Not too long ago when we were on vacation, while my husband and child slept I went down to the hotel’s self-serve breakfast area and had a cup of coffee and worked on some writing. It was about 6am. I like to get up early. It’s when I do my best thinking and I enjoy this time to myself when normal people are sleeping.
I hadn’t been writing too long when another gal comes in. She gets herself a cup of coffee and plops down at a nearby table, but instead of pulling out her laptop or even the local newspaper, she pulls out her cell phone.
And then I overhear this:
“Hey are you ready for a cup of coffee? It’s 6:30. I know I’m an hour early, but I thought I’d give you a ring.”
I laughed to myself just thinking of the possible responses she might have gotten to that question. But I’ll bet you can come up with something better.
Leave me your best response to this question (try to keep it PG-13 please, my mom reads this blog) and I’ll choose the one that most amuses me and send you a copy of the New York Times bestseller I Like You, Hospitality Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris.
That’s how much I like YOU, because I really wanted to keep this book for myself.
So amuse me. And because I like to be coy and mysterious, I’ll choose a winner some time this week, just as soon as the mood strikes me.
Mary says:
( in my best voice disguise) Who IS this? You got the wrong number lady!
Then I would hang up and turn off/uplug the phone.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Courtney says:
i would honestly say Yes, but do this again and Ill kill you. The threat would be joking because it would most likely be my best friend calling me. I can only hope that we will someday have morning coffee chats and be friends when we are older (we are only 21 right now)
I hope that last part doesn’t make you feel old, i love your blog!
August 17th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Jenn @ Casa de Castro says:
I’d say, “No speaka da English” and then hang up. No clocks I own HAVE 6:30 a.m. on them.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Jill says:
“I’ll be somewhat tied up for about 40 minutes. Give me a call back around 7:15.”
August 18th, 2008 at 12:14 am
chickadee says:
it would never happen to me. i always turn my ringer off before i go to bed just because of things like that.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Mimi says:
I would probably just say “uh uh”, and keep right on sleeping. Phone to hear and let her talk. Everyone knows that I am so not a morning person, but then no one seems to remember that!
August 18th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Karen {simply a musing blog} says:
“Sure! I’ve been up since 4:30 and have already washed and folded all the laundry, cleaned my refigerator, picked a bushel of apples and made a fresh apple pie. Give me two minutes to grab my coffee and we can chat – I’m ready for a little break…”
August 18th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Diane J. says:
“Would you like a free frontal lobotomy? I’ll be there in an hour, after I sleep some more.”
August 18th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Lexi says:
“There’s never a bad time for coffee! I’ll be right down!”
August 18th, 2008 at 2:25 am
Lexi says:
or….snap to reality…
“Wait, 6:30….AM?”
August 18th, 2008 at 2:26 am
JanMary, N Ireland says:
“No problem, I am awake now anyway. I had to get up to answer the phone!”
August 18th, 2008 at 3:56 am
carolie says:
My response to answering the phone at 6:30 a.m. and hearing that on the other end? I can tell you exactly what it would be (and what it’s been several times in the past, in this exact situation):
“Hi, Mom.”
August 18th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Brigitte says:
Oh, I like Carolie’s!
Mine wouldn’t be funny. I wouldn’t even say anything, just unplug the phone. Though this is assuming I was still asleep, in reality I’m usually up by then!
August 18th, 2008 at 7:08 am
jen says:
I guess since you will just call me back and drive me insane.
August 18th, 2008 at 7:35 am
jj says:
You really thought i’d be happy with you for calling me an hour early. Get this straight friend we said 7:30 and thats what i planned on. THIS IS MY TIME TO START THE DAY OUT WITH MY DEVO AND PRAYER . nOW I HAVE TO TALK TO GOD MORE BECAUSE I JUST BLEW IT BY LOOSING MY COOL WITH YOU. Just give me afew minutes and i will be down to have coffee with you out on the deck.
August 18th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Corey says:
“That ring had better have diamonds!”
(BTW, I already have the book so don’t put me in the running. It is hilarious!!)
Does that sentence make any sense, it actually is 6:30 AM!
August 18th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Heather says:
Hm! I don’t keep a phone in my bedroom. BUT it sounds like she was calling a friend in the hotel? In which case I would have to growl at her. Of course – my BFF KNOWS better to call me that early. In fact she growls at me if I try to call before 10:30~
August 18th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Yvonne says:
Yes, girlfriend – it may be 6:30 where you are, but did you forget that when traveling from Pacific Coast Time to Central Time you gained 2 hours? It’s 4:30 here – call me back in 3 hours, and I’ll forgive you this time…..
