And now, I must come clean and confess:
True – I AM a member of the DAR. Thanks to my mother and her wicked research skills. John Upton, an ancestor on my mother’s side, came to America from England in the early 1700s. He had thirteen children. Another ancestor, Hans Michael Goodnight, came to America also in the early 1700s from the Alsace-Lorraine area along the French and German border. Hans had 24 children altogether. He wore out one wife and then got him another. Apparently, I did not inherit the fertility gene that makes our family tree so leafy. Either that or as I have suspected all along, I’m adopted.
True – I DID sit on the lap of Chet Atkins. As someone pointed out, who would make something like that up? Back in the mid-90s, I was the editor of a little college newspaper and “Mr. Guitar” performed at the school. I interviewed him and in doing so, he playfully pulled me onto his lap like a slightly overly-friendly grandpa and someone snapped a picture which I can no longer locate. My mother was there and she will vouch for my brush with fame/minor molestation. Mr. Atkins has since passed away, but that man could play guitar like no other, Clapton included, and it was just an astonishing thing to witness him work that guitar.
True – I DO wear a size 6 shoe, sometimes a 6.5, depending upon the shoe and how much pizza I’ve eaten lately. Some of y’all said you were under the impression that I am tall. Do I write tall? I am 5’4 which makes me inconveniently too tall to wear petite-size pants and too short to wear regular pants without 3-inch heels. I know. Are you weeping for my suffering? Here’s a picture of me sleeping in my itty bitty shoe. Aren’t my camera and I amusing?
False – If you guessed #4, you were right. I am NOT related to Laura Bush as far as I know, but wouldn’t mind if I were. I think she is lovely. I admire and am fascinated by all the first ladies, no matter their political affiliation. I AM however a distant relative of Harry S. Truman. I am not related to any of the current presidential candidates, including Ralph Nader.
True – I DID graduate from college summa cum laude and I only bring this up because there are so few opportunities to do so. It turns out that no one really cares. And what did I get in exchange for all my hard work? This medal and a piece of paper, on the bottom of which is printed in teeny tiny nearly transparent letters: summa cum laude. But just for the record, I don’t blame you for doubting my GPA. Based on the kind of stuff I write about here, I wouldn’t have believed me either. In spite of being educated and an above average speller I sometimes spell words wrong not on purpose. Thank goodness I have the world wide web to point it out.
True – I DID have dinner with Ralph Nader once. Mr. Nader came to speak at the school I was attending. I had a pre-speech meal with him along with a few others and then I had the privilege of introducing him to the audience. He is exactly in person as he is in public — the kind of guy who wears a Timex and gets his hair cut at Super Cuts. I believe that unlike many other politicians, he thinks nothing of himself or the things of this world, but genuinely has a heart for the welfare of the American public. But I probably still won’t vote for him. Sorry Ralph.
And the Sean-selected winner among those who did not doubt my shoe size, GPA, celebrity encounters or DAR status is Quirky who writes Quirky Is A Compliment! Yay Quirky!
Quirky, my people will be in touch with your people about your “prize”.