all over my face, in.my.mouth. went the pee. I learned to always keep tabs on where “it’s” pointing.

      Oh, and if you ever happen to ride in my car, don’t ever drink the apple juice.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:26 am

    31. Rachel Langston says:

      48 hours after we brought our oldest child home, we had changed lots of diapers but there had been little, if any, output. I was still trying to breastfeed but not knowing that what little milk I was producing wasn’t enough. It was the weekend and my mother suggested that we feed him some of the sample formula they had sent us home with until we could call the dr. on Monday. Needless to say, the child was starving! He downed all the formula we gave and and feel asleep immediately. Thank goodness my mother was here! I don’t know when it would have occurred to me that he was HUNGRY!
      Rachel Langston

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:34 am

    32. Judy says:

      Ahhhh little boys. Trust me the facination for peeing whereever and whenever he wants to will not go away. It’s a guy thing!

      By the way, I have been reading your blog everyday for some time now. I love to laugh and be thoughtfully provoked. Thanks for having me!

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:38 am

    33. Carrie says:

      That is hilarious!!! A few hours after I had my son, I had changed lots of diapers (I worked at a daycare), but I wasn’t able to get up out of bed yet, and Zachary had one of those nasty meconium diapers…and my husband had never changed a diaper… so I’m trying to explain it to him from the bed… it was so funny. He ended up calling the nurse, who just gave him this look, like, “are you serious?” and then said, “I’ll help you this one time, then you have to do it yourself.” It was so funny. And he’s a pro now. 🙂

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:38 am

    34. imagine community says:

      Great story. Brings back memories of projectile poop hitting the opposite wall. “Sniper poo” indeed! Snorfles.

      April 4th, 2008 at 10:08 am

    35. Fraulein says:

      This thread is hilarious. As the mom of a girl I haven’t experienced this particular thing. But I do remember trying to comb my daughter’s hair after one of her first baths. (She was born with a LOT of hair.) And I’m white and my husband is Asian, and as a newborn she looked full Asian. I made the mistake of combing her hair straight back and it went into a kind of bouffant thing, and she looked exactly like a newborn baby version of Kim Jong Il, the crazy leader of North Korea. I’ve been combing it down to the sides ever since…

      April 4th, 2008 at 10:20 am

    36. pinkmommy says:

      As an expecting mother who doesn’t know what she is having, this cracks me up and terrifies me all at the same time. And I have a 4 year old (girl)!

      April 4th, 2008 at 10:23 am

    37. A&EMom says:

      My oldest was 2 weeks old and going in for a routine check-up. She had fallen asleep about 10 minutes before my mom came to pick us up so I just laid her in tbe car seat. At the ped’s office I’m checking us in at the desk and I hear my mom say to the baby, “Oh, Mommy already unbuckled your seatbelt.” The entire waiting room turned when they heard my gasp.

      Moral: As soon as you put the kid in the seat, buckle it before you forget and are outed at the doc’s office.

      April 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am

    38. Doug says:

      Had pee down the wall a couple of times. Son was a projectile vomiter, so I took more spew than pee. Not sure it’s really a parenting thing, but I remember thinking “there’s some really strange crap on TV at 2:00 am.”

      April 4th, 2008 at 10:47 am

    39. Heidi says:

      When our son was 18 months old, he had a diaper blow-out – AT CHURCH. And it leaked all over the floor in front of the pew we were in. We actually had to sneak back in and wipe the floor during the sermon. And when I say “We” I mean my husband. And of course, there was no sneaking about it.
      The teenage girls behind us were about to fall off their pew laughing.
      A good form of birth control….

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:03 am

    40. Shalee says:

      We learned that calling the Nurse Line a couple of months before the baby was born to say, “Milk! From my breast! What’s wrong?!” will cause a nurse to laugh quite heartily and make her day.

      Oh and that meconium, when first erupting is nasty, not to mention really loud in Hallmark.

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:11 am

    41. Antique Mommy says:

      Still trying to blame that one on the baby, eh Shalee?