August 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Erika says:
Am I ready for a cup of coffee? Sweetheart, you’d better have a swimming pool of coffee waiting for me down there…and some really great news
August 18th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Cyndi says:
How abouta nice steaming cup of shut the heck up!!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Kristin Evans says:
Just let it ring….
August 18th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Jaime says:
She is so not calling a friend. Only newly-in-love people wake each other up at 6:30 AM, an hour earlier than planned. And the “he” on the other end of the phone may have just fallen out of love if he’s not a morning person!!
August 18th, 2008 at 9:08 am
rrmama says:
The sad thing is, I would have been up. But my response had I still be snoozing would be…Hi Mother-In-Law, unless you are calling me to tell me Tropical Storm So-And-So has been upgrade to a catagory 5 and is about to crash into the Texas coast in the next few minutes call back around 10:30AM. The other funny part of this story is that when Hubs and I first got married, MIL really did this and my response wasn’t very nice.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:37 am
A&EMom says:
Why don’t you get that coffee to go so you can take care of this baby you just woke up.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Jeni says:
No one I know gets up that early on vacation.
If it were my family vacation then that someone waking me up would have to be my 3 year old. So it would be more like – (nose to nose, right in my face) “Mommy want to come make me juice? Mommy? MOMMY? MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! I want to get up NOW! Why won’t your eyes open?” (as she’s poking me in the eye and pulling my eyelashes out trying to open my eyes FOR me. She’s a little morning person and I am NOT. 
August 18th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Beck says:
(In my best Jeeves voice)
Madam is currently still enjoying her beauty sleep. Please call back at a decent hour when Madam has fully rested and she will be more than delighted to have coffee with you.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Heidi says:
“Wait. You KNOW it’s 6:30. You KNOW your an hour early, and your STILL calling me?”
Click.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Pat says:
“And no, I don’t have the answer to twelve-down yet!”
August 18th, 2008 at 10:01 am
JustJootie says:
Be right down Early Erma! Chatty Cathy’s been talking in her sleep again … so I’m up.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Kelly @ Wisdom Begun says:
My response would resemble a stunned silence while I decide whether or not to throw the phone across the room. Then . . . “say what????”
August 18th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Kai says:
“I know I said I am “always up for a cup of coffee” but you didn’t have to take me quite so literally.”
August 18th, 2008 at 10:27 am
MrsNehemiah says:
“Huuhh? A ring? does it come with diamonds?”
August 18th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Debbie says:
“Mom. I got married last night, remember? You are SO going to have to get a life of your own now!”
August 18th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Elaine says:
Bring it up to my room and I’ll drool into it for another hour.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:28 am
soleil says:
You’ve gotten some pretty funny responses!
I’d just say “Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me?! When I said I’d meet you at 7:30, I did mean 7:30. I’m going back to sleep. See ya.”
August 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
dallimomma says:
“Do you know what ‘normal’ people do at oh-dark-thirty? They sleep. So I’m gonna give it a try for about an hour or so and I’ll let you know how it goes.”
August 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Jana says:
Since you are up, and you have an extra hour to kill while I shower and get ready for our 7:30 coffee, come on over.
A mountain of clean, wrinkled laundry is waiting for you, and when you’ve finished with that, feel free to unload the dishwasher and clean the bathrooms. By then, I’ll be ready for coffee. And relaxed enough to enjoy it.
I’m so glad you called.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Quirky says:
“I’m sorry, the number you are calling is no longer in service. Please check the number you are trying to reach, and try calling again at 7:30. bee-bee-BEEEP! I’m sorry, the number you are calling…”
Not that I’m really that witty at 6:30am…unless of course I’m still up from the night before. Then I’m hilarious.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Tater Mama says:
In the words of Julia Sugarbaker, “Have you just completely lost your mind?”
August 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
zoom says:
Well… two things that point to the fact that I am a total freak of nature. Number one, I do not own a cell phone, mainly because I just don’t like hearing other’s conversations nor do I think they want to hear mine. My husband does have one of the wretched devices.
Number two, my best friend and I do talk in the early morning hours before the day begins. She is up at 5:00 and I am up by 5:45. We drink coffee and discuss everything from politics to paint colors. She does have a dreaded cell phone, so that easily could have been her…..
August 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Iota says:
Is this a joke, because I’m not actually laughing here.
August 18th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Doris at Threads of Conversation says:
My response: “huh? wha..? Oh, yeah, sure…” and then, no doubt I would drift back to sleep while listening to your neighbor chart on and on…maybe even muttering an inconscious “uh-huh” or “yeah” now and again.
