It’s All True, Except That One Part

Apparently, some of y’all think I’m a blunt-brained blonde with no pedigree and big feet. It’s not true.  My feet aren’t big.


And now, I must come clean and confess: 


True – I AM a member of the DAR. Thanks to my mother and her wicked research skills.  John Upton, an ancestor on my mother’s side, came to America from England in the early 1700s. He had thirteen children.  Another ancestor, Hans Michael Goodnight, came to America also in the early 1700s from the Alsace-Lorraine area along the French and German border. Hans had 24 children altogether.  He wore out one wife and then got him another.  Apparently, I did not inherit the fertility gene that makes our family tree so leafy. Either that or as I have suspected all along, I’m adopted.


True  – I DID sit on the lap of Chet Atkins.  As someone pointed out, who would make something like that up? Back in the mid-90s, I was the editor of a little college newspaper and  “Mr. Guitar” performed at the school.  I interviewed him and in doing so, he playfully pulled me onto his lap like a slightly overly-friendly grandpa and someone snapped a picture which I can no longer locate. My mother was there and she will vouch for my brush with fame/minor molestation.  Mr. Atkins has since passed away, but that man could play guitar like no other, Clapton included, and it was just an astonishing thing to witness him work that guitar.


an old woman lived in a size 6 shoeTrue – I DO wear a size 6 shoe, sometimes a 6.5, depending upon the shoe and how much pizza I’ve eaten lately.  Some of y’all said you were under the impression that I am tall.  Do I write tall?  I am 5’4 which makes me inconveniently too tall to wear petite-size pants and too short to wear regular pants without 3-inch heels.  I know. Are you weeping for my suffering? Here’s a picture of me sleeping in my itty bitty shoe. Aren’t my camera and I amusing?


False – If you guessed #4, you were right.  I am NOT related to Laura Bush as far as I know, but wouldn’t mind if I were. I think she is lovely.  I admire and am fascinated by all the first ladies, no matter their political affiliation.  I AM however a distant relative of Harry S. Truman.  I am not related to any of the current presidential candidates, including Ralph Nader.


grad girlTrue – I DID graduate from college summa cum laude and I only bring this up because there are so few opportunities to do so. It turns out that no one really cares.  And what did I get in exchange for all my hard work?  This medal and a piece of paper, on the bottom of which is printed in teeny tiny nearly transparent letters:  summa cum laude  But just for the record, I don’t blame you for doubting my GPA.  Based on the kind of stuff I write about here, I wouldn’t have believed me either.  In spite of being educated and an above average speller I sometimes spell words wrong not on purpose.  Thank goodness I have the world wide web to point it out.  


True – I DID have dinner with Ralph Nader once.  Mr. Nader came to speak at the school I was attending.  I had a pre-speech meal with him along with a few others and then I had the privilege of introducing him to the audience.  He is exactly in person as he is in public — the kind of guy who wears a Timex and gets his hair cut at Super Cuts.  I believe that unlike many other politicians, he thinks nothing of himself or the things of this world, but genuinely has a heart for the welfare of the American public.  But I probably still won’t vote for him.  Sorry Ralph.


And the Sean-selected winner among those who did not doubt my shoe size, GPA, celebrity encounters or DAR status is Quirky who writes Quirky Is A Compliment! Yay Quirky!


Quirky, my people will be in touch with your people about your “prize”. 

35 thoughts on “It’s All True, Except That One Part

  1. You post at some crazy hours, lady!

    *sigh!* I graduated Cum Laude, and was so proud at the time, and got the same dumb medal. Nobody in the real world cared, and it never got me either a decent job or a decent salary. And it turns out I can be pretty darn dopey sometimes, too!

  2. Congrats, Quirky. I was so wrong! Sorry for doubting your petite feet. I, and oddly enough, more and more people my age, wear size 10. Guess it’s for balance for all the sports or something. 😉

  3. I was right! Woo-hoo.

    “Do I write tall?” I guess you must. You definitely write funny. That cracked me up.

  4. I feel your pain, for I too, am vertically challenged. In fact, we are the exact same height. I have to be careful of the pants that I buy, b/c most of the time cute, snazzy things like capris, make me look like Spongebob Squarepants.

