Last week, I took a break from my adventures in home improvement to make a quick trip to Target. My theory was that browsing the dollar bins would relieve the pain that I had in my neck from standing on a ladder and painting the ceiling.
I approached the automatic doors to the building fully expecting them to open as they usually do. In fact, I nearly walked head first into the doors when they didn’t open. So I stood there waiting for them to open trying to figure out what the problem was with the doors. And then I kind of stomped my foot a little, slightly put out that the doors weren’t working and that I might have to go to the trouble to walk three feet to the left and go in through the other doors when I was already standing in front of these doors desperately needing dollar bin relief for my neck.
Then a Target employee came outside and opened the door for me. I wasn’t standing in front of the automatic doors. I was standing front of the regular doors.
I twisted my brain trying to think up a face-saving excuse to offer the Target employee:
“The guy who usually opens doors for me? He’s out sick today.”
“My seeing eye dog is at the vet.”
“When did they move the automatic doors?”
“Thanks a lot. I was trying to open those doors with my mind and you just messed me up!”
“I’m a mime. That was Act I.”
Nothing plausible came to mind, so I just said, “Oh. Thanks.”
* * * * *
Have to add these funny ones Tom left in comments; they cracked me up:
“Took you long enough!”
“And now, you may push my cart.”
“At Piggly Wiggly, you have to say a magic word.”