Reruns and Leftovers

Boundary Issues

Antique Daddy was out of town one day last week. He works from home, so the three of us are together a lot. A lot. Of togetherness. All  together. At one time. In one place. Often.

So, on those rare occasions when he’s out of town, I miss him and all that, yada yada yada, but it’s also kind of nice for Sean and I to do our own free-form, free-spirited thing as that’s the kind of people Sean and I are – two zany Bohemians.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand (which I haven’t really thought of just yet but give me a minute) AD has always worked from home and for the most part, it’s a really good deal, but on those rare occasions when he is not here, it’s kind of extra special to have the little boy all to myself. Sean and I like to violate all of daddy’s rules when he’s gone like eating in the car, eating in the den and watching cartoons in mommy’s big bed, while eating. When the cat’s away the mice will eat anywhere they want and feel no remorse.

Well, it turns out I did not have a subject at hand, so here’s a post from December 2005.  Man, that was a long time ago.

* * *

Today, on the soft fleshy party of my right hip (as if there is place on me that is not soft or fleshy) I am sporting an exact replica of South America, only bigger and with more purple and yellow. And the reason I have this bruise is because my husband works at home.

Antique Daddy is a WAHD (Work-At-Home-Dad) and I am a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom) and we have a SWIFT (Sneaky-Wily-Incredibly-Fast-Toddler). WAHD + SAHM + SWIFT = boundary issues.

We have both always worked from home together and it has always worked for us. The upside to this scenario has been that we get to eat lunch together in our jammies and grope each other when we pass in the hallway – both of which are frowned upon in a regular office.

We established boundaries early on so that each of us knew that the other was working and not available for sex or help moving the furniture. The downside is that more often than not, the workday doesn’t ever really end, but working extra hours in exchange for groping your spouse in the middle of the day seemed like a fair trade.

As you know, we recently added a toddler to the staff here at AntiquesRUs and the boundaries have shifted. There is far less hallway groping these days, maybe because the hallway is now blocked off with a gate and the grope-ees are both chronically tired.

Now I know what you may be thinking when I use the term gate. You have pictured in your mind a device that prohibits the entry or exit from one location to another. Oh but you would be wrong. It’s not just a gate – it’s a baby gate, which means the only person in the house who can easily operate it or scoot under it is a baby.

Now some of you may be wondering what Antique Daddy does that he gets to work at home and the answer to this question is I don’t really know. Here’s what I know: He sits in a chair all day wearing a Borg implant and speaking in acronyms to other members of his Collective whom I think are located in a galaxy far, far away, like New Jersey.

So a few days ago, Antique Daddy informs me that he has a very important call and that he will be speaking to very important people about very important things and that it is very important that the boy not join the discussion. And because I have a college degree and he spoke very slowly making sure to enunciate the multi-syllabic word important, I understood the importance of what he was saying to me.

So then, I made sure the baby gate was securely shut and latched leaving Antique Daddy to manage in peace all things important. But soon thereafter, the boy felt it was important that he speak with his father immediately regarding an important matter. And so he brought this to my attention by rattling the gate like a gorilla and screaming DAHDEEDAHDEE which means, “Father, may I please speak with you?”

I informed Sean that Daddy was on an important blah blah blah important and that … It was then that I saw the vapor trail that lead under the gate and towards Antique Daddy’s office at the speed of light.

I knew I couldn’t unlatch the gate without the assistance of a toddler, so I hurdled it Flo Jo style and sprinted after him hoping to tackle him before he reached the end zone.

I congratulated myself on clearing the gate and managed to snag his shirt tail just before he breached security, but not before slipping on a Lego and landing squarely on my right hip with the boy on top. We both laid there on the floor for a moment, me unable to even moan in pain due to the lack of air in my lungs and the boy laughing hysterically saying “Do again Mommy! Do again!”

At this point, Antique Daddy has completed the very important call, opens the door and looks down to find the boy and me lying on the floor. “Are you just going to lie around all day?” he asks.

The next time I’m at the doctor’s office and he asks me “Is everything (doesyourhusbandabuseyou) OK at home? I’ll tell him no, everything is not OK. We are a WAHD-SAHM-SWIFT and it’s brutal. Is there a state agency for this?

25 thoughts on “Boundary Issues

  1. I’m so sorry you got hurt, but that was so funny. I really wasn’t in the mood to laugh out loud this morning until I read this.

  2. Just don’t get crumbs in the sheets. Or spill liquid. Otherwise, ingest to your hearts’ content.

    I thought I was the only one with a very important husband…

    My eyes have been opened.

  3. It looks like whatever was wrong was fixed, so I’m deleting the first post and moving the comments over here to satisfy the orderliness that I crave. Good gravy I’m weird.


    rrmama says:

    SO funny! I would have loved to see a picture of you hurtling over the gate. I never did gates in my house just for that reason. Me, I would have ended up in the ER, no question about it!

