Always Real

This Post Is Rated PG-48

If there is one thing I would rather do without my child, besides use the restroom and sleep, it would be go to the grocery store.

When I’m alone, I kind of like going to the grocery store. It’s kind of relaxing to me. I like to mosey and look at all the food and do character studies of my fellow shoppers. As I’m typing that sentence just now I realize just how incredibly dull I am and why we never get invited to parties. Nonetheless, it is so.

Anyway, today I had to make a trip to the store for a few things and I had Sean with me. Unfortunately the length of my grocery list was slightly longer than the length of his interest and patience combined.

So that we might get our shopping done and out of the store without one or the other of us being sent to time out, I allowed him to “drive” the cart – which I knew was a mistake, but I was desperate. And hopeful. Desperate to get my shopping done and hopeful that this might just be the one time he could push the cart without running over my foot or ramming me in the butt with it.

But no. Of course not.

After he had run over my foot, sideswiped an electric car lady and then bumped me headlong into a display of pork and beans which I nearly knocked over, I had a strong word with him and told him he was being careless and naughty and it had to stop NOW or he would NEVER push a grocery cart as long as he lived which MIGHT not be very long if he runs over my foot again. And he knows when I start talking in capital letters that I mean business.

After a few minutes passed and my blood pressure returned to normal, I cleared the air by asking him if he was still my boyfriend.

“Yeah," he sighed, "I’m your boyfriend – your naughty boyfriend.”

“No,” I said under my breath, “That would be your father.” (insert dirty old French man laugh).

45 thoughts on “This Post Is Rated PG-48

  1. Snicker, snicker! Reminds me of the other day when my 3-year-old daughter had me trying on the high-heels from my closet, including the suede purple FMPs my husband likes me to put on. When I went to take them off, she yells “No, no, no, don’t take them off, leave them on!” Just what my husband would say . . (and I believe a Van Halen song, as well).

  2. My ankles still tingle in grocery stores. They remember all the times they were slammed by my children “driving” the grocery cart behind me. The kids would remember I was there in front for about 1.4 seconds…and then would be diverted by Captain Crunch. Slam.

  3. LOL

    At least I am not the only sad person who enjoys wandering around supermarkets!

    On our last trip to USA I really enjoyed looking at all the differences between our products. Just 2 words that divide our nations – breakfast cereal!

  4. I do NOT take my kids to the grocery store if at all possible, which ends up being about 20% of the time, alas.
    Sometimes my kids are great at the store and I get comments on how well-behaved they are. And sometimes my kids are AWFUL in the store and I can’t believe I took them to the grocery store. Why, why, why…did I? Thanks for the laughs!

  5. You know that my kids are older — and I sometimes wish I had some company walking through the grocery store but can’t get anyone to come with me. Even if I promise them a donut! 🙁

  6. I do not think I have ever brought my kiddos along while I grocery shopped. I do not particularly care fore grocery shopping, though, so that is usually hubby’s job. He does take the kids, though.

  7. My 13-year-old still likes to go to the grocery store with me, but that is only because she is afraid I will not get the things she likes if I go by myself!!! But she is also a good helper, because she will get things for me on low shelves that are too hard for me to bend down to reach with my back problems.
    Love the comment about the naughty boyfriend!!! LOL!!!

  8. Sop funny! I saw a card in Target just the other day for a husbands birthday. The front said to my husband and my best friend. The inside…and my naughty naughty mattress monkey! I laughed so loud I thought the people on the other side of the store heard me.

  9. lmao this cracked me up – from the capitol letters to the “naughty boyfriend” brilliant – as for the liking to grocery shop when alone – oh yeah, same here for sure. It’s almost therapeutic.

  10. Naughty boyfriend… that is hilarious! I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking coffee at the computer this morning! I like to grocery shop alone, too.

  11. “dirty old French man laugh”. Hilarious!
    “talking in capital letters”. Brilliant!

    I’m going to start saying to my kids, “Do you want me to start talking in capital letters? OK, then. Cut it out!”

  12. I used to LOVE grocery shopping… Until the prices went through. the. roof. and I actually have to LOOK at the prices now.

    sigh.

  13. Don’t recall which book this was from: A family accidentally left one of the boys at a rest stop on a family trip.

    When they finally realized he was missing, they had to drive a long way back and it was dark when they arrived.

    The father, totally flustered, goes in to look for his son. A girl standing by the door asks, “Hey Mister, you looking for a naughty little girl?”