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am

    42. Heidi says:

      Oh my gosh, that is funny! Anja can make quite an arc of pee herself (for a girl), but it never shoots at her face. Ha!

      I think the weirdest thing I learned was not that breastmilk must be sucked, but the baby gnaws and it shoots out. So if baby pulls off mid-feed, milk sprays baby, sprays myself, sprays everything within range. Yuck. But it usually made Anja laugh!

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:25 am

    43. mary says:

      MY oldest( of three) who is now thirty…had colick until he was a year old and a very touchy tummy.It is a wonder we had two more, really.
      Loose bowels were the rule rather than the exception.
      One time when he was clpse to two( maybe about twenty months old) and still in diapers we went shopping at the local Sears Department store.
      He was tired of riding in the cart and I let him toddle beside me. Finally I picked him up to put him back in the cart and realised there was a stream/trail of poo down his leg (and now on me and the cart).
      I looked at the floor and for quite some ways back there were little brown tracks/ a trail of where we had been.
      I panicked, picked him up, left everything in the cart, left the brown tracks and fled the store and headed straight home.
      I still feel badly about doing that to Sears.

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:26 am

    44. chilihead says:

      That story is almost identical to my first hour home from the hospital, except Max just peed into his face. Nice.

      I once called the pediatrician because, after nap time, Max’s diaper was filled with little crystals. Oh no! It must be an infection or something! But everyone was at lunch! No answering of phones! I got online and went to BabyCenter.com and pleaded with other mommies to help me for the Love Of PETE! My baby!

      A kind mommy took pity on me and asked if Max’s diaper was unusually full. Why, yes. Yes, it was. Apparently those are just the pee-absorbing crystals. When they are full, they spill out of the diaper. Huh.

      Crisis averted. Carry on.

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:27 am

    45. Natalie at Casa in TX says:

      DS is uncircumcised so the weight always kept it warm and down so when the diaper came off he never peed at all.
      DD was about 18 months old when we started getting the Honey Whole Wheat bread from Great Harvest. After twice helping her birth large dry poops – had to do it outside on the back porch so I could midwife properly – I stopped letting her eat a slice of that bread every day. Poor little thing!

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:30 am

    46. BooMom says:

      In the throes of sleep deprivation, I *though* I had changed Jared’s diaper… I changed his sleeper, and his sheets – but had only slapped on a fresh diaper OVER the aready soaked one !

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:40 am

    47. bringingupdaisy says:

      Having four boys,we were caught off guard with the pee arc many times, slow learners that we were. The most magnificent display however was worked by our third son. He was breast fed and never had any consistency to his poo. He would also save it up for several days and have major blow outs. So we learned early to put a towel under him in his car seat. One day he was happily swinging in one of those tall wand up swings and I glanced over at him in time to see poo slinging from hither to yon! It was a wonder to behold!

      Your blog has made me laugh and cry for about three years now. Thank you. I identify with so many of your posts. I was 46 when we were given custody of our infant granddaughter, so I am also an antique mommy of sorts. (I have been known to have 5 cans of cinnamon in my pantry…doesn’t take up as much space as catsup!)

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am

    48. MJ says:

      When my twins were 2 weeks old, we both went to the grocery store with them and had two separate carts (with the 2 car seats). I SWEAR I told my husband that I was going to wander up the baby aisle to check out what junk–oops, I mean important items–we might need. When I arrived back at the fish counter, there was my infant. Alone. In a shopping cart. (This was the same baby who had been released from the NICU about 7 days earlier.) Father? Off shopping elsewhere in the store with the other baby.

      What did I learn? Umm. Speak loudly and clearly. Always count to two before leaving anywhere.

      April 4th, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    49. Lisa says:

      OK, I have two- Well, actually the first is about my brother and sister-in-law. They frantically raced into the OB when my sister-in-law was about 7 months pregnant and told him that they thought something was wrong with the baby. They said that it kept “shaking” every couple of minutes and asked if it could be some kind of siezure. The doctor informed them that it was hiccups!