    March 31st, 2009 at 9:15 am

    MM says:

    LOLOLOL! This is hysterical! Seriously…you need to write a book. You have a gift.

    And I think I kinda remember those groping days. If I had the energy, it’d be nice to reminisce.


    March 31st, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Rhonda says:

    My husband worked from home for 3 years and I thoroughly enjoyed it. When the kids were off of school in the summer we were able to eat three meals a day together as a family. Most families find it hard to get in one meal together.
    Some people say it would drive them nuts to be around their spouse all day, every day but I loved it! What can I say, I like the guy!
    About a year ago he got a job outside of the home and it was a very difficult transition for me. I felt abandoned and depressed for a solid two weeks before I finally snapped out of my funk. I do miss the hallway gropes but I also remember how stressful it was to try and keep the kids quiet during important calls. I never got an injury doing it though!

    March 31st, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    Sally says:

    I remember this post from before (guess I have been reading here for a long time.)
    I laughed the first time I read it and I laughed again this time. Groping each other in the hallway!!! Love it!!!

    My husband has never worked from home, but he used to work here in town and could come home for lunch. But when that place closed, he was not able to find another job close to home and for the last 2 1/2 years he has had an hour commute to work. He is now gone 12 hours a day, sometimes longer, including Saturdays, and I really miss him. You are very fortunate to be able to have your husband work at home and have that time together.

    March 31st, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    Blog Antagonist says:

    My husband works from home a couple of days a week. Sometimes, I really like it. Other times, I wish he would go back to the office.

    Now that our kids are older and stay up later, it’s excellent for fitting in some bow-chicka-bow-bow when they are at school.

    March 31st, 2009 at 1:19 pm

  4. On the rare occasion that my husband isn’t home for the evening, my boy and I love the alone time: we have “whatever” for dinner (that means something fronm the microwave) and lounge around, watching T.V. or playing games. Of course, we miss him but we need that time every now and then. Glad you got yours!

  5. My man gets to work from home once a week and has every other Friday off. I love having him home but sure don’t get much done on those days. Now the Fridays off are the best … when kids are in school… bikes r us. When kids are home there is sure to be a family adventure in store… maybe on bikes.

  6. Ahhhhh. I have been at school for 14 hours today because we had a program tonight where my 19 best six-year-old friends performed the Virginia Reel. After a long day of school. And they weren’t even tired! I, on the other hand, am toast. So, I’m thankful for your LOL blog tonight more than you can know. Gracias.

  7. You’ve got me laughing out loud again – at the part about the perks of working from home together! Thanks for the much-needed dose of laughter!

  8. My kids know that it’s waffles, cereal and pop-tarts for supper when dad’s out of town! They don’t mind and neither do I! HA!

  9. AM, I love your blog! And now I feel a kindred spirit with you in that I’m at home all day everyday with my husband and 2 daughters! I homeschool and my husband is a pastor. We are together all the time. “A lot. Of togetherness. All together. At one time. In one place. Often”. I totally get this!! And sometimes we eat lunch in our jammies, too!

  10. I love the story! My husband and I both are WAHD/WAHM so I totally get it! Since our two kids are in school they are home late afternoon and during breaks and it can get interesting. We too like to break all the rules when “dad” is traveling.

  11. I considered you much too sophisticated for The Groping, but now I know better! 😉

    Off to read the rest of the post…

  12. Re the top of the post and the cat’s away the mice playing….

    When my kids were young and their daddy was out of town, we often had silly suppers. You know the kind? Picnic on the living room floor. Root beer floats. Popcorn. Chocolate chip cookies and for dessert: Pizza! 🙂

  13. I love to break all the rules when Daddy’s not at home. The kids are finally learning to “keep secrets” too, so *I* don’t get in trouble. Snicker snicker snicker.

    Crumbs in the bed…two pieces of candy…

  14. dear am,

    i know your comments for ‘the toy’ are closed, but i just read your post thanks to boomama. i do pray you spot this in all your other comments!

    i was so touched by your post, not only for the story of your son’s experience, but the work his fast-food toys have supported.

    my dad has been collecting happy meal toys most of my life. he never opened them. as kids if we were allowed to open a toy, it would be because he already had 1 or 2 sets of that collection already. honestly. my dad was known for sweet-talking the drive-through kid into massing all of one series together and driving away with 12 happy meals… : )

    since his death last year, we’ve been finding these toys everywhere, stashed in nooks and crannies. i’ve been hoping we’d find something special to do with them, and nopw, maybe we have!

    please let me know if your dentist would appreciate a big box donation of vintage, unopened happy meal toys. and if so, how/where/when.

    God’s blessings, to you and your family and especially on this day, to your son. what a sweetheart. my son is 4. today we had our own chat about remorse and how God uses it to help us make better choices. ya know. like after you shower your baby sister with a cup of water. while she’s in her crib.

    take care,


  15. grandpa rick’s toys might be cool toys


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