I find car horns to be totally useless. I have never once honked a horn and achieved the desired result.
On the rare occasion when I want to use my horn, say when someone is about to back into me in a parking lot, I can’t find it. I’m slamming my fists into the steering wheel hard enough to activate the airbag, but the horn makes not a peep. But the upside is that people tend to not mess with a crazy lady banging her fists on the steering wheel.
The other problem with car horns, at least in my car, is that it is basically a one size fits all noise – angry. I suspect the standard car horn was made by a New York cabbie that got up on the wrong side of the bed.
What we need are car horns with some nuances, some southern charm. Car horns that are all “Hey y’all” and “Bless your heart”. Just think, instead of road rage and drive by shootings, we’d have drive by blessings.
For example, you know when you are behind someone at a stop light and the light turns green and the person ahead of you has obviously zoned out – and really, who among us has not zoned out at a stop light a time or two? You don’t really want to jump their case and blast them with the angry horn, you just want to give them a nudge.
So then, wouldn’t it be nice to have the option of giving them a lyrical little toot toot that said, “Yo! Sistah! The light! It’s green! Bless your heart! Have a nice day!”
However, there are times when something slightly stronger and less lyrical is required, but you still don’t want to use the angry horn. Like on those occasions when you need the guy in the pickup truck in front of you to pull up juuuuust enough so that you could slide over into the turn lane and make that right on red and you know in your heart that he’s not letting you by because he’s got a point to make and he’s going to make it when really, he’s driving a gimonguous pickup truck (in the cityburbs) which says I’m small it all. Anyway — a horn that said, “Dude! Mr. Big Pickup driver! Any chance I could slide past? Bless your heart! Have a nice day!!” That would be ideal, don’t you think?
Of course, it would also be nice to have a horn that conveyed, “It’s that time of the month buster, don’t mess with me, ah am on mah way to BRAUMS!! Bless your heart! Have a nice day! Now get outta the passin’ lane.”
Or how about an “Ooops!” horn? Like when I accidentally honk the horn and then the person in front of me thinks I’m trying to make some sort of point and they give me the smoldery fish eye in the rearview mirror. And then I have to pantomime “Whoops! I’m a horn honking dork! My bad! Silly me! Bless your heart! Have a nice day!”
The upside to that is people tend to get out of the way pantomiming crazy ladies on their way to Braums.