School, Silliness

Intro To Pumpkinology 101

Last week Sean’s kindergarten teacher asked me if I’d be willing to come up to the school and lead a couple of 15-20 minute classes on pumpkins. I know my way around a pumpkin and it sounded like fun, so I said sure, why not.

When I arrived at the school,  the teacher gave me a 10-second overview of the lesson plan, three pumpkins and a knife. Then she blindfolded me, spun me around three times and pushed me towards my classroom.

The lesson plan was this:  She would send three or four children at a time to my room where we would list on a whiteboard all the characteristics of a pumpkin. Then we would read a short book on how a pumpkin starts from a seed, grows into a pumpkin, and then the seeds from the pumpkin return to the ground where more pumpkins grow.  Oh I’m sorry.  I just gave away the ending.  Hope that doesn’t ruin it for you.

Anyway, after the book, the children were to explore the pumpkin.  They were to put their hands in, on and around the pumpkin, they were to experience pumpkin slime and become one with the pumpkin.  At which time I would send them back to the teacher covered in pumkin guts and she would send me three more unsuspecting children (insert scary maniacal laugh).

If I’ve learned one thing as a mother, it is this:  managing children is a lot like throwing a party.  Any possible thing that can be done ahead of time, should be done ahead of time.

With that thought in mind, I decided that I would cut the tops off the pumpkins before the children arrived to my room so that I wasn’t faced with wielding a knife while a small crowd of 5-year-olds tried to “help”.  But the pumpkins the teacher had given me were as hard as bowling balls. The knife that I had just wasn’t cutting it.  Cutting it!  Ha!  I crack myself up.

About time this, another teacher, Ms. Danielle, happened by my room and saw that I had worked up a bead of sweat trying to cut the top off a pumpkin.  She did not point and laugh but politely asked how it was going.  I said, not so well and I jokingly asked her if she happened to have a chainsaw.  She said, no, but she did have a hacksaw.  I laughed and then I noticed she wasn’t kidding, so  I said, “Dudette? Seriously?”

Ms. Danielle slipped away and quickly returned with a hacksaw.  I immediately had a series of thoughts: 1) Ain’t it great living in Texas!? 2) Mental note to self:  Do not tick off Ms. Danielle.  3) Wow, she’s got her own hacksaw!  4) If she keeps a hacksaw in her purse, I wonder what she has under the car seat?

Side Bar:  If I were lost out in the wilderness with someone, I would pick Ms. Danielle over Bear Grylls because for one thing, she carries a hacksaw and that would be useful. And two, she seems pretty pragmatic.  I’m sure she would not get naked and jump into a freezing cold river for demonstration purposes as Bear likes to do.  And three, being a woman, she would ask for directions and we wouldn’t get lost in the first place and we would go shopping instead and we would not have to eat bugs because we could just go to Starbucks or Panera.

There for a minute, I thought there was point to this post, but apparently I was mistaken.

All in all, I think the Intro to Pumpkinology class was a success.  No one threw up or fainted or suffered any permanent psychological damage other than three small pumpkins.

25 thoughts on “Intro To Pumpkinology 101

  1. A hacksaw?!?! Love it. I just got back from my high school reunion in Texas. I live in OK now. Did the hacksaw have the Texas star on it? Everything else there does!

  2. Three Little Pumpkins
    Three small pumpkins sitting on a desk;
    Early one morning, not knowing their fate,
    Would they just end up on a plate ?
    In walked Antique Mommy,weilding a knife;
    NOW they were scared for their life.
    Cutting off their top’s,
    And spilling their guts,and slime.
    All of a sudden, they were having a good time.
    Hacksaws, knives, it doesn’t matter,
    they all had thick skin,and enjoyed the kids laughter.
    After carving, and after class, ohhh what a sight.
    Antique Mommy was SKILLED with a knife.
    Some were smiling, and some were frowning,
    But all the kids were howling with delight!
    Our seeds will be planted, and we’ll be back, just in time for another Halloween night!
    Woooooo went the wind
    And OUT went the lights.
    Three little pumpkins rolled out of sight.

  3. I can’t figure out how you would use a hacksaw to cut the top of a pumpkin. Did you just saw the suckers in half?

    Hilarious post, I love your writing.

  4. I am choking on my popcorn, thank you very much!
    So you showed those pumpkins’ who was boss.. Great job!
    You aren’t a blockhead, but did you see the GREAT PUMPKIN>? LOL!

  5. I use a drywall saw myself (really!), but I don’t carry it around with me. I’m impressed. 😀

    * * *
    I was telling Maria (commenter above) that it wasn’t C-shaped, so I think it might have been a drywall knife, but she called it a hacksaw and I never argue with someone holding a hacksaw. And I don’t know one tool from the next. 🙂

  6. Kudos to Seans teacher for constructing such a “hands on (in?)” lesson and kudos to you for carrying it out! Love the fact that a saw was on hand. Maybe I’ll have to add one to my growing list of teacher tools when the time comes ;).
    By the way, love Jims take on the Three Little Pumpkins!

  7. When I was growing up in England, we didn’t carve pumpkins (hadn’t heard of them, I don’t think), but everyone used turnips. Can you imagine hollowing out a turnip? We needed more than a hacksaw, for sure (actually, we got our mom to do it for us).

  8. When I was reading this I could not help but think of the movie “Arsenic and Old Lace”. ” Here dear, let me give you a hand. I have a hacksaw you can use. Excuse the blood….”

  9. You’re hilarious. I have been laughing out loud at so many of my regular reads today! I needed a good laugh. Thanks.

    And thumbs up to Jim and Ms. Danielle! 🙂

  10. Man…people NEVER write poems in my comments!

    And I would rather go to Starbucks than eat bugs any day too! You’re my kind of shopping partner. I’m sorry to say that I don’t carry a hacksaw though. Not even a pocketknife! We do have several rusty Arabic dagger in highly decorated sheaths in our house though 😉 Sean would LOVE them.

  11. This was great.

    I couldn’t help but feel a little sad as I read this, because here in NJ if a teacher came to school with a hacksaw she would be fired in a blink of an eye.

  12. OK, now I’m scared. My son’s 1st grade teachers asked me if I would come in and carve a pumpkin tomorrow. It’s just one pumpkin, but get this – the kids get to vote on their favorite design, and then I have to try to carve it! I’m sure it will be very educational, but whether for the kids or me, I don’t know yet! Wish me luck!

  13. Now I’m going to have to rethink what I carry in my pocketbook. I have a nail file but I don’t think that would have helped.

  14. when i had trouble cutting into one a couple of years ago hubby says…no problem and brings in an electric JIG SAW. LOL the kids thought that was awesome!
    hmmm must have been similar presentation in 5’s class yesterday because he came home begging me ot let him plant our pumpkin seeds.
    steff

  15. Tonight is the pumpkin carving night in our house! Wish me luck. Not only will I be carving the BIG pumpkin, but the boys will each get to carve their own. With supervision from Hubs and I of course.

  16. I think it was some sort of a set-up. I mean Miss Danielle just HAPPENED to walk by at the right moment and noticed you might need a hacksaw?

    Did you ever stop to think Ms. Danielle planted those super hard pumpkins in there just so she could show off her hacksaw???

    She might look like someone who would go to Starbucks, rather than eat bugs, but I’m not sure I would trust her so quickly.

    Or… could be that I am completely hormonaly imbalanced and should not be commenting on blogs right now.

  17. Great post! Two of my sisters are teachers; I’m going to have to ask them if they keep hacksaws (or anything like that) in their classrooms. (Knowing them, they probably do!) Makes you really wonder, doesn’t it?

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