  5. No, no, no…AM. I have the big feet. When I was training for the marathon I was wearing a Size 11 running shoe and a Size 10 regular. I usually wear somewhere between a 9 and 10. I still say there’s difference between NOT having Size 6 feet…and big feet. Say…a Size 7. Or 6 1/2. No way are yours like mine.

  6. I haven’t worn a size 6 shoe since 4th graade! But my ancestors are also from the Alsace region of France. I wonder if we’re related. There were excessive numbers of leaves on my family tree as well.

  7. I always envisioned you tall… Well, if you are only as tall as I am, then you are a seriously skinny little thing. So, instead of a tall, thin blond I guess I have to switch my mental picture to a short perky little blond. Of course, what’s the difference to this short, not little, not blond? Both are envious… Especially when you write so “tall”.

    Still waiting to purchase your first AM book.

  8. Oh yes, yes, yes!!! I am 5′ 3.5″ and have the exact problem you do with pants. SO FRUSTRATING!! Why is it that this one section of women are ignored?? How do you jump three inches in pants? I solve the problem by never ever dressing up and living in Gap jeans in regular length. And there you have it….GAP has deemed my height REGULAR. So there!

  9. You crack me up! And either Chet Atkins was before my time or I am blissfully ignorant of famous guitar players (probably both) because I misread his name and thought he was a chef, then I was impressed that a chef could play better than Clapton, then I finally got it.

    You’ve probably guessed correctly by now that I did NOT graduate summa sum laude, but you’ll be glad to know that I did not think that had anything to do with large Asian wrestlers.

    Does it?

  10. Oh thank you thank you thank you! I don’t think I’ve ever won anything before! A guest post by the famous AM! Nothing this exciting has ever happened to my little blog.

    I take back all the hateful things I said about your little tiny cute feet and your ability to hobnob with/sit on famous people. It was jealousy talking.


  11. I’ve always pictured you as tall too (and because of that, my “false” guess would have been the shoe size).

    I always kind of admire the first ladies too. They sure have to deal with a lot of junk without getting much credit for it.

  12. Darn… I always thought you and Laura had the same eyes. Well it was worth the guess!

    Congrats to Quirky! You’ve got the prize indeed!

  13. Oh and I didn’t know what DAR was… my bad at picking Darling International Inc. (DAR) from the stock market… Hey, you’re always saying that you don’t know much about money – only about how to spend it. 🙂

  14. Just now,AD was looking at my post on his computer and Sean was sitting in his lap. AD shows him the picture of Memaw and me and says “Sean, isn’t she pretty?” Seans says, “Yes, Memaw is pretty. Why does mommy have cardboard on her head?”

    No. Respect.

  15. My father’s paternal side is from Alsace-Lorraine. My father believes (and my mother heartily concurs)that this particular German-French history and cultural combination produced the most stubborn people on the planet. Does this fit with your experience,too? =)

  16. As tall as your ceilings are, I figured tall people must inhabit the rooms! Now I have to change my whole perception of you…

  17. You hit on a key issue – being 5′ 31/2″ish it’s very hard to find pants! Petites are always too short, and regulars are always too long. Why, oh, why is it so hard to find clothes? We’re not that abnormal are we? (Ok, maybe I should re-word that question…)

  18. AM, I am jealous of your shoe size. I am 5’4″ also and wear a size 8 – how that happened, I do not know!
    P.S. cardboard on your head? That Sean’s a corker. 🙂

  19. I’m 5’4″ and wear a size 8 (shoe, that is…my butt is a bit larger than an 8…sigh)…and I haven’t really thought of it as a big shoe size…therefore, I still contend that a size 6 shoe is for a HOOF, I tell you! A TINY TINY HOOF! Every shoe is adorable in a size six! How do you balance yourself of those itty bitty things?? =)

  20. I’m quite envious of Quirky, but I do send out my congratulations to her, nonetheless.

    You are a most fascinating person, Antique Mommy!

  21. I graduated summa cum laude, too, and, although the distinction is included on my diploma and resume’, I’ve never had opportunities to use it either. Oh well, maybe we can be happy solely because we achieved the honor.

    Congratulations to Quirky!

  22. The little lady who lived in a shoe…..nice picture. Now I have a totally new perception of that book.

  23. That’s hilarious. I thought you were tall, too. Dunno why. Just … seemed like you’d be taller than I am. But, you’re not.

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