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  • The Secrets Of Motherhood

    November 14, 2008

    A parenting magazine that I sometimes read recently ran the headline, “The Secrets of Motherhood.” 

    And honestly, that kind of headline makes me roll my eyes.  Because really, after several thousand years of recorded history, am I supposed to believe that women are just now  revealing the secrets of motherhood? That we’ve been able to keep those secrets under our collective hat all this time?  I don’t buy it.  I know better.  Women like to share. Women like to share in a way that makes men queasy. There are no secrets among the motherhood. 

    For example: 

    Woman A sees Woman B for the first time ever at a local playground. They share a park bench as they watch their children play.  Woman A turns to Woman B and compliments her shoes.  Woman B repays the compliment by telling Woman A her birth story in complete and graphic detail from the conception through the delivery of the placenta. Woman A reciprocates by tellling Woman B that she pooped during the delivery. Woman B then says, “I like your shoes too.” 

    See? There are NO secrets in motherhood, all is known, revealed, discussed and blogged.  And then commented upon.

    And if the secrets of motherhood were somehow going to be revealed after 6,000 years, I’m sure they would be revealed to Oprah first.

    36 Comments »

    1. Narelle Nettelbeck says:

      Too True! Mu husband prefers to talk to women – he says our conversations are much more interesting and we’re not scared to open up – unlike men!!

      November 14th, 2008 at 4:02 am

    2. JanMary, N Ireland says:

      LOL!

      Love the exchange on the park bench – once you have kids, nothing is sacred!

      November 14th, 2008 at 4:02 am

    3. nan says:

      Oh dear, sad but true. But once you’ve been through childbirth, what mystique is there anyway? Shoes, poop, placentas, it’s all the same.

      November 14th, 2008 at 6:19 am

    4. Heidi says:

      Modesty of all kinds dies when our children are born.

      So, I shouldn’t feel bad if, say, I met a group of friends for lunch on a day I was suffering horrendous cramps and slid into the booth saying “My uterus fell out at Wal-Mart.”

      Hypothetically speaking.

      November 14th, 2008 at 6:54 am

    5. WeaselMomma says:

      Nope, no secrets. Just flying by the seat of my pants.

      November 14th, 2008 at 8:03 am

    6. Sarah at themommylogues says:

      LOL!!! Yeah. I pooped. Sheesh — look at that? We can’t help ourselves!!!

      November 14th, 2008 at 8:39 am

    7. TeacherMommy says:

      Oh so true! We just love sharing everything possible. And then some!

      November 14th, 2008 at 9:00 am

    8. Kay says:

      That is sooo funny! LOL and so true! And then there’s the poop thing.. after you have kids, it’s like discussion of poop is an everyday thing even over the dinner table!

      November 14th, 2008 at 9:17 am

    9. Margie says:

      I wish I had known my grandmother when she was younger and raising her children. I remember her as being all prim and proper and I can’t imagine her talking about the things we talk about. I remember her telling me “sit up straight (you know how when you put your foot in a chair and your shorts will sag open in the leg?)I can see Christmas before it gets here.” It still makes me smile. After re-reading this, I don’t know if this relates to your post or not. Sorry. Margie

      * * * *

      Margie, I think that we have certainly become a society of over-share-ers (?sp?), maybe a side effect of the information age? Having said that, I think women just tend to like to share the bizarre and wonderful, common yet unique, experience that is motherhood. I can imagine cave women sitting around the cave over a cup of grog, while children played at their feet, telling stories about their water breaking. ~ AM

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:04 am

    10. Julie at Elisharose says:

      When I first decided to start a blog, I felt weird because I thought only the teens did it. After looking around a bit, I found all the mommy bloggers. I had no idea there were so many mommies out there telling their tales. I should have know because you are so right. We seem to have a need to tell our stories to anyone who will listen.

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am

    11. Michelle says:

      Just wanted to say that I found this line so funny that I laughed outloud!

      “Women like to share in a way that makes men queasy.”

      Thanks for the giggle today.

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:45 am

    12. Theresa says:

      I went into graphic detail about perineum massage recently with a friend’s husband, to help her avoid an episiotomy. All the husbands present quite loved that conversation. It never occurred to me until much later that this may not have been a suitable topic of conversation. hehehehe.

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:51 am

    13. Luke Holzmann says:

      I’ve heard that a lot of more inhibition after children… I’m almost there. If only the paperwork for the adoption would go through…

      This kind of thing cracks me up.

      ~Luke

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:56 am

    14. Jodie says:

      True dat. (Or that, whichever you prefer.)

      November 14th, 2008 at 11:05 am

    15. Gretchen says:

      I remember asking my husband when his best friend’s b’day was. “I dunno…some time in September, I guess…” Um…they were best friends for years. After rolling my eyes, I told him that if I just met someone, 30 minutes later, I’d know not only their b’day, but their marriage status, their shoe size, and favorite shows on TV. Not quite a birth story, but still…

      Thanks for the chuckle. The secret to motherhood: mother and child survive 🙂

      November 14th, 2008 at 11:08 am

    16. Lamont Cranston says:

      But . . . is it the process of giving birth? Or the post-partum process of being a mom?