      As for me- actually my husband. When I was pregnant with our first child we were discussing what to do with the baby after I went back to work- private daycare, nanny, etc. My husband works night so he is home during the day so we were only needing care for the morning. Well, my husband, who had never held a baby, never changed a diaper, never even really been around a baby made a statement that lives in history in our family. He said,(quite dramatically) “I’ll watch the baby. How hard can it be!” Well, he actually does watch both of our girls (ages 4 & 2) now during the day but I think he has figured out that it is a bit harder than he thought it would be!

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    50. SG says:

      My neighbor’s son learned the hard way if you are going to pee in the backyard (whch all little boys seemto think is their God given right to do) NEVER PEE BY THE AIR CONDITIONER. It started blowing when he was mid-stream and gave him quite a little shower!

      April 4th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    51. Jennie says:

      Same thing…different reaction. When my newborn baby born first showed me his ability to arc his pee I instinctively cupped my hands and tried to catch it. I wish I could say it was to protect my baby – but I was really thinking of the brand new carpet my husband had just installed. But the cupping didn’t help anyway, because while I was simultaneously laughing, screaming for my husband and cupping pee my sweet baby boy pooped all over.

      April 4th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    52. Sarah says:

      It never occured to me the entire time I was pregnant that the sweet little babe I was carrying would not sleep through the night after he was born. Of course I knew from movies and television that babies didn’t sleep through the night causing extreme sleep deprivation with their parents. But for some reason it never dawned on me that MY child wouldn’t sleep through the night. Needless to say, I was a little shocked when I kept having to get up every 3 hours and feed the little guy. I was clueless.

      April 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    53. Jill S. says:

      LOL, I LOVED this story. With 3 girls, I never had this happen . . .

      April 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    54. happy Mommy says:

      Oh my sweet first son was just a little pee pot! He would pee every single time I took his diaper off! And he would laugh his little head off! Now let me tell you, that sweet boy of mine still thinks pee is funny, he likes to see if he can spell his name with his pee. Good thing we live in the country!

      April 4th, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    55. Sandra says:

      I just remember being extremely exhuasted those first few weeks having to wake every few hours to feed the baby. I can’t tell you how many times my husband came into the room to find me on the couch feeding the baby with my head thrown back, mouth wide open and the nipple on the baby’s cheek or neck.

      April 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    56. daring one says:

      I just love that you put quotes around “it”.

      April 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    57. Donna says:

      My friend gave birth to a breech baby who came out feet first. He peed all over the doctor before his head was even delivered!!

      April 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    58. Tom says:

      I had my learning curve with girl babies. So I was entirely caught off guard with my son, who on his very first day of being on the outside of the womb managed to pee all over my shirt, while his mom lay in her recovery bed laughing her head off. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

      April 4th, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    59. Heidi says:

      Three-year-old Sarah wanted to know why she had to sit down, while her older brother stood up. “Because we pee straight down, but he ‘points’ at the toilet,” I told her.

      She promptly arched the small of her back and projected a prodigious stream of pee into the bathroom sink.

      So much for motherly insight. (She can still do it on demand. Talented girl.)

      April 4th, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    60. Roxanne says:

      The first Sunday we took my second baby to church, he was PERFECT. PERFECT. He nursed and fell asleep like an angel, then proceeded to sleep all the way through the service AND after when everyone was oohing and aahing over him. . .he slept as we hauled in out and buckled him into the car. He slept as we headed for home, then right before we got on the freeway, he went off like a tornado siren. I figured he was hungry, so hubby quickly pulled into a parking lot for a quick nurse since we had a 30 minute trip home. I picked up my sweet, adorable, screaming boy and was met with school-bus/mustard yellow poop from the bottoms of his heels to the top of his little blond head. That boy had filled his diaper, his onesie, AND his car seat.

      And I hadn’t brought a change of clothes.