    Completely engrossed in his search, the man responds, “No, I’m looking for a naughty little boy.”

    …your post reminded me of that. [smile]

    I too will need to start threatening with talking in CAPITAL LETTERS! Love it.

    ~Luke

  14. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    I love to take the kids (8 and 5) grocery shopping – yes, I just typed that out loud 😉 They love to run up the aisles and get what’s on the list . . . and my little Dude is, um, frugal like his father . . . so he always looks for the best deal (which I’m far too lazy to do!)

  15. Funny! I love going to the grocery store alone also. But the ultimate in solo shopping is going to Target by myself…heaven! 🙂

  16. My children are banned from the grocery store. (Er, not by the store, just by mom.) That’s my me time – I like to take my IPOD and just shuffle around humming. My husband never understands why it takes me an hour and a half to buy $100 worth of groceries. :>

  17. i was recently teased for being “SUCH a MOM” because food shopping alone was a treat – “me” time, as others said.
    my (childless) friend thought me a sad sight that a “chore” involving food was a treat for me; in her opinion i should be going to the spa (weekly?) or napping in the sun for pleasure.
    my, how we change with children!

  18. that’s hilarious!! i’m with you on the “alone time” at the grocery store. our market has a Starbucks inside it so the ultimate treat for me is a stack of coupons, my starbucks coffee and an hour to peruse the groceries at my leisure. 🙂

    Beth B. (mommy to a busy nearly-5 yr old)

  19. For the record, I would put you on the top of my list for party invites. I find you fun, delightful and the perfect conversationalist. So there.

    I had one of those days with The Boy yesterday. He looked so forlorn after using all my capital letters, I had to ask him if he knew that I really did love him. He sighed a yes, but I’m still debating on his truthfulness…

  20. I like to mosey through Central Market. Wal Mart, the bain of my existence, not so much. The last time I was there a fudge sickle had melted all over the area where the carts were housed. Nasty. Sticky.

    Wal Mart with a naughty boyfriend might be fun though.

  21. Ooh la la baby……that was hilarious. What is so sad is that we go to the grocery by ourselves and enjoy the alone time at freakin Walmart!!!!!!!

  22. Oh my goodness, that is so funny!!!!

    Now to return the favor, stop over to my place and read some of Lauren’s adventures today.

    Hope your having a good summer. I’ve been so busy, I’ve missed you.
    Sue

  23. I give you a nomination for “Patron Saint of Shopping”
    Naughty or Nice a great lead in for the Christmas Season,just a few days away (come September)UGH!!Then we shall say-LetThe Shopping Commence!Yes even in the grocery store.
    Speak in a whisper they(children)hear more of what you have to say, I don’t know why it works but it does!!
    Nothing better than a four year old naughty boyfriend!! Well maybe a_____ (fill in the blank.)

  24. That is great! I love the things kids say! Just today my 18 yo cracked me up! He said “Yesterday I found the least expensive place to get naked.” And he was just so proud of his find. He was talking about the new fruit drink called Naked. LOL I was busting a gut! Apparently getting Naked is sometimes expensive.

  25. Oh, I remember going to the grocery store to ‘get a couple of things’ when Dayna was little. Bill worked nights, so when he came home in the morning I’d ‘run an errand’. I would go up and down every aisle, read every greeting card and go through most of the magazines! lol I’d come home with one or two things and Bill would wonder what took me so long. He finally caught on, though. lol

  26. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!!

    ROTFL.

    I must say, it’s nice to read about Sean being naughty. Sometimes he seems a little bit perfect. ;o)

  27. Oh no Jenni, he’s got too much of his mother in him to be perfect. We have our days when we go round and round. He can be a pill just like any kid, but he’s not a brat and at the core of matters, he’s a good boy.

  28. “Naughty boyfriend” too funny. Where do kids pick up these things!?

    When my kids were little, I gave my husband an ultimatum when it came to the grocery store and housekeeping. He could either help out, with kids underfoot, or he could take the kids out for the day of father-child bonding, and I’d pleasantly do it all myself. Guess what he picked? It was pure bliss to clean and shop by myself. Pure bliss!

  29. Soo sweet! I loved walking around in the grocery store or the fabric store without my kiddos. Zoning out, just looking at products and colors. Today though, I would like to go back to the grocery store with mine. Just once. Argue over cookies that appear in the cart. Pretend I’m being talked into popsicles. Sigh. I’m missing my little ones who are much too big now. Except they still like cookies when they come home for a visit.

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