We are not a co-sleeping family. It’s just not what works for us. But I will admit there are times when I think it would be so very nice if we were. There are times when I still want to hold my baby close to my heart as I did when he was an infant. I want to look into his sleeping face and listen to him breathe. These sweet and uncomplicated days, they are waning. Too quickly they fly away into the star encrusted galaxy, into forever and beyond.
Lately, Sean will wake up about 5:30 and come get in bed with us. The gentle jingle jingle of Mr. Monkey announces the arrival of our visitor. He tip toes to Antique Daddy’s side of the bed. Without a word, he throws a leg over and then clambers over him before wriggling down under the covers between us and falling back to sleep. Shortly thereafter, I usually get up and enjoy that first cup of coffee and 30 minutes of a peaceful, sound-effects free house.
Wednesday morning, I sat at my desk with my coffee and listened to the rain patter against the kitchen window as I worked on a writing project. When I looked up again, I was astonished to see that it was nearly 8am. The house was still dark. A storm grumbled quietly off in the distance. Sean should be up by this time, eating breakfast and getting dressed. We would be late for school. Again. I made my way to my bedroom to get him up and going.
In a tangle of sheets and legs and arms, they were folded into the other, like an unopened flower. I stood there for several minutes, watching them sleep, their breathing, synchronized and as steady and even as the rain that was falling against the windows. I wondered if their dreams intersected in some unknown and secret place. I thought of how they are linked together for all eternity through me.
I could not make myself disturb them. I did not want to send this moment hurling off into the galaxy.
There will be plenty of school days in his life, but the days when he can nestle into the protective curve of his daddy’s arm and dream little boy dreams are too few now.
I backed out of the room and quietly shut the door.
School was cancelled that day due to snuggling.