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  • So Small

    August 29, 2009

    Antique Daddy and I have been saying bedtime prayers with Sean since the day we brought him home from the hospital.  It’s our routine. It’s what we do.

    Those early prayers were often desperate pleas for help and grace and mercy.  We had no idea what to do with a four-pound baby.  We were terrified.  We felt so very small in the bigness of the task we had been given.  We felt as though we had been sent out to fish the Bering Sea in a row boat.

    The other night as I settled Sean for bed, I pressed shut the book I had been reading to him and set it aside. I knelt beside his bed and asked him if he would like to lead the bedtime prayer.  Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t.

    This time he turned his head to the wall and didn’t respond.

    “Sean?” I asked again,  “Will you say the prayer tonight?”

    After a long pause, he turned towards me.  His eyes were shiny with tears.

    “I don’t want to,” he said, his voice quivering.

    That was unusual.

    “Why not?” I asked, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

    “I’m scared,” he said quietly.

    “Scared?”

    “Yes,” he whispered. “I just feel so… small.”

    A big tear rolled down his cheek onto the pillow.

    I sighed.  He gets its.  In the shadow of our mighty God, we are indeed so small.

    I leaned over him in his tiny bed and blanketed him in a hug.  I prayed over him and thanked God for my wise little boy.

    I prayed that he might always view his God through the lens of humility and awe; I prayed that he might always feel so small.

    29 Comments »

    1. Julie at Elisharose says:

      As long as small doesn’t mean insignificant. Never that. How amazing that, even in our smallness, we are so important to Him.

      * * *
      He meant small in comparison to “he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar…” Jeremiah 31:35

      August 29th, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    2. Becca says:

      Awesome, AM. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful moment with us.

      August 29th, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    3. Will Blog For Shoes says:

      Beautiful!

      August 29th, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    4. Pam says:

      Oh AM… you are so generous to let your readers into this tender moment.

      Sigh…

      August 29th, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    5. mythoughtsonthat says:

      Really great.

      Peace.

      August 29th, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    6. k&c's mom says:

      I love that Sean “gets it”. I think he will have a Big Place in this world some day!

      * * *
      I don’t much care if he has a “big place” in this world. In fact, I sort of think I’d rather he not, because I want him to have a place in the next world. ~AM

      August 30th, 2009 at 12:15 am

    7. RefreshMom says:

      Precious!

      August 30th, 2009 at 1:04 am

    8. Janmary, N Ireland says:

      A great moment of insight – thanks for sharing.

      August 30th, 2009 at 7:47 am

    9. Jeni says:

      What a wonderful story! Those times when we feel so small are a great reminder of God’s bigness.

      August 30th, 2009 at 8:09 am

    10. ShackelMom says:

      Wow. That is really amazing insight…

      August 30th, 2009 at 8:20 am

    11. Jo@Mylestones says:

      Wow. At a tender age, he gets what so many never do. May we always, at every age, be small before our Mighty God.

      August 30th, 2009 at 9:19 am

    12. deb says:

      This brought tears to me this morning. May God in His great mercy and grace preserve that understanding for the rest of his life.

      August 30th, 2009 at 9:49 am

    13. HarryJacksMom says:

      You had me at the hospital. Such a sweet, good heart…how can we ever ask for more? Mine are about the same age and have been having all sorts of insights about their place in the world, but Sean has a gift for wording it so beautifully. Enjoy all these precious moments, and thank you for sharing!

      August 30th, 2009 at 10:00 am

    14. Nette says:

      Precious. We all need to remember just how small we really are.

      August 30th, 2009 at 10:43 am

    15. patois says:

      Ah, that he gets it so young. Gorgeous.

      August 30th, 2009 at 10:43 am

    16. Shelly W. says:

      I agree with Pam. You are so generous to share that with us. It encouraged me today. Thank you.

      August 30th, 2009 at 11:51 am

    17. Jackie @ Family Daze says:

      Tears in my eyes. Amen and amen!

      August 30th, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    18. Anne says:

      This was really precious – yet so profound – coming from the mouth of babes.

      August 30th, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    19. LauraLee@Selah says:

      * tears * Beautiful, my friend.

      August 30th, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    20. Pam D says:

      So very sweet; how is it that children get it so much easier than adults? And oh, don’t you love to pray OVER your child? Not just for them, but over them? I do that every school morning now, and both us have a much better day.
      Blessings…

      August 30th, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    21. Iota says:

      Well, he’s achieved more wisdom in his few years than many people achieve in their whole lives.

      August 30th, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    22. Diana says:

      I second Pam and Shelly. Thank you for sharing such a tender moment.

      August 30th, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    23. Beverlydru says:

      Such a wise little boy who is likely so because he is mentored by a wise mommy. You have a way of capturing those teachable moments.

      August 31st, 2009 at 8:32 am

    24. Minnesotamom says:

      Amen!

      August 31st, 2009 at 10:49 am

    25. Jenny 867-5309 says:

      I do love that. We also pray with our boys before going to bed and every once in a while my 6yo will shed a tear or two over not having a perfect enough heart for God. It breaks my heart but I love using those moments to teach him about God’s grace and mercy.

      August 31st, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    26. Faerylandmom says:

      I wonder if that’s why my 3-year-old has been on a streak of not wanting to pray at night. I never ever make her, and when I ask her why, she always just says “Because”.

      I always tell her that Jesus loves her and would love to hear her voice, but leave it at that.

      Now…I wonder though…I hope that is the reason, and she just doesn’t know how to say it.

      August 31st, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    27. Francine B says:

      Oh!!!! Love it. God have mercy on me* I need to be like a child* Thanks for sharing.

      September 1st, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    28. Stretch Mark Mama says:

      Well, if I was a friend of yours on facebook, I’d “like” that about 1000 times.

      Nichole Nordeman’s song “Small Enough” is one of my favorites. I’ve Ugly Cried through it many times. http://songza.fm/~8lydme

      September 2nd, 2009 at 12:22 am

    29. sue says:

      Thank you for this tiny tender moment that reframed things for me for this new day.

      September 5th, 2009 at 9:44 am

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