Comments on: Pennies

By: Sally

Sally — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:16:06 +0000

I took my oldest daughter to a garage sale when she was about 6 years old. We bought a dollhouse. There were some items that went with the dollhouse placed into separate ziploc bags. Naturally she wanted to buy every single bag so she would have everything that went with the house. I told her she could choose only one bag. While she was deciding which bag to purchase, I was browsing through some other items. After she made her decision, I paid for our purchases and we left. After we got home, I realized that there seemed to be more items in her bag than I had remembered seeing in it at the garage sale, and I asked her how they got into the bag. She eventually admitted that she had put some “extra” items into her bag, because she wanted them all and it was just too hard to decide on only one bag. I explained to her that it wasn’t right for her to have done that, and then I took her back to the garage sale and explained what had happened to the lady running the sale. Then I made my daughter apologize and pay her for the items she had taken. The lady said she had never had anyone do anything like that before, and she appreciated that I was trying to instill proper morals and values in my child.

* * *
I am standing up and applauding you! You showed your child how important honesty is to you. And I’m sure getting in the car and going back to the garage sale to return a $1 item was not at the top of your “fun things to do today” list. But worth it!

By: Rhonda

Rhonda — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:30:39 +0000

Last year my then six year old son came home indignant that he lost recess priviledges for the next day. A classmate dared him to break a recess rule of going backwards on the monkey bars and then told on him when he did it. He couldn’t understand why he was the one to get in trouble when it was the other boy that dared him. He just kept repeating over and over, “But, mom. HE dared me!” He learned a valuable lesson that day that we are responsible for our own choices and actions whether someone dares us or not.

By: Jenny-Jenny

Jenny-Jenny — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:40:16 +0000

“he will know that it’s wrong and that his parents would disapprove. And that’s all I can do.”
We teach them and teach them and then when they leave our little nest… we let them govern themselves. The important part is that we teach them.

By: deb

deb — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 23:40:44 +0000

One thing we did that worked is we told our kids (now grown) that the consequence would be worse if we found out vs them confessing. In fact, usually when they fessed up, we’d say something like, “Your consequence will be x. But thank you so much for telling us. Just to let you know, if we’d have found out about this on our own, your punishment would’ve been xy & z.” It was effective & they learned to both respond to their conscience & also to confess when they erred.

At least that’s how it appeared. There is always that chance they only confessed some stuff & learned to hide the rest really, really well! We may never know…

By: Bill McNutt

Bill McNutt — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:32:21 +0000

How do you parent?

Well, there’s always by example.

Bill

By: Jackie Hall

Jackie Hall — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:02:38 +0000

I think every child goes through that trial. It’s part of growing up. You did the right thing. I’m suprised the teacher didn’t tell him to keep the two pennies for tellng the truth. I think I would have just to encourage the children to be truthful.

I’ll have to tell you Blakes sock story one day.

By: mama speak

mama speak — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 08:43:29 +0000

This would be a conversation I might have w/my oldest, age 6. She leans toward the side of being honest, and like Sean might not have really thought of it as being a problem b/c she’d never been faced w/that type of situation before. My 6yo is more or less honest.

My 3yo on the other hand, already fibs. She’ll tell me she’s brushed her teeth or washed her hands when she hasn’t AND she’ll flat out blame someone else for something. I hate that I question pretty much everything she says to me, but I do. Guess she’s gonna keep me on my toes. It’s hard at 3, b/c the reasoning ability isn’t entirely there yet. She understands cause & effect and she knows right from wrong, but if put in the same situation she wouldn’t have come up w/returning those pennies on her own. AND when I followed up w/the teacher it would be a 50/50 chance of her having returned them. I don’t think she’s a bad kid. More of a boundary tester. And it’s inherent, trust me.
I do realize, however, that boundary testers are the people who lead nations, create new paths and define our future. Like I said, she’s keeping me on my toes.

By: k&c's mom

k&c's mom — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:21:20 +0000

I’m glad you follow up. Someone wise told me, when my adult children were little that “if you don’t inspect, don’t expect”. In other words, check up on them.

I use green/yellow/red in my classroom for behavior, but I also have “commendations” when I catch them doing something right. They get to put their names on the back of a ticket, and I draw for chances at the Treasure Box each Friday. (I draw until everyone gets a pick.)

PS: I work with a teacher who makes her students who have misbehaved do “community service” during recess: they have to pick up trash on the playground. She hasn’t issued them long poles with nails to stab trash. Yet.

By: Sharon M.

Sharon M. — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 20:47:50 +0000

Way to go. I wish you could teach classes to parents and children in my elementary school. Everyone is so proud that the test scores rank my school #1 in the state of California,as far as academics go, but I would rather we rank #1 in manners, social skills, and integrity. Many of our parents and students don’t have those. Keep up the great work with Sean, and with setting a good example for others.

By: Shelly W.

Shelly W. — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 20:19:11 +0000

I just had to come back and read more comments because what Bill said has really bothered me, I gotta say. I think the big difference here (between your methods and Bill’s) is the creating of a soft conscience, and that is critical, especially at Sean’s age. You are in the process of helping form his conscience. Bill’s method assumes that his kid already has a hardened conscience, and that makes me sad.

When my oldest was 3 years old and in preschool, she came to me with wide eyes and a fistful of beads. “Look, Mommy,” she said, fully expecting me to be as thrilled with the beads as she was. “Where did you get those?” I asked. “From preschool the other day,” she explained. “Did your teacher give them to you?” “No.” And suddenly her countenance fell. She knew right away that taking the beads was wrong. I could have left it at that, hoping, like Bill, she would come talk to me again next time she stole something. But I needed to teach her the full lesson–that there are consequences to our sin. I told her that she would have to confess to her teacher and return the beads. Was that hard? YES! I was in as much anguish as she was. But her teacher handled it beautifully, giving her a big hug and telling her that she forgave her. It was a HUGE moment in the formation of my daughter’s conscience that, although difficult, was the beginning of forming her into the wonderful, trustworthy teenager she is today.

* * * *
Thanks for sharing that and coming back to add your wisdom to the discussion Shelly. I think one of the most important things I can do for Sean is to let him know what our house stands for, whom we serve, to whom we belong, what his mommy and daddy believe is right and wrong. Is he going to hide something from me sooner or later? Yes. But he will do so knowing he is falling short of what we expect of him. The idea that you wouldn’t ever correct your child because maybe the next time they will hide the sin is ABSURD. If you don’t teach your child, the world will.