Always Real, Silliness

What Every Bride Should Know – Take This Test Before Saying I Do

Dear Bride, 

Right now, as you are planning your wedding, you are crazy in love, right?  At least I hope so.  Everything about your man is wonderful and just the thought of him sends your heart soaring.  And even the stuff that is not so wonderful? Well, right now you probably find it quirky and amusing.  But a couple of years from now, there’s a good chance that quirky might not be so amusing.  There’s a real good chance that quirky will morph into its evil twin — A N N O Y I N G

So here’s a little pre-marital test – it’s a story problem but without the math. 

Let’s say your fiance grew up on a horse farm and the first time you go to his apartment you notice that he keeps his saddle in his living room.  You find that sort of quirky and amusing given that most apartments don’t allow horses.  Let’s then say that after the marriage, he brings said saddle into your home and parks it in the closet of your guest room, say for, oh I don’t know, eight years. And he refuses to find it a more suitable home, someplace like, oh I don’t know, anywhere that is not my your closet.  Hypothetically speaking.  Will you still find the saddle quirky and amusing or will you throw the saddle out on the front lawn?  

If you answered that you would throw the saddle out on the front lawn except that you can’t lift it, you should continue planning the wedding because you are an honest woman and honesty is essential to a healthy marriage.  And also be thankful that you yourself don’t have any annoying quirks because gratitude is a good quality too. 

This is the second in a series of What Every Bride Should Know. 

You’re welcome.


Antique Mommy

Oh look. There’s a saddle in my closet. How quirky. And amusing. Hardly noticed it there.

46 thoughts on “What Every Bride Should Know – Take This Test Before Saying I Do

  1. BWAHAHahaa! One of the reasons I’ve never done a blog of my own (besides my sheer laziness, of course): it would basically be a venting blog about hubby’s, and everyone else’s, “quirks”.

  2. I will see your saddle and raise you 20 army uniforms that havent fit for 10 years or more and 3 pair of holey levis he got when he was 16 and again hasnt been able to wear for umpteen years either(we are rapidly pushing 39). He says they have character…I say they could walk to the shed by themselves….but after the debacle when i threw out 30 pair of unmatched worn out socks i just stick em in a chest out of the way and ignore them….
    we are also hanging onto 3 trucks that dont yet run and 4 extra lawnmowers for parts yanno….

  3. Saddle in the living room… Yeah, we horse people are a strange bunch.

    Not that *I* have any annoying quirks.

    Steff, we have a tractor that doesn’t run. But it might someday. If hubby ever learns tractor maintenance. OR, more unlikely, he ever breaks down and asks an expert to fix it.

  4. I’m so glad you don’t tell your husband how annoying he is… I’m the recipient of that at our house… keep one humble, but sometimes it can be tiring. LOL

    Funny Post!

  5. Okay… that is truly annoying and interesting at the same time. I get what you’re saying and after umm… wow, has it been that long? 20 years, I hardly ever notice the saddles, and yes, my nose is getting longer, a la pinocchio. No actual saddles of course, since we’re not actually horse people… but the equivalent exist. I of course am perfectly normal and unquirky ;-).

  6. A S A D D L E in your guest room closet?? Ehh….you are a lightweight!!!! I have 2 1969 cars in my garage that don’t have engines in them. That would be my 2 car attached garage. Soooooo……the vehicles that do have engines and run and we make payments on…..sit outside in the rain and the blistering sun because the 2 rust buckets in the garage will be worth “sumthin” “someday”. And let me just add that my washer and dryer are in the garage in front of these 2 lovelies so I spend lots of time with them. One year(s) someone gave my husband 2 pallets of reclaimed red bricks. Even delivered em for free….right in the driveway. They sat there for over a year. So I finally embraced them and put christmas lights and tinsel on them one year for Christmas. The neighbors razzed my husband so much that by new years they had been moved to the back yard and and installed as a walkway. So….there are ways to get what you want!

  7. I’m glad there was an actual saddle in your post, because the title made me blush.

    * * *

    AD said the same thing. I’m going to change the title to keep the pervs away.

  8. i don’t know what’s funnier, the post or the comments!

    i say, embrace the saddle (andgetitoutofyourcloset…shhh).

    you could replace his chair at the dining room table with it. 😀

    * * * * *

    Put the saddle at the table! Now THAT is funny! The imagery has me cracking up! ~ AM

  9. I don’t have a saddle in my closet, but I do have a set of skis and all the accompanying gear…even though the owner of said equipment hasn’t skied in at least 13 years. I also have a full set of golf clubs…and HE DOESN’T GOLF…HE HAS NEVER GOLFED…EVER. Boys are weird.

