My Stupid Memoir

I don’t know who Mylie Cyrus is. Why would I? I’m not a ten-year-old girl nor do I have one living in my house.  What I know about her, was thrust upon me by my home page browser which recently announced (cue trumpets) – she is writing her memoirs.  


I leaned into the computer screen to get a closer look at this Mylie person.  It turns out that she is 15.  I’m sure she’s a remarkable young lady and all having worked so hard at being born to someone semi-famous, but really, what memories and wisdom can one have possibly accumulated at age 15?


Here’s an example of what my memoir at age 15 would look like:


I was born.  Nothing happened until I was two.


When I was two I discovered that my brothers hate me. Their lives were ruined the day I was born.  I had found my purpose in life.


Age 3-5:  The Stupid Years With A Side Of Brothers.  During these golden years, I spent most of my time imitating the stupid stuff my brothers were doing like jumping bikes off homemade ramps and seeing how long you could hold a firecracker before it went off.  Sometimes I made up my own stupid stuff which usually involved the creative use of scissors.


Age 6-9:  The Stupid Years With A Side of Barbie

These years mostly consisted of playing Barbie and fighting and making up with my two neighborhood friends Kim and Cheryl.  When I wasn’t fighting and making up with Kim and Cheryl, I was fighting and not making up with my brothers.  It was during this time that I made my brother Jim so mad he threw a wrench and hit me squarely on the nose, which come to think of it, kind of explains a few things.  During these years, I spent most of my intellectual property wondering if the nuns wore underwear.


Age 10-15:  The Stupid Years With A Side of Puberty

Take one artsy, highly sensitive young girl and throw in a surge of estrogen and you’ve got enough stupid to write a book.  Hey maybe that’s where Mylie got the idea.


Age 48 and Beyond: Still stupid after all these years, but now with a baby on my hip.

51 thoughts on “My Stupid Memoir

  1. Mylie Cyrus is writing her memoirs? Well now I have my summer ’09 reading picked out….Surely it will be part of Oprah’s book club.

    Seriously, who told her this was a good idea?

  2. I hear lots about Mylie aka Hannah Montana (does she spell it with an h or not?). But then I have both 10 and an 11 year old daughters. The 11 year old has recently declared that she’s beyond that now. (But then again she might really be 12 or who knows how much older—some internationally adopted kids come with unknown birth dates.)

    I even had to feel slightly sad that ALL the friends were going to the Mylie/Hannah concert when they were nearby. (Even that turned out not to be entirely true—maybe all but one.)

    By the time I was 15, I had lots of stories that North American kids (that weren’t living in Africa) would have found fascinating—but I wouldn’t have had any perspective to write them down. And since all my friends were in Africa, too—-we didn’t think they were anything unusual. Mine weren’t nearly as good as some of the classmates because I was home schooled me in 3rd grade. I didn’t get to live in the hostel with the other kids when bullets became lodged in the walls during the revolution.

  3. I know it’s hard to believe, but I was an even bigger dork back then than I am now. Not something that I really want to share with the world. Dorky now is quirky. Dorky then was just dorky.

  4. I wonder what she’s going to think about her memoir when she gets really old, you know, like, like 20…

    I reacted to your e-mail as a challenge to write a poem about raining hair. I very unimaginatively posted it as a comment on your yesterday’s post. Thought I’d better mention it otherwise the poor poem would die all alone!

  5. I don’t know AM. I’m not sure what Mylie Cyrus has to offer, but at 15 I think I could have written a pretty good memoir. To quote Bob Dylan “Ah, I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now”.

  6. Loved you memoir! I think we lived about the same life, except I only had one brother and he was younger so he imitated the stupid stuff that *I* did. Good example – “hey, let’s see what happens when you put dishsoap in the fishtank!”

  7. I didn’t even know how to spell when I was 15… well… now I have firefox spell checker… so… nothing. Nevermind.

    I wouldn’t write a book then, or now. If I’d had written it then, I’d probably be embarrased about it now.

