As for ALWAYS being there for them, I don’t know. Aren’t I allowed to have a life away from them? Aren’t they allowed to have a life away from me?

It is not rude to answer the phone, but there are 2 courteous responses. Either tell the caller you’ll call back, or tell the person your speaking to that you need to take the call and let them off the hook so that they don’t have to stand around and wait. If you were visiting their home and the house phone rang would they sit and have a conversation while you waited? It’s the same principle.

While I understand and agree with your point of not ALWAYS being available (you should try working with and managing the children of helicopter parents – it’s a nightmare), I also found the way your acquaintance handled the call to be inconsiderate and devaluing to you.

I’m 33 years old, married with two kids and still talk to my parents (and sister) every day. My sister lives 3 hours away from me (used to be 16 hours away) and my parents live in another state. They’re not always available (like when they’re at work), but I love that I have the kind of relationship where I can talk to my parents about anything, any time. It nearly drove me crazy when they took a 10-day cruise and didn’t use their cell phones…they deserved the vacation, but I really missed talking to them!

My 24-year-old son is pretty self-sufficient, and when he calls, it’s usually to reconnect or to ask for advice. And because I (like other commenters) remember a time when he was not so keen on keeping in touch, I try to be available when he calls.

Having said that, I really do believe it comes down to etiquette. I realize, this wasn’t the issue you were tackling. But I do think it’s rude to abandon the person in front of you for the person on the other end of a phone call (except in cases of emergency, of course).

Picking up a call sends a strong message of priority. I would find out if it was urgent, and if not, I would explain to my beloved son that I’m having a conversation and will call him back in a few minutes. That would not only tell the person in front of me that he/she is important, but it would also show my son I believe in conversational courtesy. And that’s nearly as important as self-sufficiency.

AM, you said you often tell Sean to try to figure things out for himself… that is fabulous. I try to do the same thing with my son. But look at the other side: he came to you and you were there for him… he came to you for help, and you offered reassurance that if he tries alone you will help him afterward. That is the best thing possible, in my opinion. Like the commentor before me said… it’s aweful to need constant reassurance once you are a teenager and even worse as an adult.

The father whom you wrote about may make himself “always available” to his children… but we won’t know if it’s to offer wisdom, an encouraging word, or sometimes telling the child to get off his rump and try to figure it out… either way, he’s there… and that’s all that matters.

“No problem. They chatted for a few minutes while I stared at the ground and then my cuticles and then the ground some more. By the lilt and chatter of the conversation, it was apparent to me that there was no real emergency, but whatever, it made no difference to me.”

-did make me think that you were headed in the direction of “People who are rude with their cell phones” but as I read, I realized that’s not what this post was about at all. Maybe that’s where some people are getting the “rude cell phone call takers” idea, even though you DID say later that you weren’t offended when he took the call. Just a thought.

Still, if I think it’s one of the kids, or one of the schools, I pick up asap. I’m always afraid it might be an emergency. I’m always relieved that it’s not.