Comments on: 10.2 Ways To Be A Gracious Guest

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:46:23 +0000

An idea for a hostess gift is something seasonal. The other day we were invited to some friends house for dinner and I brought mulling spices (it’s apple cider season here in New Hampshire) in a cute jar.

By: The Confused Foreigner

The Confused Foreigner — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 03:55:33 +0000

Great list!
Personally I love it when people help with the clean up (but I don’t care if they don’t either) but I hate it when the clean up help makes more work for me- some of my friends who used to come over a lot would try to be very “helpful” and pile all the dishes in my sink. I had no dishwasher so it made more work for my hubby and I as we had to first clean out the sink before we could wash the dishes.
So, I finally told people not to do that and they were great about it. But yeah, its good to note what people find helpful and you are right, some people don’t find it helpful for people to help clear the table etc…

By: Common Mom

Common Mom — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 21:03:17 +0000

Love the list! But I grew up in the land of “If you’re not early, you’re late.” It KILLS me to not be on time or early. As I’ve “grown” I’ve figured out when I CAN and SHOULD be early and when I should show up fashionably late, but it still kills me And I think my mother would slap me from half way across the country if I didn’t help clear the table.

By: Ann G

Ann G — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 20:17:33 +0000

I personally like #10!! Why do people need to be pushed out the door when the night is over??!!
Thanks for your party “rules”! they are good reminders of common courtesy that we need from time to time!

By: Mary @ Parenthood

Mary @ Parenthood — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:25:02 +0000

I’m so with you on the RSVP’ing thing. It’s really awkward and stressful if I invite you for dinner, and then don’t know if you are coming. And worse if I decide you aren’t and then you show up!

You’ve probably heard enough on the food allergy and separate dish issue, but as a celiac who is extremely allergic to pineapple, eating out is always a big source of stress. I’d never accept a dinner invitation without making sure that the host is able to feed me. I often offer to bring my own food just in case they don’t feel up to the challenge. The idea of simply going and then “pretending” to eat is ludicrous though. In a formal meal situation, people will definitely notice that you are just playing with your food and as a hostess I would be extremely anxious, worried and offended if someone I invited for dinner ate nothing or practically nothing. So I’d change that paragraph to something saying: “If there is food that you will or cannot eat, discuss it with the host(ess) in advance.” Ideally your host(ess) would give you an opening when inviting you. Eg. “Do you have any food allergies that I should know about?” “No – but I can be slightly picky about eggplant” “Yes – x and if you’d like I can bring my own food” or “Yes – x, y, z but actually if you don’t mind I’d be more comfortable bringing my own food”. If for some reason it doesn’t come up though, as a hostess I would MUCH rather have you bring your own food than to have you spend most of the evening vomiting or worse in the bathroom or have to leave immediately to go home or the emergency room. Just saying…

I’d also be careful about hostess gifts unless you know the recipient fairly well. People are forever bringing us wine (we don’t drink), chocolates (contaminated with wheat and/or hazelnut flavoured which the rest of my family can’t have), baked goods (usually can’t eat), or smelly soaps (hives and headaches). And once I received a pineapple (of course, maybe they were actually trying to kill me). It’s a nice gesture but really awkward and embarrassing to receive something we can’t use and I don’t have a good way of explaining this without making the guest feel awkward too.

You might get the impression that dinner parties make me anxious They do, but only for people I don’t know that well…

* * *
Yes, the food allergy point has been beaten to a pulp. I have retracted it and can do no more.

About the hostess gifts, would it not be possible to accept the gift graciously and then pass it along to someone who might enjoy it?

By: Deborah

Deborah — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:14:43 +0000

I’m one of those people who is always early–it was drilled into me as a child that being late is disrespectful. So I tend to be so paranoid about being late that I end up arriving 10-20 minutes early (and usually make the block a few times or sit in the driveway). I’m also a little challenged when it comes to etiquette; I never seem to know the right thing to do. So I’m profoundly grateful to those hostesses who explicitly tell me things like, “We’re serving dinner at 6, so we’d like guests to arrive between 5 and 5:30.” That way I don’t end up arriving at 4:45 (trying to get there at 5 o’clock sharp). I just try to get there by 5:30 and end up arriving around 5:15, which is perfect.

Thanks for these tips, by the way! They’re helpful for someone like me, who never learned a lot of the social niceties as a youngster but who now lives in a world where I need to know it. (Can you imagine the mistakes a socially ignorant diplomat’s wife makes? I don’t have to imagine!)

By: kimberly

kimberly — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 05:01:43 +0000

Poking a straw in the box…not that’s a classic! You should patent a Capri Sun type single serve pouch of Pinot Grigio!! I’d buy

Also, concerning simple expressions of gratitude lacking in our culture—you are spot on, so true. However to counter that, I did happen to just put up a post tonight about the random act of kindness from one friend. Amazing how something so small, inexpensive can truly make your day!!

Thanks for the entertainment guidelines….love it!!

By: momof8

momof8 — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:55:11 +0000

Okay, now I have to google King Ranch Casserole . . . is that some Southern specialty? Up here in the North they serve what is called “hot dish”. (hot dish = casserole)

After comparing the two lists it appears it takes more effort to be a good guest . . . hmmmmmmmm . . .

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 23:50:23 +0000

…but everyone loooves my King Ranch casserole…..

By: Paulla

Paulla — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:49:25 +0000

Whoops, she broke #5 too – EVERY time. And do I dare start on the times when she brought her untrained kids? LOL – can you see I have baggage about this??