School, Snips And Snails


For the better part of the school year, I have been sending Sean to school with a “lunch box” joke. I write a lame little joke on an index card (and by lame I mean suitable for 5-year-olds) and I put it in his lunch box and then the teacher reads the joke to the class during lunch. And hilarity ensues.

One day I forgot to send the lunch box joke and I was met in the car pool line by a crowd of angry five-year-olds and threatened with a plastic spoon. No not really, but when I picked Sean up from school he demanded to know what in the heck happened to his lunch box joke.

A typical lunch box joke goes something like this:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A:  To get to the other slide!

Ha! Ha! Hoo! Ha! Is that a knee-slapper or what!? Sean’s mom is SO funny!

However, this morning I discovered that my gig as a jokestress may be over when Sean asked,  “Mom, why did the squirrel get a tummy ache?”

“I have no idea.  Why?” I asked.

“Because he ate too many ache-corns! Get it? Ache corns?”

“See?” he explained,” It’s a little play on words — Ache? Acorns?”

“Oh yes. I get it. Quite funny.”

I asked him if he made that joke up. He claims he did.

If so, my career as jokestress to the five and under crowd is over and he can start writing his own lunch box jokes.


Lunch Box Joke by Antique Mommy

34 thoughts on “Jokestress

  1. I was afraid you were going to say that after you forgot the lunch box joke, some other mom swooped in and started supplying her son with jokes on index cards. When you tried to resume your joke-writing, the kids all voted and decided the other mom was funnier. THAT is usually the kind of thing that happens to me! =]

    The other moms might be voted prettier, but I’m definitely funnier, especially when it comes to humor that appeals to pre-schoolers.

  2. One of my husband’s favorites:

    Q: Why didn’t the crow survive after an accident?

    A: Because his friends couldn’t CAW 911.

    Can you tell there is a lot of eye-rolling in our household?

    I’m totally going to steal that one.

  3. DH is a goofball, too, and it seems to have passed on to mine 🙂 I may have to steal that idea! For some reason I always remember: Where does the general keep his army? Up his sleeve-y 😉 I am so happy this isn’t a post about how you were supposed to do a standup routine and joke – stress. Happy weekend!

  4. I used to send in little notes in my kids lunch boxes – have a marvelous monday, a terrific tuesday etc. When my daughter was 7 or so she asked me to stop as her friends asked her everyday what I had written – it was SOOOOO embarrassing for her. I replied that being embarrassing was part of my job….but I did stop, with a heavy heart 🙁

    Soon my son will start school and I can start embarrassing him instead 🙂

  5. You TOTALLY have the personality for corny jokes. It’s the same dry wit that my husband has. He’ll sit at the dining room table and crank those puppies out, one right after another. It’s like he missed his calling. My 7YO (especially) and 4YO giggle hysterically while I stab my ears with a fork.

    Q: Why didn’t the motorcycle win the race?
    A: Because he was TWO TIRED.

  6. Two muffins are in the oven. One muffin says to another, “Man, it’s getting hot in here, isn’t it?” The other muffin says, “AH! A talking muffin!”

    (I’m guessing they were “corn” muffins.)

  7. I don’t know about the rest of the “over five crowd”, but I like the CinderElephant joke! Maybe your humor is suitable for under five or over seventy!!!

  8. You are now my sons favorite blog! I just tested your “other slide” joke on my 5 year old – magic! He laughed so hard – we then went down the list. Have to go now – he wants to hear them again!

    Sean came home with a good one – I usually get the ones Ross makes up – you know “What did the T-Rex say when he was stuck between 24 Rocks?” “He said can I have a little help here?” “Ahh ha ha ha ha!”

  9. I teach first grade. These are my class favorites:
    Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
    A: Because he didn’t have any guts!

    Q: What goes “hahaha…thump”?
    A: A man laughing his head off.

  10. Love this! I used to write love notes to my daughter too. She is now 24 and still has them all! I never thought a five year old would save such things but it touches me that she did.

    One of our favorite chicken jokes is, “Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum it COULD be done!” This is a nod to road kill, of course. Morbid, I know, but always got a laugh.