      April 4th, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    61. Jan says:

      My first day home from the hospital with my first-born, a son, I was home alone for the first diaper change. (Hubby and visitng mother had gone to the grocery store.) The story is pretty much as you described it, except baby boy didn’t turn his head for the pee to go in his ear–so it went right into his MOUTH! The look of shock on his face caused me to laugh so hard that I almost didn’t notice that all his wriggling had now readjusted his aim to all over the brand-new curtains. Needless to say, washing the curtains was a job I could have done without on that momentous day.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    62. sweatpantsmom says:

      I’m almost certain there’s a roomful of drunk frat boys somewhere who are trying this very same trick.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    63. Kacey says:

      As a teen, I was practically a professional baby-sitter. I even watched three preschool boys overnight for a couple of weekends at fifteen and sixteen. By the time my older sister delivered the first grandchild, I thought I knew everything about childcare. I espoused theories that “air baths” were wonderful for little arms and legs to move about freely. One day I left the nephew on his blankie in the buff and my sister picked him up and fed him his lunch in the nude. (She was dressed — he was naked) He immediately pooped, down her leg and onto the dog’s head. My sister handed the baby to me to clean up and went to clean herself up. Pretty soon the dog started making upchuck noises in the living room, so Sis threw the bulldog puppy out in the yard and the old dog immediately threw up on the living room carpet. My sister hasn’t listened to a word I say ever since.

      April 4th, 2008 at 9:58 pm

    64. Happy Geek says:

      Projectile poop – check
      Not covering “it” up – check
      matching bib, hat and outfit for first check-up – check
      taking half of the babies inventory of stuff with you when going to get grocercies- check
      calling the healthlink for every hiccup – check
      having baby weighed every 3 days – check

      It was a very steep learning curve for me.

      Still don’t know what I’m doing, gotten better at faking it though!

      April 4th, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    65. Trisha says:

      Child #2, Granma (who already had 6 children and 19 grandchildren) came to help. She knew what to expect, but was still a little surprised when Baby Girl began pooping all over the changing table between diapers. Even more surprised as she expertly held Baby Girl and tried to cover the poop so she could get a fresh diaper on–only to discover that she was pooping all over the brand new carpet below! That dark meconium stuff leaves a mark!

      April 5th, 2008 at 12:17 am

    66. Jammie J. says:

      I haven’t any stories to share, but I can say I feel better for being a girl and knowing I’ve not ever peed in my own ear. 🙂

      April 5th, 2008 at 12:34 am

    67. Sue says:

      That was hilarious! Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in a long time. I needed one today, believe me, so thank you! And you have to keep up the good work– for our sakes!

      April 5th, 2008 at 1:40 am

    68. nan says:

      My first son was a colicky, screamy, insomniac. Of course, I figured I must be doing something wrong, but he gradually settled down over the months and became a nice, if insomniac, one-year-old. My second boy was one of those dream babies who love to nurse, love to sleep, love to lie and giggle at the curtains. A dream. I congratulated myself on being such an excellent mother. So when I got pregnant with my third son, I thought “piece o cake! I am a pro!” Imagine my surprise when he came out and proceeded to scream, never sleep, have colic and keep me up all night. Man! Lesson: “good” babies are born that way. Some babies scream. It’s not our fault!

      April 6th, 2008 at 7:19 am

    69. Sarah says:

      As first-time parents the nurses made us give our precious new baby a bath before we could leave. Freshly washed, my husband picked her out of the tub and held her close to keep her warm as he walked to the bed to lay her down on a towel. And yes, she pooped right down the front of his shirt. We were about to take her home, and of course he hadn’t brought a change of clothes (why would he?). Luckily I had stolen one of his shirts to come into the hospital a couple days earlier, so he was able to wear that. That was nearly 5 years ago, and I think it was Ella’s way of telling us who was in charge now.

      April 6th, 2008 at 9:28 am

    70. Elizabeth says:

      My story takes place a lonnnnnng time ago. You won’t believe this, ladies, but my first born wore CLOTH diapers! She was a 21″ 6lbs 4oz baby girl and definitely the tiniest human I had ever seen in my life. “Get her dressed and you can both go home” the nurse said (after we had been in the hospital for the required week!). Well, I took the diaper and folded it and refolded it until it was so thick, I couldn’t get the safety pins through it! Ended up the nurse did it for me and we went home…very afraid of what was to come!