  10. Too funny! I quietly and systematically got rid of all the amusing and quirky things of my husbands over the years, including the platform shoes, the baby blue leisure suit he had ‘specially made’ in Korea and everything brown; sheets, bath towels, couches, etc. Aside from his blue jeans, even his clothes were brown or tan. He brings this up occasionally, reminding me that ‘that drawer in my nightstand is off limits!’ lol

  11. Ohhhh AM. I’m with ya, sister. My garage is filled with a gym and a pile of golf club parts. My closet has his high school trumpet that he never plays but insists he needs it. Giddyup.

  12. Hey, you never know when that saddle might come in handy! With the price of gas these days a horse might just be cheaper. Plus, you’d never have to mow again.
    That’s a forward thinker you’ve got there.:)

  13. You can send the saddle to me—I will put it with the many textbooks my husband has saved since graduating college in 1978. Or perhaps by the broken toddler swimming pool that cost $8 at K-mart that he was going to fix (actually I threw that away, along with a broken recliner when he was out of town).

  14. What you need to do is move to Africa. That is how I cleverly persuaded my husband to get rid of his mangy ocelet skin and feathered head-dress, relics of a short term trip to South America when he was 16. Also his bull whip, which sort of “frayed” and “got lost.” Seriously, international shipping costs work wonders.

  15. Too funny. My husband hung a bicycle in our bedroom so that he could ride it to work (still hasn’t happened) right between our dressers. I have to duck when getting clothes in the morning so I don’t hit my head. It’s always a close call. Very quirky…

  16. My husband came to our marriage with a brown velvet sectional sofa with LEOPARD HALF MOON PILLOWS and a piece that was the side table as one of the three or four pieces, if you count the easy chair of the same design.

    I always found it so outrageous that he loved it so.(I say outrageous, but I am being kind.)

    Now, lo- these 29-something years later,I would give anything to have him AND the sofa back.

    Something to think about when we judge and pout and whine AND get our way.

    ~Mad(elyn) in Alabama

  17. My late husband had a huge shed, 2 garages, 2 attics and a “handmade stockade” full of “quirky” stuff – old cars, boxes of telephone wire (this would actually be worth quite a bit of money now!!), telephone cable spools, claw foot bathtub, big box of matchbooks – collector item?, trophies from drag racing, etc. After he died it took us 6 months to burn, discard, clean out,etc. – because he did not take it with him. The fire department was actually glad to get the old cars. They came and towed them away at no charge so they could practice on them with the Jaws Of Life (a machine used to pry open smashed up cars). I just hope no one ever enters my sewing room to take pictures of my quirky stuff. I love the Christmas lights idea on the load of bricks!!

  18. Thanks for a good laugh. When my son and his new bride were preparing for their recent wedding, they had to do long distance counselling in the form of a written test with the pastor of the church they were married in. He was working on it one weekend wiht the whole family in the living room. We said “read us a question!” One was “do you ever get impatient or show you’re in a bad mood when with your partner?” We all hooted and snorted. Like is the answer supposed to be no? I think the “A” answer is YES! This is real life!

  19. I honestly thought my husband was the most intelligent man I had ever met, I mean he is a nuclear engineer, after all, and can repair almost anything. Then the morning after our beautiful wedding and fabulous reception, as I sat on the hotel bathroom floor with my face in my hands, I wondered in, complete confusion, how in the world did this brilliant man get so stupid overnight!!!!! I still love him and I have come to understand that I am the common sense to his intelligence. We balance each other out.

  20. I don’t see the problem, said the woman whose husband has an entire spare bedroom closet filled with concert tee shirts from his high school and college years.

    You are an interior designer — embrace the saddle! Build a wall or a room around the saddle! Maybe you could mount it lower, put a glass top on the frame and call it a console table. Old family photos from the horse farm would fit right in.

  21. I especially liked the part about “you yourself don’t have any annoying quirks”. My wife loves to tell me that after pointing out mine. It’s always sure to bring a smile to my face.

  22. Okay, now I’m grateful that the broken globe, 35-year-old stereo speakers and the hoveround with a dead battery and no charger are only in the garage.

  23. AM,
    I SO cannot help you with this. I grew up on horses. My dear groom did not. I think he’s been on a horse one time in his life. Oh, how I long to have a saddle in the house so I could just smell it first thing in the morning, several times during the day AND right before I go to bed.
    Now, who’s quirky???

  24. After 24 years of bliss…

    We have a steel guitar my husband, the budding country star, played in junior high stored in a hall closet. Along with this jewel is his mother’s sewing machine circa 1959.

    I am hopeful that at some point I can go on the Antique road show and cash them in to offset my dwindling 401 K.