August 18th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Pam says:
Ok, the current time here is almost 1 pm and my brain still hasn’t woken up enough yet to think of a clever answer. Will my mommy brain ever function normally again???
August 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Kimberly says:
“Nope”, click. Fumble with the switch to turn the ringer off.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
denise says:
Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Denise. If you are receiving this message, it must be prior to 7:30am. During this time, I am away from my desk and “assisting other customers”, all of whom are under the age of 5. Once I pour their juice, give them a pre-breakfast snack, take them all to the potty or change their diapers, throw in a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, feed and let out the dog, bring in the newspaper, dress the children and take a shower, I will call you back. Please be aware that this will most likely not occur until after noon. If you need immediate assistance, please call my husband. He’s probably just reading the paper right now.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Jim says:
And what part of 6:30 did you not understand ? If I could reach thru this blasted phone line right now,
you would never be an hour early “anywhere” again!!
OK……I will be there, but you better be buying!
August 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Jim says:
“ooops….I meant what part of 7:30 did you not understand in above reply. Haven’t had my coffee yet!
August 18th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Big Mama says:
To quote the late great Wyatt Earp, “I’m coming. And I’m bringing hell with me.”
August 18th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Tara says:
I think if I got that phone call it would greatly depend on who was on the other end.
Friend or family I don’t see very often: “Sure, let me put on some clothes (and a bra) and I’ll be right down.”
Then I’d have to glare at my husband since I used my “company voice” and he’s looking at me in amazement. Usually at 6:30 he gets the grumpy voice that matches my Grumpy jammies!
(And I don’t have that book, so while I don’t have a very unique answer I’d love to be in the running for it! Thank you!)
August 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Emily says:
…because I have nothing better to do at 6:30 am…
August 18th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Nett says:
I would NOT have answered it. My dear husband would have and he knows better than to hand me the phone, no matter who it is, at that hour. He would graciously de”cline” (funny his name is Cline) the call for me and tell my crazy friend that I’ll have to call her back in a few minutes. He’s wonderful to me like that. Either that, or he’s just protecting the rest of the world:)
August 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Michelle- This One's for the Girls says:
“Hello. You have reached the time and temperature line. The time is 6:30am. The temperature is stinkin’ hot mad at you. Have a nice day.” Click.
August 18th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Cathy says:
This has happened, as this is a G=rated blog I will clean up my question. “So, you finally got him to bed!” I was right, it was the only reason the lunatic would have been calling me at the very crack of dawn at someone elses house, four states a way! Oh, we were all well into middle age when this happened and I was newly widowed!
August 18th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Mitzi says:
“That’s funny, I was just about to call and wake your butt up. I’m about to get on the elevator, I’ll be down in a minute. Do you have my coffee ready?”
Although, I have to say that would probably be me calling and waking someone up “cause I’m just so sweet like that.
August 18th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Jeanne A says:
I haven’t gotten anything better——but my 10 year old daughter was at a sleepover on Saturday night. She called me at 4 am to tell me good night!
August 18th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
LeeAnn says:
I sure hope this is an emergency… If not- it is now!
August 18th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
happy geek says:
If you want me now, I’ll be in the buff. If you prefer to see me clothed, I’ll see you in an hour.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Stephanie says:
“I’d love to, but I don’t get off work for another half hour.”
August 19th, 2008 at 12:31 am
Sue says:
Rolling over and disguising the “You woke me up” voice, “That’s OK. I know you needed to call now or you wouldn’t have.”
August 19th, 2008 at 12:32 am
bonniebeth says:
Okay. Since we came here for the flea market I guess we might as well get started. Be down as soon as I put my contacts in …save me a muffin
August 19th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Heidi says:
“I’ll give YOU a ring…mutter mutter…”
That’s my response. And OH how I would love to own this book! I perused it at a Barnes and Noble back in November. In fact, one of my first blog posts was about how hilarious this book is.
August 20th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Jennette says:
In the shower! Zzzzzt-zzzzzt. Oh, crud! Call you back after I get a replacement phone!
August 20th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Beverlydru says:
Since the early bird gets the worm, you can have the worm but get the coffee ready for me!
I would love to read that book. : )
August 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Smockity Frocks says:
I can’t possibly top these responses, but wanted to tell you the 2 that made me laugh. The one that offered the caller “nice steaming cup of shut the heck up!!”
And the one who refers to herself as “Madam”.
Hilarious!
August 20th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
fern says:
My answer would be “Why yes, I am.”
And then after a lengthy conversation I would say, “do I know you?”
August 20th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Polly says:
Who is this?
August 20th, 2008 at 8:57 pm