    My fav knock knock joke is the best….ask someone if they want to hear a knock-knock joke. When they say yes, you then say, “You start it.” Of course, when they say “knock-knock” and you say “who’s there?”, they have no clue. Kind of mean but hilarious.

    Thanks for the smile…

  11. I taught Kindergarten for 10 years and seldom had a student that could tell a joke. However, one day we were discussing what the students wanted to be when they grew up. One little girl raised her hand and said, “When I grow up I want to be a vitamin!” “Why do you want to be a vitamin? I asked. “Well” , she replied “I went to a store one time and I saw a sign that said Vitamin B-1.”
    My other favorite was: How do you make a kleenex dance? You blow a little boogy in it.”

  12. This has been great. Now I have a whole new arsenal of jokes to tell my 20 yo daughter. She still likes 5 yo humor and I still like making her laugh.

    And I’m so happy to see that somebody else likes the chicken and possum joke. It’s my favorite one ever. Maybe because here in the South we see a lot of dead possums.

  13. I send little notes in with my kids’ lunches SOMETIMES. My son lives in terror that I might send him one with a heart on it or big kissy lips or some other humiliating reminder that his mother – shudder – LOVES HIM.

  14. That is just so cute and fun. Your son will always remember that his mom was the fun one who sent the cute jokes. Maybe someday he’ll do it with his children. Have you thought of keeping them and making a little scrapbook of them for him?

    I love things like this!

    Yes, the teacher sends the jokes home and I’m thinking of making them into a little book that he can give his classmates at the end of the year. There are only 12 of them, so it’s not so much! ~AM

  15. This might be too ancient: How do you get down from a Giraffe? You don’t. You get down from a Goose.

    Why can’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.

    What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and a chain says “Choo! Choo!” ha. I love that one.

  16. I first started attending public school in 10th grade. My mom always packed me a brown-bag lunch, and she’d write some sort of funny quote or joke on the bag and decorate it with stickers. It was dorky, but my friends always wanted to know what Mom had written each day. She also did theme lunches from time to time. Hawaiian lunch day meant I got shish-ka-bobs for lunch and had leis and paper toothpick umbrellas to hand out at my table, along with those little paper hula girls, a blue napkin (the beach!) and whatever other goofy stuff she had found. As uncool as that sounds for high school, I really liked it and so did the folks I ate lunch with.

    I love those little toothpick umbrellas! Your mom is awesome! She should write a book or start a blog or something! Seriously, I could learn a lot from her! ~AM

  17. Here’s one for your son:

    Why do giraffes have such long necks?

    Because their feet stink!

    Here’s one for you:

    Why do bikers wear black leather?

    Because chiffon wrinkles!


  18. So I’m reading some earlier posts and love, love, love this one (being a longtime lunchbox note mom and wife myself) and I’m running a couple of the jokes by my husband this morning. I say (in rare goof up a joke fashion), “What do you get when you cross a parrot with a walkie talkie?” (my brain snaps awake!… you said it wrong!… Oh well, let it play…)…husband thinks…”A walkie squawkie?” Two jokes for the price of one!

  19. My son doesn’t get homemade lunch every day, but I always leave a note with a goofy drawing on it when he does want it . . . and he always says thank you at the end of the day 🙂

    Knock Knock
    Who’s There?
    Dwayne Who?
    Dwayne the tub! I’m dwowning!

    Why did the elephant cross the road?
    It was the chicken’s day off.

  20. I deserve young children in my 40s (5 yr old and 19-month old) because I have a 6 year old’s sense of humor.

    Some of our favorites:
    How do you take away a bad pig? You put him in HAM cuffs!

    The knock knock joke with banana, banana, banana, orange…orange you glad I didn’t say banana.

    And my favorite: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?” (My son doesn’t even get that one yet but it still makes me howl.)

  21. Here’s my three favorites, courtesy of that chewy candy and a 4 year old who had great delivery:

    What do you call a cow with no legs! Ground Beef!

    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
    Lean Beef!

    What did the pig say when he had been out in the sun too long?
    I’m “Bacon”!

    Wish you could have heard that 4 year old deliver the “I’m Bacon” punchline and knowing what it meant! It was a great day.

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