Hallmark Holidays

Be A Pilgrim

Seek boldly. Journey courageously. Work diligently. Sacrifice valiantly. Suffer willingly. Persist relentlessly. Share extravagantly. Serve compassionately. Love fearlessly. Live intentionally. Give thanks unceasingly. We are all but pilgrims and strangers upon the earth. Peace and grace to you wherever life takes you. Happy Thanksgiving.

Always Real, Silliness, Sometimes Sweet

What Are The Odds?

The following statistics are based on my own personal scientific research over a period of four decades. If you are wearing a black shirt and you attempt to put on deodorant, there is a 97% chance you will get the deodorant on the bottom of your shirt.  If you attempt to put on deodorant while wearing a black shirt and a blindfold, the odds of getting deodorant on your shirt increase to 97.2%   If you have no other clean shirts to wear and you are rushing out the door to give a speech, the odds increase…

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Just For The Comments

I Am A Mother…

Phillip Done begins the first chapter of his book 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny with a list that begins, “I am a teacher…”  As I read through that list wherein he describes all the things he does in the name of teaching, I thought to myself that Phillip would make a very good mother.  And so, I’m totally ripping off honoring his marvelous idea and presenting you with a list of my own: I am a mother.  I eat the broken cookies.  I have someone else’s boogers on my sleeve.  I laugh convincingly at knock…

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Always Real

Regaining Perspective

Earlier in the week, Sean and I set out on a nature walk to see what we could see.  It was late afternoon and it was chilly.  Along the way, we stopped and visited our favorite Labrador Retriever, Whitey. We don’t know if that’s really his name, but that’s what we call him.  Whitey is old and fat and when we get to his house, I whistle loudly for him and Sean calls his name.  It takes him a good while to waddle over to the fence. He plops down, exhausted, and leans against the fence. He sticks…

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Silliness, Snips And Snails

Another Investment Goes South

When Sean was somewhere around three, he discovered Lightning McQueen. I’m not really sure how that happened.  I think someone gave him the DVD for his birthday and on a long car trip we pulled it out, out of desperation, and after that there was no turning back. His world became all Lightning McQueen all the time. Ka-chow! Which roughly translates to Cha-ching! We have since invested untold millions into Lightning McQueen. Okay not millions, but untold dollars.  More dollars than I care to consider at the moment.  And I’ll be honest here, I’m to blame.  It seemed…

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Snips And Snails

Make A Joyful Noise. But Not Too Loud

Whispering is not what five-year-olds do best.  This is almost always a problem.  This morning at church, Sean leaned over to me and stage whispered, “MOM, I LIKE EVERYBODY AT CHURCH!”  I beamed with pride. In a congregation of any size, it’s unlikely that even one person can honestly say they like everyone, and yet my little boy does.  “EXCEPT THAT LADY BEHIND US.  SHE SINGS WEALLY LOUD!”  I hunched my shoulders to my ears and closed my eyes as though I had been swatted upon the head with a rolled up newspaper, like a bad…

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Always Real, Mildly Amusing, Silliness

The Secrets Of Motherhood

A parenting magazine that I sometimes read recently ran the headline, “The Secrets of Motherhood.”  And honestly, that kind of headline makes me roll my eyes.  Because really, after several thousand years of recorded history, am I supposed to believe that women are just now  revealing the secrets of motherhood? That we’ve been able to keep those secrets under our collective hat all this time?  I don’t buy it.  I know better.  Women like to share. Women like to share in a way that makes men queasy. There are no secrets among the motherhood.  For example:  Woman…

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Silliness

The Bob Is The New Helmet Hair

When AD and I moved to our current home eight years ago, we visited many a church looking for a church home. By default, we became professional church visitors. At one point we decided that we should start a business secret shopping churches. We would visit your church and then, for a small fee, we would send a follow-up report letting you know how we were greeted, were the restrooms clean, did anyone help us find our Sunday school class or invite us to lunch and if you are indeed as friendly as you think you…

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Snips And Snails, Sometimes Sweet

Circle Therapy

The other day I got a Lillian Vernon catalogue in the mail. I think I ordered something from them fifteen years ago and I still get their catalogues. Lillian holds out a lot of hope for me. As do Harry and David.  Sean was sitting at the kitchen counter, so I plopped the catalogue down in front of him.  I gave him a pen and told him to circle the things he liked.  I used to do this with the J. C. Penney catalogues that my mother got in the mail.  I’d sit on the sofa…

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Parenting Gone Awry, School

Birthday Party Theme: Obscure Minimalism

Last Saturday, Sean had his first ever birthday party beyond the standard cake and ice cream at home with family and friends. Last school year, we attended approximately 187 birthday parties thus making him fully aware that he was being rooked out of a party and that his mother was somewhat of a slacker in this regard.  So this year, we agreed to a class party. Earlier in the year, Sean attended a birthday party at a nearby gymnastics place and it worked out well, so I totally copied and rented the same facility.  Why re-invent the party…

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