      April 6th, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    71. Jill says:

      Oh, mercy! There wouldn’t be room enough on in the comments box! The best thing, though, is being able to laguh about it just as you did. I think if we’re able to laugh at ourselves for some stuff, and apologize for things to our kids when we need to do so, then things usually seem to work out just fine!

      April 6th, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    72. edj says:

      Abel had an issue with a too-small opening, later corrected in surgery, but when he was toilet training, he’d stand at the toilet, aim, and hit his own hair! Or, it would shoot straight off to the side and go down the heating vent, which gave our bathroom that special “homeless shelter” scent whenever the heat was on.
      Those were special times!
      Also, I would advise any new mother to turn down the offer of a free wicker changing table. Just think about it and you will know why.

      April 6th, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    73. Kristy says:

      My 3 month-old daugther had a little cold along with a lot of diarhea. My husband was on the phone with a friend sitting at my daughters head while I was at the other end changing her diaper. I had the fresh diaper already underneath her and was folding the dirty one up when it happened… she sneezed. The next thing I know, my husband tells his friend, “Hey man, I gotta go, the baby just crapped (didn’t use that word) down my wife’s chest!” It looked like a line of semi-chunky chocolate syrup running down the middle of my shirt. I just sat there, stunned for a few seconds. Of course we got a good laugh out of it and I learned a very valuable lesson!

      April 7th, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    74. RubiaLala says:

      Oh, my, gosh. That is freaking hysterical. I love that you decided you liked him then. Like before you weren’t sure how things would turn out between the two of you.

      April 7th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    75. Antique Mommy says:

      Yes, it was touch and go for awhile. I wasn’t sure we would be able to keep him on. 🙂

      April 7th, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    76. bee says:

      My hubby learned only a month or so ago, not to try to teach the letter “P” while undressing our 21 month-old for his bath. It was a strange and comical coincidence!

      April 7th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    77. Jennifer says:

      My son peed into his own MOUTH. We were at the pediatrician’s for a check-up and as soon as I took his diaper off, he let out a wail and arched that yellow stream DIRECTLY into his mouth. It was so funny that the doctor and I laughed for a few seconds before covering him up.

      April 8th, 2008 at 4:03 am

    78. jennyonthespot says:

      Great story! 867-5309 got me to come visit… My son peed in arcs as well, but it was my 2nd child (a girl) who astounded me, and made me proud… We had a “test nurse” who I allowed to change her diaper. No kidding…. the nurse had to get like 5 new diapers and change her own clothes by the end of it. My girl was basically sayin’, “No you didn’t just let a “test nurse” practice on me!” That nurse will never forget… nor will I.

      April 8th, 2008 at 2:17 pm

    79. Stacey says:

      I just had to come over from JenGi’s blog (86753oh9) and read this post! It’s been many years, but our first experience with this ….ahem…issue, is still fresh in our minds! It must be some sort of rite of passage, idk. I’ll be back, Jen isn’t ever wrong about good blogs!

      April 8th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    80. Iota says:

      If your baby has vomited over his pyjamas and all his bedding, when you have cleaned up and changed everything, put down lots and lots of towels. He will vomit again. Still put down lots and lots of towels. Repeat. There is no point putting a vomiting baby in clean pyjamas and clean bedding (especially not if the bedding is on your own bed) and expecting it to stay clean.

      I learnt this the hard way over many years.

      April 8th, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    81. Tara says:

      Mom of three boys. I know what you’re talking about. 🙂 Once I was washing curtains at 7:30 in the morning. My darling firstborn son had pooped when his diaper was off with such force that he hit the curtains. They were about 4 feet from the changing table.

      April 10th, 2008 at 11:26 am

    82. Weekend Linkityness « Birth In Joy says:

      […] ~Learning Curve: Hilarious story about a new mommy’s experience with her newborn baby boy. […]

      October 26th, 2008 at 12:10 am

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