Mother’s Day at our church was always about honoring YOUR own mother line (and I know this is also fraught with possible problems) but I found it comforting to think of the good things of my own mother and hers, and to be thankful.

Most of us eventually work towards the Godly resolve you talk about, but it takes time,and in the meantime it doesn’t help to be told, basically to suck it up.

As I read this I thought of a story I heard from a woman in Auschwitz —she said she saw a major difference in people in the attitudes they had toward their own pain and suffering. There were people who, even though they were starving, would give their bread to others. Others complained and stole. There were those who would place themselves in confinement with others with no food or drink. Others who would lie and tell others did things they did not do so they would not have to go into confinement.
I see in your story so much pain. It is a very emotionally charged post and I agree we need to consider others in this place of chidlesssness…but I must say I did not see much godly resolve. It was put to me once when I pitied my circumstances: “Mrs. ‘Babies in heaven’–You are not your feelings, you are your choices.
I see you want to go to church to worship but are very upset when it is not the way you want be, ie. “not on Mothers Day because of_________ or not on this day because of_________.” Name your pain or name what you don’t like. Everyone has a story. We all suffer. You say “I will not cry, I will not cry…” “I” do not like carnations. “I” would not get one. He knew “My” feelings. “I” ran to the parking lot. “I” broke down. There were a lots of “I’s” in that worship service that day. Imagine if Jesus would not want to recognize the resurrection or any day like it because he was rejected by everyone and hung on a cross to suffer and die. What if Jesus said “It is too painful for me to even think about being nailed to the cross and having everyone rejct me so no one else can rejoice becuase I suffered way to much humilation.”
I have had 6 miscarraiges. People say suprising things. They are not trying to be hurtful. I say things I should not, too. I would imagine you do also. What is that age old Christian principle, “forgive as we forgive others and Do not be easily offended”?
A wise woman once told me, “don’t let your affliction become your career”. If we are Christians and we have afflictions, then put them where they belong—in the hands of God. Face it and place it. Quit putting it on people(or churches)to know our every need and pain and to be emotionally sensitive to all of them.
What about learning in spite of ourselves? What about overcoming our circumstances? We need to learn to bear a burden well. What about considering others as above ourselves? How about going and saying to your hurting friend, “Let’s go and get a carnation.” I bet your Pastor would not dissapprove. Keep it if you’d like. Better yet teach this younger woman to pray about who she can bless and give it to…maybe even a mother who has children! Or say,’I’ am going to take a widow to lunch today; do you want to come too? ‘I’ am going to give that mama with 4 kids a hug and a gift certificate for a manicure today. ‘I’ am going to thank that mother that said the silly things to me for raising those children. ‘I’ am going to find a single mother who looks harried and watch her children for her today. ‘I’ am going to bless God regardless of my feelings. ‘I’ am not going to complain because I am not getting want ‘I’ want in my fertility. ‘I’ will be thankful for Pastors who prepare and show up even when everyone is complaining about the topics. Aren’t you glad he doesn’t show up just when he “feels” like it or doesn’t “feel” it. ‘I’ will rejoice with those who have something to rejoice. Here is what is sad to me: After I read the comments, I was very suprised at how everyone was complaining. If we all (those who posted comments here) were to be placed in Auschwitz, I would be scared to be in that concentration camp with alot of these church going commenters who can only consider the pain they will suffer on “that particular day”.

I had hopes of adding one more little one to our family, but a difficult pregnancy and miscarriage last April put an end to this 41 year old mommy’s desire.

I thank you for sharing your feelings. I think a lot of us can relate.

My personal three favorite comments:

“Have you tried standing on your head after – you know ??? – I heard from my forth cousin twice removed on my mother’s aunt’s side that her daughter used the pull of gravity to get preggo – I think she stayed there three days!!! She has 6 kids now you know”

“Did you ever think God doesn’t plan for you to have children so that you can focus on being a better pastors wife and care for the need of the children of our congregation?”

and

“Since you mother briefly considered an abortion when she was expecting you because of her difficult medical condition, you are now being followed by a spirit of abortion and that’s why you cannot conceive!”

Horsefeathers!

It’s true what you say about the “at least” phrase.

I’d never thought that Mother’s Day isn’t a *holy day*. We know how the church values motherhood and the Holy Mother.