Snips And Snails

The Sad Sheriff


Why is the sheriff so sad?

He is sad because he lost his badge and how can you be a sheriff without a badge? You can’t. If you have a gun but no badge, you are not a sheriff, you are a cowboy.  The power is in the badge, not the gun.

While assisting an elderly gentleman in bringing down boxes of Christmas ornaments from the attic, this young sheriff, unable to stay on task, spied a Christmas ornament in the shape of a star. He claimed the star for his sheriff’s badge and put it in his shirt pocket.

Unfortunately the laws of physics were not on his side and when he bent over to investigate yet another shiny object that would take him off task, the ornament badge tumbled out of his pocket and deep down into fluffy piles of blown insulation never to be seen again. It disappeared so quickly and so completely that it was almost like it had slipped into another universe.

The brave sheriff did what any brave sheriff would do.  He cried.

But the elderly gentleman was crusty and offered no assistance or sympathy and probably said something like, “Sorry dude.  That’s a hard lesson.”

So the brave sheriff took his sorrow to a higher power. His mother.

He found her sitting at her desk in the kitchen.  When she looked up she saw big sad blue eyes looking back at her.  The sheriff twisted his face in a valiant effort to hold back the floodgate of tears.  The sheriff’s mother tried not to laugh and at the same time, the sight of the little broken hearted sheriff made her want to cry.

Through snotty slurpy tears and incoherent and incomplete sentences, the sheriff’s mother was finally able to piece together that he had lost his badge in the insulation and that the elderly gentlemen refused to help.

So the sheriff and his mother returned to the attic to find the badge.  His mother slipped on a pair of surgical gloves, got down on her hands and knees and dug through the insulation for 30 minutes all while the sheriff leaned over her and asked about 231 times, “Have you found it yet? Have you found it? Do you think you can find it?”

But the badge was not to be found.

The sheriff mom’s reported the bad news with great sympathy.

“Oh,” he said. “That’s okay. I think I have another badge in my toy box.”

27 thoughts on “The Sad Sheriff

  1. If he didn’t find his spare, he could draw one and tape it on his shirt.
    That’s what my little sheriff used to do in these here parts.
    Sometimes we would even find a clip art badge and print it. That’s only if you want to be real high class, though.

  2. I had a good laugh with this. My twins did exactly the same thing to me the other day. They lost a small plastic puppy in the back yard and were inconsolable, until(also unable to keep on task) they spied a different toy they’s lost the previous day. All was well.

  3. Antique Daddy’s comment made me laugh. Really hard.

    I am friend’s with a real live Texas county sheriff. The badge is cool, but it is all in the attitude. Sheriff Jack is Andy Taylor and Wyatt Earp all rolled into one.

  4. i think i may have laughed harder at AD’s comment than the story. sorry. i’m thinking santa might find the sheriff a badge and leave it in his stocking (just a little suggestion to the “elderly gentleman”).

  5. That’s kind of how it goes at our house. Dad always says, “hmmm, that’s too bad,” and goes on his way. Mom is always, oh! I feel your broken hearted pain! I must fix it! It is too funny after digging that long that Sean decided it was okay. He’s a good sport and so are you!

  6. Loved this…Ad’s comment was funny…

    This scene has happened before at my daughters’ school looking for that little itty bitty florescent green alien that cost a quarter but was so dear–
    Thank God for janitors that have eagle eyes– but of course when the alien was found the next day ., it had lost it’s glow.

    Good thing there was a spare star to be found!

  7. Hilarious!

    (But I’d really like to know why you have surgical gloves hanging around your house.)

    * * *
    I have an art studio upstairs next to the attic and I’ve always got my hands in dye, paint, drywall mud or something. And now insulation. Had not considered insulation as an artistic medium.

  8. LOVE the boots, my son always wears his. Right now they are doubling as snowboots, because his haven’t been unearthed from last year yet.

  9. Oh Antique Daddy! You need revenge!

    Reminds me of the time one of mine dropped a precious bottle-cap in the toilet WHILE pooping. (not only Bert collects bottle caps)
    So I? His wonderful mother? Fished it out. And then he realised that it wasn’t the favourite one after all. Huh.

    * * *
    Only a mother Nan, only a mother….

  10. Yes, but think of the next sheriff, 100 years from now, who will be helping his elderly gentleman redo the insulation in the attic of his historical home. He too will go off task for a minute when he spies a shiny gold something peeking out from under some old insulation, just waiting to be a sheriff star once again.

  11. O.K., that was really funny!

    I can also remember times when I could not make something better for my boy and thought he would be sad forever but in a very short time, he was absolutely fine. Kids are great that way. Peace.

  12. So funny. I hope the elderly gentleman recovers:) And I can’t believe the other mom who fished out an object from poopy waters. There should be an awards show for Moms! Coulnd’t you just see all the categories: “Greatest length of time spent looking for a lost toy” or “Grossest thing you’ve ever done for your child”.

  13. Great great story. But sadly, AD stole the punch line. I sure did need that laugh today.

    From another ‘elderly’ family ….

  14. I too loved AD’s comment. However, I too would’ve told the sheriff what a bummer that was & to find something else to do. 😉

    And that bottle cap would quickly become his favorite, let me tell you….

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