  8. Stupid is a stupid does… at least that’s the motto I’ve live by for years, even without the help of Forrest Gump.

    Yeah, I could right a book of all the bratty/stupid/foolish stuff I’ve done, but I’d have to do it in volumes; I don’t have the time for it now. Besides, I think I’ve used a lot of my good material on the blog already. No one would buy my book when they could get it for free off the web…

  9. My memoir when I was 15 would have been called, “Homemade Clothes: A Story of Oppression” or something similar. Maybe, “When I Move Out, Who Will Do The Dishes”?

    I was such a brat.

  10. Gee AM, I can understand Mylie writing a book. She is pulling in millions of dollars as Disney’s hottest property right now. Her Hannah Montana concerts are sold out way in advance and scalpers are getting outrageous amounts for their tickets. The best part is that she is a squeeky clean, Christian girl and the teeny boppers are enthralled with her, instead of Britany, Paris or the Olsen twins. Perhaps, she will tell kids that you can have it all and still be decent.

  11. Yes, I’m sure Miley has so much wisdom and life experience to write “memoirs”, you know, lots of down-to-earth content…:rolling eyes:…..oh brother.

    Hmmmm, Kacey- I don’t know if you were tongue in cheek with your comment, but didn’t Britney, Jessica and whats-her-face also project “squeaky-clean” to their teenage fans once upon a time? Seems to me Britney even had prayer meeting before her stripping/snake act onstage. Yeah. Worked out well.

    I’m just so disgusted by the cultural money-making stuff it’s hard to even find humor. Maybe when I stop gagging.

  12. Lighten up! Mylie isn’t writing this for you guys! It’s for her preteen fans who will probably be thrilled to learn about the first 15 years of Mylie’s life. Wondering if teen pregnancy and Red Bull are far behind is unfair. What does everyone have against this kid??

  13. God save us from Hannah Montanna. For a while, I thought it was okay, because the show really isn’t as bas as some I’ve seen. They do try to teach a “lesson” on each episode, so it could be worse.

    And, I’d rather have my kids listening to that than say..emo/grunge/death metal.

    But suddenly, that girl is everywhere. It’s disconcerting when people, especially young people, are turned into commodities.

  14. Lighten up! Mylie isn’t writing this for you guys! It’s for her preteen fans who will probably be thrilled to learn about the first 15 years of Mylie’s life. Wondering if teen pregnancy and Red Bull are far behind is unfair. What do some of you have against this kid??

  15. Funny post. I’ve actually thought of writing a book (to my daughter) about my teen years. Nothing wild and crazy, just a remembering the mountains as the molehills they really were.

  16. I doubt you’re stupid. You’re a blogger! 😉

    I’m sure a publisher with dollar signs in his eyes approached her to write a book purely for the profit motive.

  17. We don’t have cable or whatever it is these days, so Miss Montana never comes to our house. My 7 year old daughter has recently become aware that whatever store we are in is plastered with Hannah Montana gear, clothes, snacks, pajamas, and anything with a space large enough to put her likeness. She thinks she must be the only person on the planet who doesn’t know who Hannah Montana is. And she is OK with that. Me, too.

  18. I’m with Kate — thus far, I’m all about Miley Cyrus — finally, someone who has her clothes on that my daughter can listen to her music!! And, if her memoirs tell the story of how you can keep your sanity and morals AND make mega-trillions of dollars in the process, I’m first in line buying the book!

    Not knowing anything about her, AM, I get your point — no, my 15- year-old memoirs would have been hilarious. But this is just another spoke in the wheel that is the marketing genius behind Miley Cyrus — and it WILL be a NY Times best-seller. Mark my words.

  19. Goodness. Most 15 year olds I know use the phrase “really, really” a lot.

    I really, really want to go to the movie. I really, really want a new purse. So Miley can really, really sell a lot of books!