      November 14th, 2008 at 11:21 am

    17. Maria says:

      …yes, because oprah, although never a mother, is the holder and revealer of all secrets. and if i had any good ones, i would certainly tell them to her–because who wouldn’t want to be on her show?

      * * * *

      Oh Maria. I totally get you my sardonic sister. ~ AM

      November 14th, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    18. Tami E says:

      Thanks for the laugh!

      November 14th, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    19. Ann G says:

      That’s just who we are, huh?? Thanks for putting the humor in the normal!

      November 14th, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    20. Jen E @ mommablogsalot says:

      lmao I must admit this is so true. Although rarely at the playground for me. For some reason the playground still intimidates me and I don’t get much more than name, age & recent event recount – like shortly after halloween everyone at the playground was all, “what were they for halloween?” it was very, “What did you do for your summer vacation?”esque but for big kids, I mean, parents.

      November 14th, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    21. Melissa says:

      I guess that’s why I like to read blogs by mothers. It seems like they are all so open and willing to share about their lives. I think people in my own stage of life, post-college but pre-babies, are a lot more closed off. Or maybe they don’t blog because they did it in middle school and are bored of it? Or maybe… I just don’t know where to look to find fun blogs that aren’t written by moms! In any case, it seems like we don’t do as well at sharing our lives with each other.

      November 14th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    22. Renee says:

      mwahahahahahahaha

      November 14th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    23. bee says:

      Yep, I’ve been the queen of TMI ever since giving birth!

      Too funny!

      November 14th, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    24. bea says:

      So true. This is your funniest post ever.

      November 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    25. Lori Drumm says:

      Us mothers have no shame. Once you’ve let it all hang out during childbirth, modesty goes out the window.

      November 14th, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    26. Rose says:

      That was hilarious! I really love it when someone tells you something and then says, “Oh sorry, that was probably TMI!” (yea, I think mentioning poop during a birth story just might fall in that category, ya think?) LOL!!

      November 14th, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    27. Spoiled Mommy says:

      TRUE TRUE!! Ha-ha!
      My husband thinks I say too much sometimes- he just dont know.

      November 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    28. Pam says:

      True, there are no secrets, but there are always things to learn from someone else, right. How about this one…Do you think you will be done when they leave the nest? Notttt. They are your hearts walking around outside of your body…then to add to that, they give you more little hearts…it goes on and on I guess.

      November 14th, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    29. Just Mom says:

      I didn’t poop during the delivery, I had a C-section.

      I love this post.

      ;-D

      November 14th, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    30. Roxanne says:

      You are so totally right. Tony always marvels at the fact that he has been in the same school for 4 years and doesn’t know who’s married, who has kids or how many, who’s from another state/country/etc. I’ve been there a year and a half and know it all. I’m not TRYING to be nosy–he’s just a man among a boat load of women.

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    31. Roxanne says:

      Oh. . .and one time my husband actually reprimanded me for telling a new mom that Dr. Smith’s is THE BEST diaper rash cream EVER. . .and that I sometimes even use it myself. I mean, girls DO chaffe at times. He just thought that was WAY too far.

      November 14th, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    32. Ally says:

      Personally, I like Boudreaux’s Butt Paste for diaper rash…

      I had always had the idea that after having a baby my sense of modesty would take a serious downturn. I feel like everyone’s seen me naked already anyway, so why worry about it?

      November 15th, 2008 at 12:23 am

    33. The Roost says:

      Very funny and very good point!

      November 15th, 2008 at 12:46 am

    34. Sue says:

      My huband worked in the same place for over 30 yrs, and I worked part-time for the same organization, so I knew the secretaries and people in the office. I didn’t work in the office, tho. One day when I stopped by the office, a woman stood up, and I realized she was obviously pregnant. At home I asked my husband why he hadn’t told me that. After all, the people things are what I was interested in. He said, “I think about work at work, and home at home.” I told him that the sharing of the info that someone is pregnant is not a work-thing, it’s a people thing. I couldn’t get over that he didn’t even think to tell me the people part at home. Not so with us girls.

      November 15th, 2008 at 1:58 am

    35. kiy says:

      See, it’s true. You *do* learn something new each and every day. I had no idea (not even an inking of a thought) that it was possible to poop during delivery.

      I probably could have gone to my grave without that little tidbit, but at least I have my learning in for the day. 😉

      Cheers, Kiy

      P.S. Oh, and I agree, one of your funniest posts so far (that I’ve read at least). Woke the hubby laughing!

      November 15th, 2008 at 2:02 am

    36. martha says:

      Oprah is not a mom. I hope the secrets of motherhood are revealed to someone else! 🙂

      November 18th, 2008 at 11:56 pm

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