  25. I’m a bride to be…
    And this was hilarious.

    My fiance and I are living together and, of course, discovering all the joys of eachother’s quirks. Well, his quirks because, duh, I am perfect :]


  26. My husband has baseballs displayed in our living room that were autographed by major league players. They are all nicely enclosed in display cases so as not to get dusty or have the autographs smeared.
    I have never understood this because the man doesn’t even really LIKE baseball!!!!
    It’s not like he is a huge fan or anything….he prefers football. ?????

  27. Too funny! And yet, so true. We are oh, so quickly approaching 1 year on November 3rd and already there are those moments. At least the autographed polka albums are nicely framed and hung in his office! Now the built-in does have a few momentos and movie he was in, but a girl can give in a little. At least until the baby has his own things to display, then Daddy may have to move all his ‘stuff’ into his office. Congrats on 10 years and thanks for the advice 🙂 Love the line about keeping treasures, which includes you!


  28. My issues with my husband were in the fashion department. He’s 6’5” and color-blind (literally), so you can imagine what he wore before I started buying his clothes. Since he doesn’t care about clothes, he was happy to turn the task over to me, so it mostly worked out.

    Except for the Brown Beast. This was a horrible corduroy shirt that was too big for him. I don’t have the words to describe how hideously ugly this shirt was. He agreed not to wear it, but wouldn’t consent to donate it. I finally got rid of it when I was pregnant and we had to move across the state. I figured if I was giving him the gift of a child, he could give me the gift of freedom from the Brown Beast.

    Then his mother sent him another shirt that I call the Green Ghoul, but that’s another story.

    * * * *
    I don’t have issues with my husband (not serious ones anyway) I just have issues with his saddle. And I would have issues with his saddle if it were not in my closet for 8 years. 😛
    ~ Antique Mommy

  29. Oh my! Congratulations, you get the “shoot coffee out of my nose” award for the week, and I thought someone else already had that one buttoned up with a local news report that demonstrated the super weirdness of families of political candidates. But politics we get every 2-4 years; a saddle in the closet? Now THAT’S something you don’t see every day!

    Well, if you’re me you see a saddle in the closet every day. 😉
    ~ AM

  30. This made my day for I really thought I was the only one with a lurking saddle…
    Tell me you don’t have spurs and a rope on your headboard too…yep.

  31. Today is our 55th Anniversary. Funny thing you should mention the saddle thing…my honey had three of them, but kept them in the barn as long as we owned the horse farm. Now he is down to just one saddle and it sits on a wooden horse in the garage, where it can see the 45 or thereabout QuarterHorse trophies that make his heart beat faster. He would love to move all the gaudy trophies into the house, but I think one or two in the den bookcase and one in the livingroom bookcase are enough inside. And, while I type this….he is out playing golf with a couple of his preacher buddies. Happy 55th to Me! (I’m still crazy about him and visa versa…it should never have worked!) :>)

  32. Okay, you’re hysterical!!!!

    I’m not a horse person – so I pictured a lump of leather laying on the floor in your closet. You know – off-season clothes hanging above it.

    And then I saw your picture!!

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud. I’ve added your blog to my list of favorites.

    Happy Friday.

  33. A saddle! How quirky and sweet! You know what would look GREAT in your closet with the saddle?


    And guess what? I have one! It’s been my closet for 18 years! My computer-geek husband got it from his geeky-geek friend as a groomsman’s gift the summer before we married and we still have it. In the original box. And everything.

    Quirky and sweet!

    BTW: I think brides should inquire as to the birthweights of the groom’s immediate family. I found out halfway through my first pregnancy that there hadn’t been a baby born on hubby’s side weighing less than 10 pounds. Kinda wish I’d have known that going in.

    * * * * *

    I do believe in Texas the cross bow is the standard groomsman gift. And the bachelor’s party is usually held at the Bass Pro Shop. ~ AM

  34. Steph–what kind of tractor is it…C has the mechanical know how when we got our tractor it was a very heavy very ugly paperweight….he has rebuilt it…same w/ the 69 pick up he has already rebuilt it once my FIL kindly wrecked it for him when he was out on the road shortly before we got together….
    the ford we just havent had time to piece out and haul off to the junkyard

  35. Thank you so much for that laugh!!!

    I’ve told many people that I don’t mind my hubbies Frisbee collection…at least it’s not Edsels or something like that…

  36. Seriously, AM, I am having trouble with my sympathy here, as I see that your closet not only has a saddle, it also has a WINDOW. Round these parts rooms with windows are usually called – I dunno, bedrooms.

    Just the same, I’m glad I don’t have a saddle in MY closet. 🙂

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