  20. Y’all, I don’t know who Mylie Cyrus is. I don’t know or care if she’s a Christian or a chipmunk. I have no opinion of her. I just think the idea of writing a memoir at age 15 is a little ridiculous.

  21. I’m ancient if Mommy is an Antique. Okay so she writes her memoirs no big deal in fact my kids were writing and booking at 4th grade level it was part of the deal being in the public school system, seems they want to know everything about you.Only thing is my kids didn’t make money on their memoirs but it is now part of our family genealogy. So pen to paper start writing kiddos.

  22. Yes, when I saw this announcement on my SBC homepage, I thought, “Well, to WRITE one’s memoirs, one must have something to remember. . .that everyone else wants to hear.”

  23. Maybe it would be a good idea for Kate and Sarah S to read the news today about the pictures circulating of Mylie showing off her bra and laying all over a boy – this after the ones a few months ago of her doing the same things.

  24. When I was 15, I was a big dumdum, but I thought I knew everything.

    Now that I’m older, I’m still a big dumdum, I’m just smart enough to know it.

    That’s what I’ve learned in 48 years.

  25. Dear Dear AM you are no dumdum (stupid has been a word no longer used in public schools) long story. To Faerylandmom we never know how many moons we will be given!! Pen to Paper one and all its one way history will not be rewritten. Life is a lesson learned.

  26. Ditto Fiddledeedee! AM, you definitely have a story to tell, and I know it is one people would want to hear. Hey, you could write your memoirs but spruce it up with some fiction. This time around you can relive it however you please and make even that much more exciting.

  27. Dear AM here is my public apology for my poor comment (stupid has been a word no longer used in public schools) I was wrong to make reference to any words you chose to use.Yes you are an adult and not in school.I meant to cause no ill will. Use any words you like I will still stop by to read your blog. But I will keep my fingers still. God Bless

  28. Actually, I’m waiting in line for The “Antique Mommy” Book that I know is forthcoming. You can’t write this well and not be part Erma Bombeck and part Maya Angelou. You don’t kid us with the stupid act, Smarty!

  29. I too wondered, “what is she thinking?” I read on that she wants to encourage girls and women worldwide to be all that they can be. Or something like that. You
    gotta love the unblemished optimism of the really young.

  30. Yeah, I think “memoir” may have been a poor choice in wording. If she’s got something positive to say, then go for it! Maybe her marketing folks and/or the press could have called it an “inspirational look at her road to fame.” Gosh, I missed my calling! 🙂

  31. Sorry, I got so caught up in my obvious talent for “spin” that I forgot to compliment you on your 15 year memoir… I was totally inspired!

  32. As a bookseller, I can tell you that the selection of memoirs/biographies of interest to middle school children is quite limited. Many teachers require a book report in this genre, and both parents and reluctant readers get very frustrated. So, if she inspires a child to devour a book, more power to her. As the parent of a ten year old fan, I’m okay with it as well. She could do a lot worse.

  33. Ha – I love your categories. Fighting and making up with my childhood best friends took up approximately 50% of my waking hours.

  34. First, I must say that I absolutely love your blog and have been a lurker on it for a very long time. I am also a girl of fifteen years old and I felt like responding to this post on my own blog by writing my own memoirs in your style. My mum doesn’t allow me to get comments on my blog, but I would really appreciate you popping over to have a look anyway and perhaps you could even reply to me here, on your blog :).
    Here’s the link to my post:
    Thanks for looking, if you do, and keep on churning out the great entries here! 🙂
    ~ Bella

  35. Hi Bella – Responding to you here as you requested. First off, I didn’t leave a comment on your blog because you say your mum doesn’t allow it, even though your blog is set up to receive comments. Maybe you should turn comments off?

    Second of all, when I was 15 I would have been offended by my post too because I thought I was wise. It turns out I was wrong. Boy was it embarrassing when I finally figured that out! I am still not wise, it’s just that now I know it.

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